For Emily-Rose xxxxxxxx


They said motherhood would change me,

I said I was unchangeable.

I was wrong.

They were wrong.

You changed me. How could I see darkness

when all I saw in your eyes

was light. How could

I teach you to love


until I had learned

to love myself. And so our

journey began in the warm nights laying

together, side by side. Inseparable. You taught

me to be a warrior. I teach you daily that you

are a lioness, braver than anyone. You

taught me to stop and look, to see,

to feel. You taught me that

perfection is so very


for all


are perfect.

You reminded me

that laughter is

the only

important thing

in life. And love.


beats love.


Karen Hayward ©2016

To say otherwise would be the lie.

I loved you.

To say otherwise would be a lie,

a god damn fucking lie.

Your very essence filled my veins,

you were the flame behind my eyes,

the fear in my beating heart

the sweat that pooled in my palms.

I loved you.

To say otherwise would be a lie,

a god damn fucking lie.

I had to love you.

I had to surrender to the hunger in my heart.

I had a weakness for the flavour of love.

Battered bruised and torn apart

An instinctual need to taste the crimson flow of blood,

the faint pulsating beat still fresh,

quenching my thirst for another day

I loved you.

To say otherwise would be a lie,

a god damn fucking lie.

Hazy memories coupled with perfect moments

that I keep locked in a jar, pickled

with the remnants of a lambs heart

evidence that I loved you,

each of you.

Yes. I loved each of you and to say

otherwise would be the lie.

A love so perfect, untainted by hate

a moments recognition between two souls,

darkness that seeped into our finger tips

passion that filled our kisses,

I loved you.

To say otherwise would be a lie.

I love you, I still love you, I will always love you

and is this so wrong? Is it so wrong to love, to be in love?

An indefinable term that is constantly squashed

into a patriarchal society, glossed over with

feminine charms. It didn’t last and so by definition

of society it was never love.

Society does not rule my soul.

Escaped musings from the thought tank

veiled in black lace and draped in pure white silk.

A plotted timeline of maturational evolution.

You were the blood soaked sheets

and I was the falling tears of a shredded heart.

I loved you, this was never a lie.

The vibrational beat of passion that tingled beneath

my pallid face, drawn out eyes that stared into

the abyss of darkness and begged on bloodied


I loved you.

Love is no fairytale, no white knights, no glass slippers,

no virgin dick with an instinctual knowledge

of the female soul.

Love is real and cannot be contained

inside a box of simplistic purity.

It is a force to be to adored, devoured

en-captured. The fluidity of lust.

Oh what a joy it is to drink in that fluid

of passion, to feel it energise the soul

as it becomes you, threatens to drown you.

As its fires burn in carnal lucidity.

I loved you.

To say otherwise would be a lie,

a god damn lie.

Karen Hayward ©2016

Let me love you.

Let me love you the only way I know how,
With one foot among the flames of hell.
My halo hanging from the door as Satan bangs down upon the floor.

Let me cherish your being the only way I’ve sought,
In whispered tones of unsaid thoughts.
In the endless space of empty words,
And the blank spaces that go unheard.

Let me adore the softness of your inner soul,
With shy blushes and a rising tide of a love I know.
With gentle thoughts and the slightest touch,
As the devil screams this is all too much.

Let me desire the very all of your being,
In broken sleep and heated dreaming
As need escapes, transforms the room,
and I beg and plead, take me soon.

Let me relish in our touch the only way I could,
With devil kisses in those places I never should.
In a trail of unforgiven memories across your skin,
Tainted now by our enchanted sin.

Let me devote myself to your spirit, with empty vows of love,
And let us hope this alone is enough.
My succubus soul and hearted sleeve,
And let these be the mortal sins of life we weave.

Karen Hayward ©2016.

Desolate vines.



Hearts desolate

we cry empty tears

into the moonlit sky

as we hold together the

charred remains

of our soul.

Vines creep through

us, snaking along our form

filling the empty voids

with light, life and new

growth. Vivid green

a beacon of hope, the

luscious leaf a place to rest.

Warm rays reach in

where fires have burned.

Karen Hayward ©2016


A white sheet of nothing and everything.

The frozen breath of silence as

trees lay bare deep in reflection.

Restoration of life resists detection.

The freezing of a heart by the soulless master

for destiny has a pace it can go no faster.

The soft echo of nothing and everything.

Listen carefully to the emptiness

you can hear enchantment sing.

Karen Hayward ©2016

Rays of sun upon my skin.

4.4.12 011


You are the rays reaching for me

wandering across my porcelain skin.

You are the suns burning energy

igniting deep inside of me.

You are the flame that burns at the

very essence of me.

You are the reason I come

out from the shadows.

You are the glistening gold that

creeps across a silent tide that

draws me in, that catches my eye.

Karen Hayward ©2016