I love it all.


When I was young, I truly knew what it was to love. To swim

dreamily in and out of childish fantasies, bathed in the golden

rays of an eternal sun. I loved it all. The searing heat of summers

that begged to never end and the cold frost of winter that clawed

through to my soul. I loved it all. I loved each person I met in differing

degrees, some I loved for a day, some for an eternity.

I loved to talk. To strangers, to people I had known my entire life,

to people I would never see again. I would never know their name.

I loved to sing as I walked, skipped, ran and jumped. To sing so

loud people would stop and stare. I didn’t care.

I loved to stay awake all night, to watch as the moon ruled the

skies, her light showing us the dying…

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Nightmare within seconds of sleep.

I could still feel the soft fur of the teddy I had propped beneath my head as a makeshift pillow. I was slipping into darkness. I could feel the deep void pulling me forward as I fought to keep control over the slither of mattress I was precariously balancing on. A moment of triumph as I succeed through the haze of sleep. Then I am talking, I am typing, I am awake on the bed and in need of moving. The cover is suddenly pulled over my head and I am spun by unseen forces. I cannot break the cycle. I am dragged in circles beneath the covers in a desperate dark and I cannot move. I feel the gravity around me change as I am spun at speed. My heart beat rises and I repeat and repeat and repeat. This is not real. This is not real. I whisper in my mind to stay calm. This is not real, this is a dream. The spinning slows. I am able to move my fingers and toes as I pull myself from the void. I force my eyes to open. It was not real I whisper to myself as I quickly rise from the bed. This was not real.

Karen Hayward ©2016.

Hi, I mean hey, I mean let’s play!

I mean Hi,
I mean you have eyes
the colour of the sky.
I know this and we both
know why.
I’m shy.
But every time I see you, I try.
I mean hey,
So great to see you again
Is there really anything for us to say?
‘Hey, how’s you, all good, okay.
Perhaps I’ll see you at the park later, to play.’
Dear God do I pray
On this fine, fine day.
Hey, I mean Hi,
You’re my gift of desire as I walk to the school,
those eyes, deep blue pools,
I wonder do you have charisma, a players tool.
Just a little glance, so I still look cool,
You’re already looking, phew I don’t look a fool.
Still, chin up, try not to drool,
Wish someone would tell me the bloody rules.
Hi, I mean hey, I mean, I give you a smile
As its been a while
And we both know in reality, this is our style,
Hey, blue eyes
My summer sky,
One day, we will say Hi.

Karen Hayward ©2016

Sphere of doom.

It’s too late, we’ve already created the next generation of nonsensical beings.
They are among us procreating the future.
Actions according to sight, fight or flight.
The obvious lost in the depths of oblivion.
Mass breeding of the blind that have tunnel vision sight.
We’re fucked with a bright red tick.
Individualised beyond concept unable to even perceive the unseen.
Millions of branded humans walking the earth locked in an egotistical sphere of self.
Multi dimensional worlds guarded by paperwork, red ticks and the purblind.


Karen Hayward 2016©

Let me love you.

For just a moment let me surrender

myself to you and lose all inhibitions.

Let me fall. Let me fall into the depths of hell,

fires raging in my soul. Ignite me with

your very eyes as passion builds.

Let me love you.

Let me forget who it is I have become so

that I can simply be. For a moment,

let me be the only other occupant of

this planet that turns and turns and let’s

stop time with our very thoughts.

And let it not hurt as we fall from grace

as we venture into the world so filled

with disgrace. Let love sit upon our lips

and passion upon our tongues.

Let every touch be filled with desire.

Let love be the reason that I see, that the

world becomes a multitude of colours.

Let it engulf me, so my heart will beat only for you

and my every thought will be a memory of touch,

of scent and the essence of seed.

Let want become need.

Love me, for just a moment, for just long

enough so that I may fall.

Love me.


Karen Hayward ©2016