Decided I had b…

Decided I had better update my Blog seeing as it is supposed to be an exercise in disciplining myself to write regularly. The problem with this, is that I am not a disciplined person, routine simply leaves me feeling bored and discouraged. Whilst I sit here, I can think of at least a thousand different, and far more exciting things that I would like to be doing. Of course having typed that last sentence I was instantly thrown into the most amazing day dreams of where I could be if I wasn’t here. So it seems only fair that I share my favourite day dream destination of the day…

The Eden Project   ( http://www.edenproject.com/ ) it would be so perfect on a day like today, i’ve never been there, but would so love to go.  Of course I would want to go there alone, my husband would hate it and would be beyond bored within seconds of arriving, my daughter however would absolutely love it, but her endless questions would drive me crazy. It is one of the few places I would love to explore alone, if only once, or at least with someone that didn’t moan constantly. I want to explore the vibrant colors, the many different scents that fill the air, the shapes. I simply want to sit amongst so much nature that I am able to forget about the world. There is of course a problem to my day dream, and that is I hate Bees and wasps, and i think i can safely assume that The Eden Project loves at the very least Bees…

Anyway back to reality, time is ticking by, and the school run will be upon me shortly, The Eden project will have to wait, for now I have my lovely Garden, with my lovely sunflowers…and not too many Bees.

Where to begin.

So I spent yesterday setting up this wonderful blog, only to feel thoroughly deflated by the end of it, and all inspired out. Late last night however i had myself an Epiphany and so here it is…..

I am an Open University student, among other things, and this is my fifth year of study. Last year i was lucky enough to discover, an amazing support network for the particular module i was studying, on an extremely popular social networking site.  Members of this group were not judged on their grades, or how superior they were amongst the herd, everybody had something valuable to say, and everybody got heard. Friendships were forged, and together we embarked on the journey that for many of us offered hope of a different life, of recognition and for some simply of pleasure. The module came to an end, but the friendships have not, and now we find ourselves setting of in very different directions, which has led myself and some of my fellow Friends, to the creative writing forum.

For many of us it has been like stepping back into the classroom, re-awakening the feelings of trepidation as we explore the new faces and characters, the strong and the weak. The separation we feel as we are torn from the comfort and safety of our present forum, is not only immense but intensified by the unknown of the creative writing forum. Many of the characters, that lay there in, are already published writers, with experience spanning back years, their confidence leaps from the screens of our computers causing many of us unprecedented levels of anxiety! Of course within every group of people we will find those that feel themselves superior, and those that demand to be heard, but just perhaps, they do this because they too are engulfed in self-doubt and trepidation.

Yesterday i was feeling very frustrated having finally figured out how to do the blogging, i was literally lost for words. So i turned to the unknowns, expecting very little, believing that I was only one who didn’t already have a blog and experience galore…I was wrong, and I ask for forgiveness. My very simple and uncreative wording was greeted with nothing but kindness, understanding and offers of help. I am not the only one starting this module without an abundance of experience, I am not the only one who is overwhelmed by the technologies of creative writing, I am not alone. There is hope, that this forum can be as good, and as comforting as the last was, but we must work together to create this harmony. I walked into the house of the Devil and admitted my weakness, i was not faced with monsters, but angels instead.

 

As the weeks pass, we will evolve, the monsters will grow being fed by our fears, but the Angels are there waiting with kindness, understanding and offers of help.

 

 

Drunken Ramblings

‘I think about you all the time’,

means nothing after wine.

‘I can’t get you out of my head’,

perfect, if said sober instead.

I know your heart hurts, you feel torn,

but that leaves me wondering, am I simply the thorn.

Tell me these words, when sober you are

I’ll go the distance, my love will go far.

But reassure me young man,

that this trip will be shared,

that your words are real,

that you actually care.

But do it I beg,

when sober instead.

I’m not asking for promises,

or even for changes,

just a little respect between our exchanges.

My heart feels as yours,

it’s lost and unsure,

and i need your words,

to reassure.

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The morning dawn drives on, rising slowly from its heavenly bed.

Spilling gold dust, sparingly across her tired face,

her true beauty radiating for all to see.

Her eyes like piercing arrows searching for the new day,

her hair  like red, hot,  fire burning tentatively in the morning sun.

Creative Writing (What if…)

What if…

What if karma, destiny and fate are all fake desires dressed up in the giuse of hope, but what if they are not.

What if are paths were always destined, our distance mapped out in the stars that guide us.

What if I am simply a good memory among so many bad ones, a memory designed to offer you hope.

What if that was always to be my purpose.

What if things had been different, I had been stronger, fought for my love, stood tall and confident, demanded to be seen and heard…would things be different?

What if all along, we were just meant to play cards in that old, battered, Black and White house.

What if that was our destiny.

 

Karen Hayward ©2012