Anxiety in children; when the Caterpillar is too scared to turn.

We don’t ask for much only that you hear. 

Trust us when we tell you it’s a founded fear. 

Stop dismissing us as helicopter mums,

When will  you see anxietys not fun. 

You don’t understand I see it on your face,

every time I leave her here at this place. 

You do not know best. 

She’s not the same as the rest.

Every day I speak with you, every day nothing new,

Suddenly you decide theres a problem out of the blue?

And the reason for this problem, you haven’t got a clue!!

When I speak do you wander in your mind to your secret place,

Nod and smile, but you’re gone without a trace. 

Do you know what anxiety is? 

Can you recognise it? 

Can you see it in a child as they cower from the clouds,

sudden movements, a chill, the shade, a noise that’s too loud? 

Do you even see it, or is she so very quiet you just leave her be? 

If she cried and she screamed and she stamped her feet,

If she ripped her work and kicked her seat,

Would you help her then? 

Would you scour books with paper and pen? 

Would you be afresh with ideas to help my young girl,

Could YOUR understanding of anxiety, change HER world?
Karen Hayward ©2016

Can I be a member of Dauntless, Mum?

I’ve been filling out the dreaded occupational therapy forms and came across the question what are my daughters strengths and the first thing that came to mind was courage, this reminded me that I had this still lurking in my draft box. My daughter has a neurological condition called gravitational insecurities, to explain it simply her inner ear picks up a wobbly environment, she has an excessive fear of movement. She’s scared to walk down the stairs, or up them. She’s scared of the swing, the slide, the climbing frame the round about…the park. She’s scared if the wind blows. This list is endless, life scares her.

 

My daughter asked me, do I think she could ever be a *dauntless. We had just watched Tris jump from a moving train. I am instantly reminded of the slow walk toward the train station a couple of years ago when she broke down in tears begging me too tell her how she would get off the train, I don’t know where she had got the idea from, but, she was under the impression that trains didn’t actually stop to let people off. So when she asked did I think she could be a member of dauntless I wrapped my arms around her and whispered in her ear, yes, I believed she already was a member of dauntless. You see some people look at her and they only see her fears. I look at her and I see her courage. Each day she wakes up and faces a world that fills her with dread and fear. Each day she faces the stairs. Each day she goes into a world full of noise and movement and she does it with a smile, a skip and a giggle. And each time the world knocks her down, she gets back up. She has more courage in her blood then most adults I know. To me she is the very definition of dauntless. 

I often find myself asking what the hell is courage? Are the brave only the ones that climb mountains, swim with sharks and jump from planes? Because to me all three of these situations have everything to do with their minds processing their environment in a certain way and very little to do with courage. For me the brave person is the one that looks their fears straight in the eyes and then walks on through. Someone might be able to climb a mountain but they may not be able to tell another that they love them. Courage takes many, many forms not just the physical prowess of controlling the way our mind interprets its environment. The courageous speak up when others are too scared to,  they walk into a world each day that they know will leave them battered and perhaps scarred, they do it anyway.

In life we are constantly faced with choices that create that feeling of fear inside of us and when this happens our bodies react the way it knows it needs to. Given the flight or fight option many of us choose the flight option. We choose not to communicate, we choose to let our fears stop us from expressing ourselves, we let the fear dictate our choices. Our bodies know exactly how to be courageous but our mind whispers that the risk is too high.

A brave person that is ready to face all that life gives them; from the dizzy heights of a mountain top, or the top step of a spiral staircase or the whispered admission of love, these people gather more memories, learn more lessons, connect deeper with their God than that person that opts only to climb the mountain that causes them little or no fear.

 

Karen Hayward ©2016

 

*Dauntless….Divergent.

The faction dedicated to courage, bravery, toughness, and fearlessness. It was formed by those who blamed fear and cowardice as a cause of the problems society faced. It tries to fight cowardice by giving the advantage of preparation and the ability to act when facing a fear to its members.

The Train Journey.

We’re going on a train today,

a train that moves and moves,

so my mummy brought along the bag,

filled with things that sooth.

We’re going on a train today,

along the bumpy tracks.

So my mummy wrote it out and

drew a detailed map.

We’re going on a journey that

takes us far from home,

my mummy brought my teddies

so I wouldn’t feel alone.

We’re going to a party,

where all these people love me,

my hearts in all a flutter,

so many things,

I need a shutter.

The train is going fast, the people

talk to much,

and in London it is obvious

they all do rush, rush, rush.

So my mummy takes my hand

and kisses on my cheek,

‘Relax my little lady’

these memories are yours

to keep,

Let go of the anxiety

and fly high above your head

look there in the deep blue sky

spread your wings instead.

I went on a train today

and my mum was right,

I really was ok.

My legs were heavy

and I wanted to flee,

my heart went fast,

but this didn’t last.

I got too hot

wanted it to stop,

my mouth was dry,

but at least I knew the reason

why.

I went on a train today,

a perfect memory

that will always stay.

The lions whisper.

Dear Teacher,

Today I trust you with my world,

so please, take care of my little girl.

She worked so hard to make it here

to fight back the terrible fear.

It’s hard for you to understand,

if you’ll only listen, I know you can.

Anxiety is no ones friend,

but most of all it’s not pretend.

Too scared to move,

you doubt it’s true,

if only for a moment, I wish you knew.

It’s not a coat or a badge of pride,

it’s a crippling fear, deep down inside.

It wears no face, it has no laugh,

it’s not tattooed there upon a scarf.

So hold her hand, take deep breaths,

she’s using up all that’s left.

That little whisper, is a lions roar,

don’t wait until, she can take no more.

Today I trust you with my world,

so please, take care of my brave, brave girl.