What is forgiveness.

What is forgiveness? I’ve spoke those words a thousand times over and still I search for peace. I’ve forgiven your knowing spiteful tongue, i’ve forgiven your chosen ignorance. I’ve worked tirelessly to hold together the slipping strings as you have pulled and pulled demanding respect for your title alone. I have shed tears in the darkness on the balance of your belief. I have stood alone day after day because you refuse to accept her. Pride, my pride was swallowed down the moment I became.Standing alone in the darkness with my pride, you have danced holding it up as though a trophy of my defeat, I forgive therefore I am naive, I am weak. I am without bitterness, I am without hate.I am beginning to wonder at what point I should close the gate. You are blinded by your own selfish beliefs. You are blinded by fear. Perhaps, forgiveness is meant for me, I cannot make you see, perhaps this time, forgiveness is meant for me.

Karen Hayward ©2015.

Belonging.

I’m still finding what it is, to have a poets mind.
I’m still discovering what it means to be, part of a kind.
I’m still over whelmed by these constant words that I find,
and i’m still accepting that this path is mine.

Karen Hayward ©2015.

Universal electrons electrified in a catalyst of hope.

Whispers in the breeze of yesterdays thoughts
I dream of a sanity that I have often sought.
As I look to the skies for the light that shines north
and I think of the beauty left uncaught.
I dream of a day where humanity goes forth,
where loneliness is felt no more
and poverty is no longer a disease of the poor.
All this in the whisper of a breeze along the shore,
a knowing that I will one day arrive at that door.

Karen Hayward ©2015.

List five places you want to visit. 30 day writing challenge.

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I love this question, mainly because it does not specify that these places have to have been scientifically proven to exist!

  1. To the depths of hell…who’s with me? I mean seriously this place of fire and ruin has been written about pretty much since the dawn of time and yet no one has actually been there taken a picture and come back. I feel a little sorry for the guy, constantly judged because he has a crappy landlord that won’t fix the heating!
  2. America, route 66…I really just wanna see behind the scenes of America, are there really eyes in the hills? :). This is actually a true destination I would like to visit. I do like the idea of travelling in areas that have been untouched by modern day society.
  3. The northern lights. We’ve all seen those little glass roofed huts that are constantly being advertised over on facebook right? I would love to lay back covered in blankets and just stare up at those amazing colours.
  4. Camping, I want to go camping so deep in the woods that I can actually close my eyes and pretend that society does not exist. Here in the UK our woods really aren’t all that vast, in fact the woods up the road from me, if you look hard enough through the branches you can see the road the other side…and a couple of druggies along the way!
  5. Lastly, I saw an image of a beach, the sand is covered in sea glass of a million different colours. I would like to go there. I love sea glass and I find it so mesmerising to imagine that this small piece of glass has been crashed against sand, stone and sea debris, has had waves of destruction crash down upon it and it has survived more beautiful than ever.

Karen Hayward (Copyright 2015)

The web weaved.

The mind plays tricks upon us spinning a weaved

web of empty space filled by words and emptied by actions.

It creates a belief based on an inability to care

under the premise that everything is shared.

An intricate pattern thoughts crossing

an intersection of closeness

and those spaces disappear from sight.

But eyes are never closed and paths are always

created and there we find another web,

two perhaps and what was mine has now been shared.

A name created based on spoken words,

for you to me the silken path so delicately created

is destroyed.

 

Karen Hayward (copyright 2015)

If I had known when you were born.

If I had known that day when they placed you in my arms

the life that fell ahead of you.

If I had known the fear that would consume you,

the confusion that would become you.

If I had known the long hours and limited breaks.

If I had known how many negatives I would need to make up for.

If I had known the whirlwind of constant you would be

and the energy it would take to keep up.

If I had known that so many things would feel wrong

and so few would feel right for you.

If I had known.

If I had known when they placed you in my arms

I would have done not a single thing differently.

Except perhaps I would have slept a little deeper while I could.

Karen Hayward (copyright) 2015.

 

List ten things that make you really happy. 30 day writing challenge.

Ten whole things that make me happy…

  1. The sun really makes me happy. In fact absolutely any heat source makes me feel really happy. I am by my very nature a very cold blooded person and my temperature rarely passes Luke warm. So when the suns heat falls on my skin and I can feel it warming me up it feels amazing, it fills me with a new level of energy that seeps into my blood and makes me want to skip and dance and sing…until the clouds come back over and I am left feeling cold and thirsty for that heat again.
  2. The rain. I know this kind of conflicts with number one, but hey ho. I love the sound of rain tapping at the windows. I love the feel of rain falling down on my face. I love soft fine misty rain, I love hard pounding rain. I love to jump hard into puddles and watch as the water flies out in all directions. I love the sound of cars as they drive along rain drenched roads. I love the way drops fall down and form into puddles. I love the sound as it drips down guttering. I love the way it sprinkles through the leaves. I love the way it leaves huge drops that run down the windows and huge drops that sit lovingly on the leaves. But best of all I like to get entirely soaked by the rain. I like for my clothes to cling to my rain drenched skin I like my hair to lay flat to my face…I like to go home, remove all of the cold wet clothes, run a steaming hot bubble bath and jump in with hot sweet tea to drink and whatever amazing book I am reading at the time. I like to feel the hot water warming my body as I can hear the rain drops tapping at the bathroom window.
  3. Good things happening to good people. No matter how big or how small I love to see good people have good things happen to them.
  4. The good morning salute from strangers in the street. There is something so amazingly magical about being out early in the morning and acknowledging those around you.
  5. Spaghetti Bolognaise covered in cheese and tomato sauce. This is my childhood favorite dinner and just the scent of this cooking is enough to send me back in time to those moments on a Saturday afternoon that I shared with my Dad, my friends, my brothers and my sisters.
  6. The early morning. Before the world has woken up I like to sit and listen to complete silence. I like to watch the sky as it travels through an array of colours before the sun stretches her arms p and reaches out. I like to watch the stars disappear from view knowing that actually they never leave us, we simply cannot see them.
  7. My cat Eddie, well all of my cats, but especially Eddie. Eddie (and his brother Emmet) was eleven days old when their mum got run over. I hand reared them and every day I didn’t believe they would survive and every day they got stronger. Eddie is now attached to my hip…or shoulder, or what ever body part he can perch himself on in an attempt to stay close to me at all times. He is a pest. He sleeps across my neck in the night and is often the cause of me being awake at stupid o’clock. But every time he nudges me for kisses, I know that he’s here because of the sacrifices I made. He is my little familiar.
  8. The moon. The moon is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and each and every time I stop to look up at her my stomach does somersaults to see such beauty.
  9. Who I have become makes me really happy. I am not what I dreamed I would become and I am much stronger than I believed I could be and there are no words for the paths I have taken and memories I have left behind me. I love myself. The reflection of me in a mirror makes me extremely happy but more than that it makes me extremely proud.
  10. Number ten. I left the best till last. The number one thing that makes me really happy is my most amazing and beautiful daughter. She is the diamond in my world.

 

Karen Hayward (copyright) 2015.