Screams of the savaged soul.

I really shouldn’t wonder,

and I really shouldn’t care,

your voice comes to me like thunder,

and I know that you are there.

I try to keep you locked away,

to keep you out of sight

but, my dear, you will not stay,

you beg me for the light.

I whisper, as the night does come,

and beg of you to hear,

the moon, i say, is now your sun,

come here, and hold me near.

But alas you cannot stay

in this dark and empty life

as you cut all that’s in your way

with your double bladed knife.

The silence is too loud,

the shadows are too dark,

stand tall and make us proud,

it’s time to play your part..

And I do not know their faces,

or the words that they do shout,

I’ve seen them several places

but, what are they about?

They offer me salvation

from the darkness in the night,

an end to the devastation,

and the promise of the light.

Karen Hayward (Copyright) 2015.

Delilah’s army.

Delilah’s army..

Delilah’s army.

This is the story of my amazing niece Delilah and her beautiful family, please read it here, Delilah and here.

Delilah is fighting cancer, her family and friends have become an army of supporters ‘Delilah’s army’.

Please head on over to her facebook story and offer your support, show Delilah she is not alone. Together we can beat cancer.

Follow her Dad’s twitter story here.

This is her fundraising page here.

And this here is the little princess herself, looking beautiful as always.

Iggledy, piggledy…oh fuck!

Iggledy piggledy buck,

I don’t give

a fuck,

I said to the duck,

i’m all out of luck,

my vibrators stuck

Iggledy, piggledy buck.

Tales of the deviled soul.

Horns and a devils tail,

a promising tale,

of the ship that set sail

in a sea full of scales.

Not swallowed by a whale

neither white nor pale,

and they left no trail,

no where to send mail,

their lives for sale,

but they did have a tail

of the devils horns

and his little red tail.

A moments voice.

I hear whisper’s of your spirit dancing in the leaves

as springs soft whistle skips between the trees,

and you are gone,

in a moment,

swept away on a breeze.

What the World Taught me About being a woman.

When I was four, the world taught me what it was too be a woman.

I needed long hair that flowed and curled and shined radiant in the light.

I needed dresses and skirts and floral shirts,

of yellow or pink or red or peach,

these are the things the world did teach.

When I was seven, the world taught me what it was to be a woman,

Cross my legs be quite and calm smile always and say yes mam,

Always be clean, no mud, no worms, no running no sunning

no speck no hair no tales to share, for I should always

look radiant and fair,

this is what the world, chose to share.

When I was ten, way back then, the world taught me what it was,

to be a woman,

Wear high heel shoes, and fish net tights,

stay up doing my hair till at least midnight,

Lipstick and mascara and a rosie blush

the world used to whisper, this is what to do…

cover your beauty with products so lush.

When I was twelve,

when I was sixteen,

when I was twenty

the world taught me what it thought, it was too be a woman,

I had to follow not lead, sleep but not dream

smile but not scream,

It taught me to hide behind a costume of sorts,

to never reveal my inner thoughts, to smile and laugh,

because that was my place, I had no ticket for the real race.

being a woman, means not being free,

this is what the world, taught me.

When I was four, my Dad said, it’s just bloody

hair that grows on a head.

curly or straight short or long,

it’s just bloody hair,

there is no right or wrong.

When I was seven, my Dad said,

as I built pies in the mud that covered

my legs,

smile and be happy, shout and scream

do as you please,

just never be mean.

My Dad said, back when I was ten,

dress to please you, but never the men,

You don’t need lippy, mascara or blush,

you’ll get there, there’s no need to rush.

A real man loves what hides in the heart,

don’t be an actress playing a part.

When I was twelve, my Dad said,

jesus christ what ya done to ya head,

No soft curling rolls, or radiant hair,

jet black, he said,

they’ll surely all stare. He smiled, but you

do not care.

When I was sixteen, My Dad said,

be careful out there the world is mean

listen to me, i’m old i’m wise and all this I have seen.

Wear what you like, but wear it with pride,

this is your life, you’ve a ticket to ride.

When I was twenty, my Dad said,

I always knew, you’d get ahead,

not scared to be you, there are but a few,

the power was coming the women were new.

This he said, he always knew.

Karen Hayward (C) 2015

Washed away at Walton Cliffs.

A thousand voices of days gone by,
as I sit beneath a deep blue sky.
Waves lapping with eager peace
playing with the summer breeze.
This used to be, it once was..
covered now in sea moss.
Eroding cliffs, reveal the past,
history’s story, that couldn’t last.
An endless sea of calm and rough
a place to throw your woes and stuff.
A battleground of forgotten days
Gone. All washed away.

Karen Hayward (c) 2015 (image and words)

No longer you or me or anyone I know.

You walked away, that day,

no words for what you had to say,

I loved you, but you tore us apart,

that hot summers day,

that you shattered my heart.

I shed a tear, just one,

vowed to live my life, engulfed in fun,

I slipped between the cracks,

Hit the ground hard, then looked up

got my life back on track.

Sixteen years come and went,

your love had left a forever dent.

Then, I looked into the eyes of the past,

blinked and blinked again,

my soul thumping to the tune of at last.

But nothing had changed,

and perhaps that was strange.

You were the love of my life,

but now, today,

that love was longer right.

liebster award, big thanks.

So, I was just nosing through the spam folder and I found this hiding away in there as though it had no importance in my life. Oh my goodness, how wrong, such a big surprise though. Thank you annoymous !ndian for nominating me for this super fantastic amazing award.

The rules for this very prestigious award are as follows:

1. Display the Liebster Award badge on your blog.

2. Thank and link back to the person who nominated you.

3. Answer the nominator’s 11 questions.

4. Nominate 11 other new bloggers.

5. Draft 11 new questions for the people nominated by you.

6. Notify your nominees.

So, annoymous !ndian gave me these lovely questions. I’m actually looking forward to answering these, as it’s been a while since i’ve really reached out and interacted on the blog.

1. If you could choose a superpower, what would it be?

Oh Jesus Christ, I want them all. Lets start with Superman, now I love this guy, he can fly, is super strong and always comes swooping in to save the day just in time. I’d love to be able to just fly out of my window and float up there in space amongst the stars. Super strength would also be a great asset, and speed too, oh imagine how fast I could get the housework done, it would be good. As much as Superman is my real life super hero, and I do love my superman pjs, and jumper, seriously the man rocks my boat. But I think I saw on X-men one of the mutants had the power to change super powers, all he had to do was touch them and he took on their super power…power absorption…yeah I want that, I want a little teeny tiny bit of everything. Guys go check out this great page on super hero powers :).

2. Which book/movie character can you relate yourself the most with?

Oh this ones a toughy, i’m not entirely sure that I feel like I can relate to any characters. I think I often read to find escape, escape from me and my world, to explore how life could be or is for other people. However, there is a character in The Color Purple, Alice Walker. Mary Agnes, Squeak

‘Harpo say, I love you, Squeak. He kneel down and try to put his arms round her waist. She stand up. My name Mary Agnes, she say.’

This is the point when Mary Agnes takes control over her own life, she’s just raped and beaten. This simple line shows so much strength, it also shows the importance of a simple name, it is who we are, and who we refuse to be. I do have a thing about my name, it is the name I was given at birth, it is who I am, it is my strength and my power.

3.What inspired you to start blogging?

Nothing. Nothing inspired me to blog. I was completing my English degree and as part of my course I decided on a whim to choose an easier module (creative writing), I needed a rest and wanted to study something less intense and more enjoyable. I wasn’t expecting to be any good at writing. We were advised that we needed to be writing every day, a blog, it was advised, is a good way of doing that. So blindly I set up my blog with no idea of how or why. Like most things in life it soon became apparent what the purpose of my blog should be as I learned to write and explore different modes. Poetry came naturally to me in a way I never could have even have dreamed. It took a good year or so, for me to find my feet and truly start to bloom.

4. What is the most breathtaking sight you have seen?

Ok deep breathe, here I go;

• my daughter, covered in slime and blood, wrinkled and crying, looking at me, looking at her for the first time,
• my cat giving birth! seriously that stuff is crazy cool,
• the moment my daughter and her besty managed to resolve a quarrel between the pair of them for the first time…they’re growing up!
• I live at the seaside, and a few times a year we have a super massive high tide with waves crashing well over the sea defences. It is an amazing sight to see as this ferocious wave crashes down to earth followed by a seconds echoless silence.
• Italy, such an amazingly unique creation.
• A swarm of Dragonflies that kept visiting my garden in the summer last year! To see one is amazing, but too see a swarm of them dancing for you, breathtaking.

5. Books vs Movies? Which one do you think is better? Why?

99% of the time it is books.  The thing I love about books is that so much of the visualisation of the story is based upon your own life experiences. This allows us to connect to the story and truly relate, it gives us release and exploration of our own thoughts.

Sometimes, the film makers get it right though, sometimes. Game of Thrones I think is a great example of a book turned tv programme that has worked, and worked fantastically.

6. How would you describe yourself in one sentence?

I wouldn’t that’s just crazy talk, one sentence? Ain’t gonna happen…but i’ll try.

I’m a good soul with a wildly fierce spirit. 🙂

That wasn’t so hard!

7. What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

Another toughy. I guess its gonna have to be, not to judge another person and when and where you can offer support and understanding. I mean who really cares, aint my place to care. If someone is happy then we should celebrate that happiness, not try and tear it down. We could all do with caring a little less about the opinions off others, life is for living, your way. There is no happiness to be found by waking up each morning and hiding behind a mask that you just don’t want to be wearing. People will except you, or not. Those that don’t, most likely have nothing productive they can offer you anyway, so really there is no loss.

8. What’s your favourite colour?

Yellow…like daffodils and daisies. Red…like wild passion and crimson blood. Purple..I actually have no reason for loving purple and yet I find it every where in my life, I suspect purple may be a colour that my soul loves. My favourite colour can change from one moment to the next depending on my mood.

9.  If you could travel anywhere in the world and money was no object, where would you go? Why?

America, route 66. Why? Intrigue I think.

10. Have you ever believed in ghosts?

Yes. As a kid I believed that ghosts were every where, hiding, waiting to scare me. As an adult my beliefs and knowledge have advanced. I don’t not believe in ghosts, but I am forever looking for proof, not ready just yet to blindly believe in something that I cannot see, and I think this is a good thing, I think that when we finally accept something like this, we stop searching and advancing, and instead accept blindly what we are told.

11. If you could live your life in a fictional world (like Panem, Hogwarts etc.) which one would you choose?

Narnia…no, no, no down the rabbit hole….no, no, no Hogwarts. Fuck it i’d be a fictional world hopper, diving between worlds as and when I wanted too!

Oh that was fun!

So who do I nominate….YOU. Yep that’s right, did you stop and read this, yep? Then you is nominated! So show me some love! The questions are as follows;

1. Odd socks? Love them or loathe them? When was the last time you wore odds?

2. It’s late at night and you’re peckish, what naughty food do you crave?

3. What does your dream home look like? (if money were no problem)

4. Elsa or Anna and why? (Frozen)

5. What are your secret reading habits? (I like to read old ladies magazines at the doctors surgery!)

6. What’s the funniest joke you know?

7. What is your fave book and why?

8. When the zombie apocalypse happens, what’s your plans for survival?

9. What is the toughest lesson you have had to learn in life?

10. Real book or e-reader, and why?

11. What are your plans if over night the entire world loses internet connection?

Ha ha have fun guys!