Dearest baby girl.

(My baby aged 2….she’s 9 now)

Dearest baby,
my beautiful lady,
I’ll love you always,
never maybe….
did you see it?
Her smile?
She understood,
she heard your
silent screams,
saw your
violent pain,
that lady that we saw,
she’ll put you
on your lane.
She wants to
help you out,
will carry a
little burden,
will be your
whispered wings
as you roar into
the skies.
Did you hear her?
She heard you.
My little lady,
my darling little baby,
she heard you,
she’s gonna walk
at your side,
help you battle through.
She heard you.
She heard you my little lady.
She heard you.

Karen Hayward @©2016

School echoes on the last of the summers breeze.

My dearest child the days have come

and passed and summers end is upon us.

School lingers, the mornings darken

as I fold away your uniform

let me tell you of my thoughts…

You are the calm between the beats of my

heart, the pride that swells every time I see

your smiling face.

Do not forget this.

Do not ever forget this.

This world can appear topsy turvy,

 your soul is oh so sensitive but know this,

you are the product of me,

inside of you,

inside of me,

is a ferocious lioness,

let her be your strength.

And when the lights shine too bright

and the noise screams

too loud, and when everything

is too hard, remember this,

You are my proudest accomplishment,

my heart skips a beat at every breath you take,

butterflies swarm through me every time

you calm your raging heart

and let that whisper out into the universe.

You are all that you are meant to be.

You are perfect, you see.

Karen Hayward ©2016

 

There’s no…

*Poems theme, the acceptance of occupational therapy led specialist equipment for a child with neurological needs ( gravitational insecurities, ASD, learning needs) Sigh.
There’s no 

preparation 

for the hiccoughs 

along our road. 

No amount of 

reading,

talking

or thinking. 

No one to catch 

me if I pause

and consider. 

So I choose

to see this 

with the same 

silver lining I see 

in every cloud that lands

upon my mat.
Karen Hayward ©2016

Dauntless.

Today I am reminded of the time when you asked me, can you be a member of dauntless.

Your every tear that falls
falls in me too.
As your soul fights to be brave
mine is torn apart.
Today your heart feels so very dark.
So how can I tell you…
Your heart is beating too fast,
and every sound is louder than the last.
There’s a swarm of bees in your body
That can’t break free.
Your legs hurt
Your arms hurt
Your skin hurts
Your soul hurts.
Tears are caught on your tongue
and all you want is mum.
But instead you are at school
But instead you are at school.

KH. ©2016

Fear: What the storm brings.

The wind howls through the branches, leaves dragging through the chilled air. The steady rhythm back and forth disrupted only when momentum has built. Then, then the wind crashes against the window pane as I lay alone in the bed. It slams wood into wood, sends tin cans scuttling, it rattles frantically at my letter box, pleading to get in and the shadows dance around the ceiling, I feel their icy fingers against my skin as they crawl beneath the covers. I watch, I watch the window in fear the howling wind will penetrate the glass. I watch the door waiting for the shadow man to reappear. I watch the ceiling for his slow 1, 2, 3 waltz. I pull the covers up and feel my cold fingers against my face, I do not pull it over, I fear what I cannot see more then what I can see. So I watch. I listen as the hands slowly move round clock. I listen to crash after wham after bang. My heart beating in unison as the storm projects its energies on this one spot, just outside my bedroom window.

Karen Hayward © 2016.

If I had known when you were born.

If I had known that day when they placed you in my arms

the life that fell ahead of you.

If I had known the fear that would consume you,

the confusion that would become you.

If I had known the long hours and limited breaks.

If I had known how many negatives I would need to make up for.

If I had known the whirlwind of constant you would be

and the energy it would take to keep up.

If I had known that so many things would feel wrong

and so few would feel right for you.

If I had known.

If I had known when they placed you in my arms

I would have done not a single thing differently.

Except perhaps I would have slept a little deeper while I could.

Karen Hayward (copyright) 2015.

 

I’ll Show You Your Dreams.

Tired and exhausted and my mind is a light

with the everyday life, that for my child is a fight.

But I promise you girl, I promise you this,

i’ll give you the words that you happen to miss.

I’ll be your hope, i’ll be your courage

i’ll be your strength, i’ll be your voice

and i’ll show you every day, that you

have a choice.

We’ll talk and we’ll touch and we’ll

play and we’ll learn,

‘Mum.’ is a title that I’ll truly earn.

I’ll show you your dreams, i’ll hold

your hand all the way,

because I promise you this,

you will be okay.

Karen Hayward (Copyright) 2015.

Walk in my shadow.

I only ask that you listen;

I only ask that you hear,

these things may seem tiny,

but, they create so much fear.

I only ask that you look;

I only ask that you see,

stop looking for disruption

not all kids up and flee.

I only ask that you touch;

I only ask that you feel,

put your feet in my shoes

and know that it’s real.

Karen Hayward (Copyright) 2015.

The Train Journey.

We’re going on a train today,

a train that moves and moves,

so my mummy brought along the bag,

filled with things that sooth.

We’re going on a train today,

along the bumpy tracks.

So my mummy wrote it out and

drew a detailed map.

We’re going on a journey that

takes us far from home,

my mummy brought my teddies

so I wouldn’t feel alone.

We’re going to a party,

where all these people love me,

my hearts in all a flutter,

so many things,

I need a shutter.

The train is going fast, the people

talk to much,

and in London it is obvious

they all do rush, rush, rush.

So my mummy takes my hand

and kisses on my cheek,

‘Relax my little lady’

these memories are yours

to keep,

Let go of the anxiety

and fly high above your head

look there in the deep blue sky

spread your wings instead.

I went on a train today

and my mum was right,

I really was ok.

My legs were heavy

and I wanted to flee,

my heart went fast,

but this didn’t last.

I got too hot

wanted it to stop,

my mouth was dry,

but at least I knew the reason

why.

I went on a train today,

a perfect memory

that will always stay.

The lions whisper.

Dear Teacher,

Today I trust you with my world,

so please, take care of my little girl.

She worked so hard to make it here

to fight back the terrible fear.

It’s hard for you to understand,

if you’ll only listen, I know you can.

Anxiety is no ones friend,

but most of all it’s not pretend.

Too scared to move,

you doubt it’s true,

if only for a moment, I wish you knew.

It’s not a coat or a badge of pride,

it’s a crippling fear, deep down inside.

It wears no face, it has no laugh,

it’s not tattooed there upon a scarf.

So hold her hand, take deep breaths,

she’s using up all that’s left.

That little whisper, is a lions roar,

don’t wait until, she can take no more.

Today I trust you with my world,

so please, take care of my brave, brave girl.