I want to know. The obsessive need consumes me.
I need to know the whys the hows and the vivid paths. To accept I must fully understand the intricate web of silk lanes.
There has to be a reason.
Everything has a reason.
Tell me the reason.
Let me obsess over the details and file away the
concrete evidence created
in my mind.
I can recreate reality and cover it in darkness.
Word games on a wooden board in the flaming pits of hell. Satan will play his hand and I will know. I will know the answers to the questions he has. I will not be outwitted by the horned man.
Turn right, turn left, walk ahead five steps, turn around touch the floor and there you’ll find destiny’s door.
So tell me.
Show me why there is pain in my soul, show me why I know emptiness. Don’t whisper it on the breeze where I cannot hear. Tell me.
Paths have to be walked, so show me mine.
Lessons have to be learned so give me the books.
The soul must grow, so show me how.
Tell me I am on the right path.
Grade my attempts with A* and big fat F’s in red marker.
I cannot do this alone you must sign post this journey.
It’s not enough to believe in me.
I cannot hear what is not said.
I do not see the reason for the blue that sparkles through the grey cloud.
I do not understand why I feel the suns heat as he reaches his arms around me, warming me for a moment before my day begins.
Tell me I will find light.
Show me why I must survive the darkness.
Don’t tell me I must blindly trust in the journey.
For surely without sight I will fall, and then who will catch me?
Karen Hayward © 2016.