Amazing it isn’t.

Amazing it isn’t a commodity it is.

So I take control over the time that is his.

The oldest profession but my payment is time

I get a moments release in this cage that is mine.

There’s a reason behind the eyes that now see

it’s the only way that I can feel free.

I’ll get a week maybe two where i’m left alone

and all because I demanded I moan.

Amazing it isn’t a commodity it is

I simply added my own little twist.

Karen Hayward (copyright) 2015.

Warm me from this eternal frost.

With muscles sore from daily chores

nails chipped and skin all dry

a scent of bleach and a sigh of why

I wonder would you gaze with me

into an emerald sky.

With tired eyes and a battered mind

uttered words that can be kind

with aching feet and a heavy heart

would you hold me tight

as I fall apart.

With a loss of hope and glory gone

a voiceless soul without a song,

with speckled dust and twinkles lost

Would you warm me

from this eternal frost?

Melting down in the split of a moment.

Why didn’t you tell me why didn’t you say?

Please don’t change my plans that’s really not okay.

Why was the cat there? It gave me such a scare

my body went and jumped and my heart got all fast

and I didn’t know how long that feeling was gonna last.

Please mum, stop it, stop it, stop it.

My feet are stuck mum I cannot move my legs

and it feels like an explosion going on inside my head.

Please mum, please, I can’t hear you through my tears

I need to block the sound that’s coming to my ears.

I do not understand i’m feeling all too much

and these things are moving fast they’re in such a rush.

Please mum, please, i’m pleading with my eyes

I cannot say the words for I cannot stop the cries.


let’s calm that beating heart,

mummies here let’s make a start.

I’ll pull your hood above your head

and hold you tight upon that step.

I’ll whisper to you now so listen if you please,

i’m gonna need you baby to bend those lovely knees.

Come now my sweety listen to my beat

let’s get you over there sat upon a seat.

I’ll hold you as you cry i’ll knead away the pain,

I’ll take away the noise and sing a song to you.

We’ll slow the constant beat and make you feel all blue.

Shh now baby mummies got you.

We’ll walk in the rain and feel the cooling air

i’ll hold tight your hand so you know that I am there.

You cannot hear me yet but you see me with your eyes

I do not hear your words but I hear the pain in your cries.

The noise is coming down and the heat is feeling cool

a little more time baby and you’ll be right back under rule!

I have a friend…

I have a friend

who I fantasize about.

He could be a she

and she

could be a he.

But still they would only occupy

the part of my mind where I fantasize.

I have a friend who I can talk to

for hours and days.

Together we both speak with passion.

He could be a she and

she could be a he.

Yet still they would only occupy that

part of mind responsible for chatter.

I have a friend that I can laugh

for hours with.

he could be a she and

she could be a he.

And still it wouldn’t change

that they would only occupy

a small section of my mind.

I have a friend who I can love

because I should, because it feels so

very natural.

He could be a she and

she could be a he.

Still they would merely

occupy the love quarter

of my mind.

I have a friend who I love

and I fantasize about,

who I passionately talk with and

who I can laugh alongside. He could be

a she and she could be a he, and still

I wouldn’t understand how it is they

got there and exactly where about’s

they are.

As the universe calls me from my sleep.

Her energy builds up

she wants out to play,

to dance in the


She feels alive.

She looks past the blue sky and see’s

the stars that are still hiding.

She can hear the birds and the songs

that they sing out into the world.

The little whispers that are carried on the breeze.

Intertwined with confusion,

yet so very clear.

Focus to remember

that life has a way of changing the rules!

Passion in the words put onto the page,

need to touch

when the universe pulls me from my bed

I want to feel your hand pulling me back.

Pure energy, pure life

seep through my mind

distance a reminder

search the universe

know for myself


I searched inside

hiding out from the world.


Oh I’ve been waiting patiently for the words to burst

to spill onto the page and do their very worst

and now I feel them rushing through my veins

too fast for my fingers it’s driving me insane!

They’re coming all at once and in a spiraled mess

and I truly did expect not a single thing less.

But still I make no sense of the foreign addled words

that whisper in my ear that I am everything I heard.

My horns are glowing now and want to come and play

fantasies are spilling there’s so much I want to say.

I want to talk for hours and lay upon the bed

I want to lead you to the devil and then wait whilst you’re fed.

I want to see the daisies, the rivers and lakes

and lay naked on the sand just for the sake.

I want to feel the warmth I want to feel the cold

but mostly, I just want to know that I told.

I want to keep it down, the ever climbing wall

it’s not because i’m scared that i’m really gonna fall.

It goes a little deeper and is muddled through the days

but I have to simply think that perhaps this is okay.

I accept I cannot see, I accept the path is cloaked

and is heavily guarded by a fairy tale moat.

I accept it is this way, I accept I have to feel

and finally I accept that maybe this is real.

The crack of dawn.

I woke before the crack of dawn

and sat in the dark suppressing a yawn.

My favorite time of day is morn,

it’s like the rose petals on a bush of thorns.

In the dark I felt my words

humming softly like the feathered birds.

I watched the dark and light begin to flirt

and I wondered whether it ever hurt.

In the silence I can search my thoughts

capture them, write away the ones I caught.

I ponder the ones I never knew I sought

and explore the ones that you have brought.

Grains of sand.

IMG_20151027_172657 (2)

Forgotten years and a past gone by,

in this place I sit and question why.

The ebbing tide and glowing moon

and this, that makes my heart swoon.

I wonder if the lonely seashells recall

the last time I sat and told them all.

Grains of sand spilling through time

whisper to me ‘It will be fine.’

A midday ‘Sales person’ rant.

Sales people….they drive me crazy! Honestly they drive me insane, I get it, I understand it’s their job and they have to get the hits to get the money, but seriously when I say No, I actually mean No. No means No peeps! Oh and that dumb arse stupid thing they do when they say it’s great value, better than what you’re receiving now…hmmm I may have failed my Maths GCSE but I can do the maths, it’s not value if you want more money and I don’t want the service you are selling. I did feel a little bad for the poor lad though, he was clearly trying very hard to stick to his script and I was ripping it to shreds and enjoying it! But seriously, sales people when I say No I mean No, if you carry on reading your script to me I promise I will rip it apart, I promise I will throw back at you everything you are throwing at me and I promise I will do it whilst smiling, Speaking to me is a complete waste of your time, time you could be spending actually getting customers, I make it clear from the word go that I do not want your service…seriously do you think I am  a dumb housewife? Just throw a few words my way and you’ll grab yourself a deal….grrr you drive me crazy!!!!!! Ok rant over.

Dear younger self,
If technology ever develops a way of somehow projecting this into the past, then I have something important to tell you. A few things in fact.

Follow your heart, follow your soul. Right now, society is telling you that to accomplish anything in life you have to be a certain way. This is a lie. Follow your heart; dye your hair, go goth, wear the sexy biker boots, wear jeans and hoodies and skirts with trainers. Wear what makes you feel good. Look different, wear your soul on the outside of your body.

Remember them, all of them.

Remember him. He will always be a memory.

Lost and afraid and filled with confusion you cannot see that one day you will proudly be the person you dreamed you could be. Better, you become an amazing human, you love truly and unconditionally to those that are worthy.

I cannot say don’t do this, or do that, because in truth, every thing we did growing up has made us who we are today. You do become.