I’ve counted to ten a thousand times since
waking to the gloom of another day filled
with yesterdays problems. The air is sucked
from my lungs, the deep niggling desire is
rising. Frustration sits in my throat, heart
beating, beating, beating. My muscles have
transformed into rock and I wonder if I
smash them open will I find crystals
gleaming back at me or just stone and more stone.
Fuck and fuck again i’ll continue to mumble this
beneath my breath as the suns rays burn into me as
I stare blankly into a solid blue sky whilst the world
continues to crumble around me. Dead rose petals
blackening at the edges reflect the mood inside my
heart. The fragrance lost, the depth highlighted,
life draining from them. Transparent the veins
an array of purple lines scribbled across the petal.
Defeat weighing heavy on my shoulders and I
despise that I have shoulders capable of carrying
these burdens. I despise what you have made me,
despise what I have become. Despise the multitude
of faces you force me to wear as you sit back watching.
Watching as I hold together the strings.
My fingers are bleeding, they’re ripping through
the palms of my hands, frustration clawing at my
One….. breathe and repeat!!