♥ For Emily-Rose, always I will be your voice.
They tell me to empower you to show you the way
to tell you the things that you really should say.
They tell me to stay calm and use positive words
but surely you know the definition of these terms.
Individuals you say you treat them the same
a contradiction of words your excuses are lame.
But you know best, you learned from a book
and just a few years is all it took.
You’ve seen it before you’ll see it again
these kids to you are simply a pain.
They need this, they need that
and fidget constantly where they are sat.
They’re calm, they’re a whirlwind, a tornado of sorts
and no one really knows what’s in those thoughts.
So hard to reach
so hard to teach,
so listen now to a mothers speech.
Listen to me and you’ll hear her voice
anxiety is not her choice.
She doesn’t choose to with hold
or do exactly what she’s told.
She isn’t all smiles and happy and love
why can’t you see she finds school tough?
Open your eye’s and watch how she flies,
can’t you see how much she tries?
she mimics the world but the clues are there
please, just show her that you actually care.
Do as you tell and look as you see
be the person you want her to be.
Don’t tell her you will, you can and it’s done
her fears are real not a bit of fun.
I know she’s a mouse in a black hole of silence
but the anxiety she feels is an internal violence.
Stop looking past, over and through
show her that she can trust you.
Each day I stand back and watch her walk
knowing she’s spending another day unable to talk.
You’ll utter across her avoiding her eyes,
‘why didn’t tell me? Why?’
Your tone has gone up, your body has moved
gone is the voice all tender and smooth.
She did wrong, she did wrong and doesn’t know why
her tears are swelling she just wants to cry.
But you hold that stare, the one filled with fear
waiting for the answer to suddenly appear.
The answer to what? The why’s and the hows
forgotten by the now’s?
Why am I telling you this
you trained for years to become their Miss.
Why every few months are we here once again
whatever I tell you, it ain’t gonna change.
So I take a deep breath and think of glitter
trying to push back the emotional bitter.
I smile and talk and go through the list
hoping to God there’s nothing I’ve missed.
You’ll nod and agree and say you can see
this is reality, the way it will always be.
Karen Hayward ©2015
One thought on “A mothers voice in chaos.”
nice poem…great insight
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