Journey.

Two rucksacks,
One for each.
Four sleeps.
Smellies for you,
smellies for me.
A laminated route,
for you
A laminated map,
for you.
An itinerary,
for you.
I know this journey,
like the back of
my aging hands.
Two hands free,
for you.
Reassurance;
the train will stop,
three trains,
not a race,
the underground…
oh the underground.
One rucksack,
Favorite clothes
full bodied for
the anxiety…
baby, I know.
A nine year old teddy,
a unicorn teddy
and a full sized tiger
teddy,
monopoly, without the
box.
Pens, paper, books.
Kisses and cuddles.
Two rucksacks,
I’ll go without,
just clean undies
and PJs,
there’s room in my bag,
bring what you need.
Baby, bring what you
need.

Karen Hayward ©2016.

Taking my gal to visit Grandad today, by train, alone, for the first time since she was a baby, two bags only so my hands are free for her. Two bags and I’m pretty sure she’s bringing her entire bedroom. Her anxiety is up, way up. Her SPD is triggered she’s a bundle of nerves…she’s gonna do just fine….cos she has all those teddies..right lol especially that huge full size tiger!!!

A battle of anxious proportions.

Dear Mr anxiety,
You ain’t ever gonna get me.
I know you wait and stare,
You think it’s only fair.
You make my body ache,
you make my limbs shake,
my heart beat faster,
But, dear Mr anxiety, you ain’t my master.
Did you see me on the swing last week?
Laying back in that big round seat?
You wanted out to play,
but my Mummy whispered,
‘it’s all okay’,
her voice was like a light,
as you battled for the fight.
Did you see me on those stairs?
it was my biggest dare,
just you and me.
my mummy said,
Eyes up, look ahead.
But you whispered in my ear,
My body shook with fear,
you said, i cannot do it,
the stairs will break,
i will trip or miss,
Mummy just gave me a gentle kiss then whispered ‘baby you have this.’
Dear Mr Anxiety, I know your wings are big, they help you spread your fear,
but my mummy always knows when you are near.
Her wings are only small,
But they catch my every fall,  they light my every dark
And calm my beating heart.
So come watch me as I play,
Block my path,
I’ll find a different way,
Freeze my body still
blood pumping like a drill,
Make my body shake
And my muscles ache.
Your strength is mighty,
This is true,
But my mummy is
Mightier than
you.