I’ve spent the morning at a friends house today helping her out with some hardcore cleaning, you see she has 3 children and a husband that is locked in the dark ages, his opinion is simple he works so why should he help with the housework. The simple truth is that it would be great if she were able to cope, but she can’t, surely a husbands job is to support his wife, the mother of his children….well apparently not. I offered my help to you (as I have done in the past) for the simple reason that as a society we seem so quick to judge a person and yet so slow to offer them support.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect, I am most likely as bad as the rest at judging people with out all the facts. But I have also been in the position where I have been judged by people who should have been offering support rather than evil, vindictive words. It is for this simple reason that instead of judging I offered her help, I got nothing from it (except an achy back!!, and a lovely cup of coffee!).
Were made to believe that as a society we have progressed, left behind us the days of old where women were seen as second class citizens, and marriages now offer equality….but do they really?
Too many of my female friends seem to pamper to the needs of the men in their lives, from allowing themselves to cry because the man has said the home is a mess, the dinners burnt, my washing isn’t clean through to arranging all of their free time around their mans schedule….so where is the equality?
And yet at the same time it makes me wonder would my own marriage be more harmonious if instead of leaving my husbands work clothes to fester in a pile because he hasn’t put them into the washing basket, I just simply did it, perhaps if i were to wear a little french maids outfit and be the perfect house wife…would our marriage be a happy equal affair, more importantly would I be happy in that role, domestic servant at your ready? Or perhaps I should never have said, if you don’t like how I do it, do it yourself!
You see when I married my husband it was for love, I became his wife, not his cleaner, or cook, just simply his wife. The same goes for when I had our child, I became a mum, a stay at home mum, and so yes I do the housework, but I expect my husband to help out (which he is not great at!!). Yet we automatically assume a stay at home mum to be a ‘housewife’, im not a housewife, im a bloody excellent mum my ability to clean the house and have everything in perfect order, does not even come close to having anything to do with my abilities as a mum.
So why do we judge so quickly, my friend today needed help, not because she can’t cope, but because she has a husband that secretly yearns to wear a caveman outfit. Of course my advice to her was cut of all sex till the man gets of his arse, but the reality we have it so ingrained into us that a harmonious household means meeting the needs of the man, that she will never stand up to him and he will never change….and thats great if it works for them.
So my question to the universe is this…does being a domestic goddess, that pampers to her mans every need that struggles on without support, that puts the needs of others (adults) before there own make for a perfect harmonious marriage?