Do not pause and listen to your thoughts.

If I paused in time
and listened to the
Thoughts that run
Wildly in my mind,
I would get no where.
I would still be rooted
to that spot.
Wings tattered
And tears stemmed.
I would be no one,
And then
What? Broken, damaged,
And glued to the spot.
If I listened to my thoughts,
I would be no one.
Some say,
I am brave,
I act on impulse,
Consider the consequences
After, and stand tall against my crimes,
I always do fine.
But I am brave? If fear moves
Me forward,
If pushing me into that
Dark, cold corner
Releases a wild animal
Does that make me brave,
Or am a slave
To my inabilty to say
To stay
To lay.
I am everything
And more
because I refuse
To stay behind
Locked doors.

I wake to sun spilling across me, and I am in love.

I wake up full of thought,
Having not found,
in my dreams
the love that I sought.

I wake up filled with hope
That a new day
Will change my world
and shorten the rope.

I wake up unaware,
For a split second,
Then it hits, and I
remember, life isn’t fair.

I wake up in love,
with myself and everything
Around me, it carries me
through the rough.

He hides in the shadow holding his tail.

He hides in the shadows
that the sun can not reach,whispering sinful thoughts,
a new way he does teach.
Telling me of a life,
created through autonomy,
Where I can be free
Make choices from my heart,And play my very own part.
He hides in the darkness,
Calling me in,
Asking me why,
I choose not to sin.
It’s not for a god,
I whisper to him,
or a man of the cloth,
or a preacher that believes,
He has the answers
To world peace.
I don’t live by the rules,
I haven’t a clue.
I live for my soul,
it’s my ultimate goal,
To walk with the devil,
and show him a life,
Filled not with strife,
But the freedom to choose,
Win or lose,
To love and to lust,
and follow the must,
to bare my spirit
And still love me,
every bit.

Freewrite-today I think I saw a saw wielding maniac.

So thought I would take a break tonight from poetry, and share instead a memorable moment from my day….hey, i kinda like that idea, i might start doing this daily. Anyway, so I was walking to work, day dreaming along the way, when I had just turned into a small road that leads to an alley that leads to the very back of the carpark of a supermarket (I work in what they call a pod outside of the supermarket) the sun was shining, blue skies, beautiful morning. Suddenly some guy comes out the alley carrying an electric saw. Of course me being me my brain automatically clicked into action, in that split second I died at least a million different gruesome ways. Suddenly I was aware of my vulnerability, I was aware of the bushes and trees beside me, I was aware of the emptiness of the short alley, how far away the houses were and how deserted the streets were. But, more than that, I was aware that I was a writer, I was aware that intrigue made me stare intently at the mans hands, face, the electric saw, even though I knew that he could be a lunatic…although, maybe, just maybe, he was thinking the same of me as I crept past him smirking. I’m often told that I live inside of a bubble, that I don’t see the world for what it truly is, they’re right, I see the world in many ways, the way it could be and often the way it should be. I am far from idealistically perfect, and I can see bad and gruesome and horrific in most things, perhaps a reflection of inner turmoil, or perhaps I see the world with clearer eyes than most believe. The young man with his skinny face and strawberry blonde hair was probably off to cut someone’s tree or bush, i’m just grateful he chose not to chop me into thousands of pieces, cos seriously do you know how hard it is to get blood out of shirts?!
I may need to consider a different route once as the nights draw in, the ally might not be the best way, my feeble little heart will not take it!

Devil be damned.

Confusion,
more trees than forest,
More clouds than sky,
More thoughts than words.
Confusion,
Constantly tripping
Through my mind,
My day,
My hours, seconds
confusion,
Ripping a void
Created through pain,
And desperate to reign,
confusion,
An occrance of the past,
Reality that must not last,
The only reality I know,
To reap what i sew.
Confusion,
Welcome to my soul,
look deep at what I know,
See what I have seen,
Feel what I have felt,
Confusion,
You are lost in a sea of the damned,
The devil wants my hand,
Confusion,
I am not for the taking,
I’m done foresaking,
You cannot take my soul,
I have a brand new goal,
And I don’t know what it is,
Or where this battered path leads,
But, confusion,
You are an illusion,
Of the past I left behind,
So leave this muddled mind,
Confusion,
I’m not the devils find.

Desire of a broken soul.

If I could put into words,
What it is that I need,
Then I imagine, that
It would read,
like this…
I want sex without feeling,
Touching or freeing,
I want abandoned lust,
that’s full of rush,
And naked blush.
Not a single word,
No tender kiss,
I’m not after the things that I miss,
No searching my eyes,
for a glimpse of the soul,
All you will find is ice,
and some fucked up goals.
I am the queen of my own
Destructive path,
creator of the veil,
a battlefield scarf.

Believe in me.

Believe in me,
When my thoughts betray me,
And the words escape,
Believe in me.
When I am weak, lost and alone,
When the world seems to big, too much,
Believe in me.
when I have all questions and no answers,
When my mind is working through in detail,
Believe in me.
when I pretend to the world,
That I can fly,
Believe in me,
Even when I can’t.
Even when, it looks as though I can.
Believe in me.
And when I fall, and sit for a while,
Unsure of how to rise,
Believe in me.
And when my believe is seemingly gone,
Believe in me then more than ever before,
Believe that I will return to the floor,
Believe that I will regain my strength,
and go to whatever length,
Believe in me, 
always believe in me.