Hear silent whispers
beneath the bridge of paradise
an eternal beauty.
Karen Hayward © Image and words 2015.
Can you see through the desire?
Do you see I am more than a raging fire?
I can be the flame that dances to the flute
my truth is not under dispute.
But I am whole and that is not
do you see the bit that even I forgot?
Karen Hayward ©2015
This is a toughy of a question. I generally try to think of life without regret. Regret is no good for anyone, which means I spend very little time thinking about what if, what if is very much in the past. However there are a number of situations that when I consider what if, they make me appreciate that without doubt throughout my life there has been a greater force steering me in the right direction. So, I guess my what if question would start all those years ago in Scotland, what if my Dad had never discovered where about’s we were? What if cuddling up against my Dad on that long, long coach trip home had never become a memory. How different would I be now? Religion (Catholic) would without doubt be a driving force in my character, my accent would be harsh and coldness would be the only weather I knew! What if people’s decisions had been different, I could have known what life in the system was like, what if sacrifices hadn’t been made, I would have known a deep and resentful loneliness.
What if none of this happened, what if I had never misbehaved as a teenager, never known alcohol, never kissed a boy till marriage, never lifted my head up high enough to see the world. Would I still have become a poet? What would I write about? Would my words be an educated form of letters strung together by the grey and glued to the page with innocence? Where would my passion be? My desire to live? What if I had never discovered the joys of odd socks? Or the liberation of living a life where by my aim is to impress no one but myself?
I don’t want a life of what if’s. Those days have passed and become memories. It is always our choice how we recall the days gone and if we are in a constant state of what if then we are living in the past, one toe in the future filled with dread and fear. That is no life for anyone.
Karen Hayward ©2015.
In a single second I have a thousand thoughts.
I visit a thousand places
and see a thousand faces.
I see a thousand sights,
my feet walk a thousand miles
and I see a thousand smiles.
I touch a thousand hearts
and see a thousand stars.
In a single second
I am everywhere but here.
Then in a single glance I see you,
and I know I have found home.
This home has no walls
and it has no floor.
This home is not a place
but a response to your face.
A journey, an honor placed upon me
and when I look upon your eyes I see my destiny.
And in the beating of our hearts i know;
that every path I took,
every darkness bestowed upon me,
every tear that fell,
was for you.
In a single second I am everywhere
in a single glance I am always near.
Karen Hayward ©2015. Image and words.
Okay, something I feel strongly about. Wow this could take a while. I’ve already mentioned along the way a few things that are for me important issues, like, rudeness, it ain’t needed suck it up and say please, thank you or hell just give a knowing glance. I have also mentioned the anger that rises in me when I discover shops displaying flavoured chocolate next to milk chocolate, seriously you are posoining my senses! I love life, I love every aspect of it and there are o many things that I could talk about, things that will create fire inside of me and passion to spill out from my mouth, so for this reason I will give you a mini list.
- Socks. Life is too short to wear matching socks and for this reason alone it should become acceptable practice to wear odd socks…with shorts or skirts or even dresses :).
- Girl shaming, slut shaming and all the other stupid things I hear in regards to women that actually have an idea in regards to their sexuality is pathetic and needs to stop.
- Siestas and naps need to become the norm here in the UK, no really they do, that way I wouldn’t feel so bad when I fall alseep on the couch two mins after I get in from the morning school run, no Jeremy Kyle for me!
- The government should provide everyone with a cleaner, a cook and a gardener. Free of charge.
- Sanitary goods, tampax, towels all of that, should not be taxed. It is not a luxury to get your period (although in fairness same may consider it to be one) I don’t buy these products out of luxury, I buy them because it is socially unacceptable to go shopping with a huge red patch in my jeans 🙂 Get a grip on it.
Okay i’m going to cut my list short now and switch over to the serious stuff, now guys i’m sorry this is the bit where I show an entirely different side to myself. There are a handful of things I do feel strongly about, serious things, not that odd socks isn’t a serious matter though.
- Judging others. Firstly let’s define what I mean by judging. As humans it is a part of our nature to find our place within the society that we live. To do this we observe and compare. This is normal. It’s normal even to say to yourself that you are a better person then them, or that your dress is prettier, or your car better, this although not a pretty personality trait I consider normal. What I consider to be not normal, in fact this is something that makes my blood boil everytime and it will cause me to speak up, is when a person stands and judges someone on their misfortune. They stand and stare and comment and judge and simply watch. They don’t say,’hey I can see you need help.’ instead they throw the knives. They don’t say, ‘let me help you.’ they just whisper nastiness as the person struggles on. Standing their fiddling your thumbs as a person is struggling does not in any way make you a better person.
- Education, I feel strongly believe that every child deserves the right to an education, I also however strongly believe that the education provided should be taylored to individual children. I think schools and the education board need to open their eye’s and see the reality. A child that is living in poverty does not need to be punished for not doing their reading homework, that child, that family need help, punishing the child is damaging, helping the family is enlightening.
- Confidence, belief and faith in my opinion are lessons that need teaching in schools, every day of every year. So no more children leave education without a belief in themselves, their body, their self worth or capability.
Writing this short, at least in my opinion short piece has shown me once again that I am a chatterbox and I can talk about anything! I could keep going and going some more, but I have porridge that needs eating :).
Karen Hayward © 2015.
A thousand words are whispered on the beauty of your form,
promises of devotion are created and sworn.
A million gazing souls look to your heart,
everyone seeing distance as being too far.
You are so much more than beauty so much more than light,
It is not your soul purpose to bring vision to the night.
They stop, they gaze and pause in time,
for the moons glorious shine.
They point and wonder where did she hide?
At this new beauty they suddenly find.
But you are so much more than light that illuminates our sky,
Your purpose makes the truest soul cry.
They lay in bed whilst days tick past
wondering how long this moon will last.
As waves crash upon the shore
and moon dust sprinkles to the floor.
And you are all and you are one
as is growth to the blazing sun.
Karen Hayward ©2015.Image and words.
Okay so i’m pretty sure that the words of wisdom that I live my life by are actually a combination of great things said by great people which I have then processed and converted to fit into my own ideologies. However here they are :).
- Never, ever go to bed or walk away angry. This is such an important thing to me and unfortunately something my hubby doesn’t agree on, which often leaves me feeling devastated! So, why? Why do I believe that anger should always be resolved straight away. Apart from the obvious that you don’t know what will happen at any given moment in time, my love for a person, whether that is a friend or a lover or a family member, is and always will be stronger than any anger I can feel.
- That whole flower quote, if you love it leave it to grow malarky, hell yeah.
- Wet clothes take them off…yep, totally if you get caught in the rain then you need to take the wet clothes off, otherwise that coldness will seep right through to your bones. Best wait till you get home though, cos otherwise you might get some filthy looks stripping in the rain!
- Do the hard stuff first. Whether this is eating the yucky bit of a dinner first or tackling the hard chores first. It makes a difference. Once as the hard bit is out of the way I can sit back and truly enjoy what is in front of me.
- If you can, then do. If I can help someone then I will. If I can stop and let that person in the morning have a chat with me, then I will. If I can reach the top shelf and you can’t then I will. If I can be a shoulder whilst you cry, I will. If I have what you need, and I don’t need it, then I will. There aren’t a great deal of things in life that I can do to help others. But everything I can do, I do. I do it because I want to. I do it because I know how it feels to not be seen, so if I can see a person then I will.
- Always think a few steps ahead.
- Fuck it. Sometimes you gotta sit back say fuck it and just enjoy the show. Things happen for a reason and there ain’t always something you can do about that.So relax. You’ll soon discover the reason.
- Never get shampoo in your eyes…that shit hurts, if you do then a wet cold flannel will help. Milk also helps.
- If there’s a puddle walk through it. If there’s a rainbow stop and look at it.
- Always stop what you are doing to give a child your full attention. Your actions teach a child how to become an adult. Don’t ever forget that.
- If there’s lego, build.
- Paints, paint. No one cares what the end result looks like. Paint for your soul not for the eyes of others.
- Stop letting the opinions of others take up residency in your head. They are often as lost as you and they have their own battle to fight. Ignore them, smile and move on.
- If it makes your heart sing and your soul skip a beat, do it, do it daily, do it hourly.
Ok that’s my list. I’m sure i have more, in fact I think my entire existance is based on words of wisdom. 🙂
Karen Hayward (2015) ©
Clock watching as the first one’s failed to work
Sands of time each grain rips through me
I’ll take them again and there’s another to try
and I wonder would it be better to break down and cry.
The the soft fine rain falls on my skin
and I remember I was born with strength within.
Deep breaths and mind filled with song
distractions so time will not be long.
Each rip, each pull, each broken form
the violence of life’s eternal storm.
Karen Hayward ©2015.
- Burning the porridge.
- Sleeping for more than a couple of hours.
- Being cold.
- Watching football.
- Cold baths
- Brushing my hair when there’s a tuggy!
- Flavored chocolate, oh dear God why would they do that and even worse why then place mint/ orange chocolate next to normal chocolate do they not realise that flavor seeps through into my delicious chocolate!
- Being loved..I can love others with ease, I just don’t see when others love me, so seriously peeps, placard marker pen and stick it in my face a million times…even then can’t promise i’ll see it!
- People not treating my daughter right!
- Mean people!
- Too much noise.
- Not being clumsy!
- Being told what to do!
- Life, at times!
I wrote this as a bullet list because I couldn’t settle on one single thing that I struggle with. The truth is I struggle with loads just like we all do, somethings more so than others!