Even the Devil doesn’t want you!

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Breathe in.
Deep.
Deeper.
Take the mornings
fragrance
into your soul.
Own it.
Know it.
It is the scent
of shame.
Never
forget it.

God, God’s
Deities, cosmos,
Angels, Gaia,
Science, Atoms
Spirits, nothing.

Breathe in.
Deep.
Deeper.
Feel the moist air.
Celestial tears
for the fallen.
Own it.
Know it.
It is the tears
of shame,
never
forget it.

God. God’s.
Deities. Cosmos.
Angels. Gaia.
Science. Atoms.
Spirits. . .
Nothing.

Breathe in.
Deep.
Deeper.
Listen. Listen
to your inner guide.
Hear the universe
as she speaks.
Karma has a voice.
The angels speak
in whispers.
God talks through
pray.
The earth screams
through leaves.

Our fallen,
angel wings
leave a trail of
shadows to
heaven’s gate.

God. God’s.
Deities. Cosmos.
Angels. Gaia.
Science. Atoms.
Spirits. . .
Nothing. . .
Stand guard.
Delivering.
Returning evil.
Waiting at the
gates of hell.

There is no glory
In blood
stained hands,
even Satan,
refuses to open
his gates.

Karen Hayward (c) 2017

Image and words

Superman can you teach me to fly?

Never forget. Life has this way of bashing our childhood innocence out of us with a sledgehammer and power saw leaving us fucked up, old, boring and without spirit. For some people this is the path they long for and good on them if this is case. It’s not for me. I’ve been there, trapped inside a mind that isn’t allowed out to play, trapped inside a reality that refuses to allow any kind of fantasy. I can’t remove these iron bars I still lack that key, but until then my spirit will slip between the bars and spread its wings among the clouds.

This morning coming back from the school run I saw the same Mum I see every day half dragging a mini gang of young kids in their uniforms up the road, she’s tired it hangs heavy in her eyes, this morning I saw her smile for the first time since the beginning of this school year.

Let me set the scene, i’m walking slowly down the road, dawdling cos my muscles are all pretty broken today, i’m thinking about how the yellow and red tulip looks like a flame when I hear the kid shout out…

Boy: Superman! Hi Superman! (He’s looking directly at me and suddenly I realise he is speaking to me….my Superman T-shirt to be more specific). 

Me: Hi…..(I’m Superman I can’t ignore him!) 

Boy: Super……(he’s not sure what to call me, he can see i’m female, but can’t find the female version of Superman, so he sticks with it) man, Superman, can I ask a question? (He’s past me now and is walking backwards, his Mum is still dragging him up the road….I say dragging in a nice way)

I stop and turn to face him, his face is a picture, he’s grinning ear to ear.

Boy: Can you teach me to fly?

Me: Not today, my cloak is in the wash. 

Boy: Can you teach me another day?

Me: So long as my cloak is clean and I have it with me I can….

And that’s when I see her smiling, he has his Mothers smile, she’s now half dragging and half giggling. She still looks tired but far less stressed. His three sisters and brother are all smiling too. They’re happy.

Boy: Yes!! Bye Superman! 

Me: Bye kiddo, have a super day at school kids!

I hear him screaming ‘Bye Superman’. until they pass around the corner at the end of the road. In that instant I am reminded of the days when Super heroes meant everything to me, in a world where I could not trust anyone, I could at the very least believe in the hope that Super heroes offer.  It reminded me of the innocence of childhood, an innocence that for some is escapism and for others, simply a world they wish to believe in, either way his innocence is beautiful and my soul is blessed, if only for a moment to have seen such beauty.

 

Karen Hayward ©2016

Learning new stuff.

So for those that know me well, they know I’ve always got something going on, well this weeks something is this. So firstly what is it, it’s cousera a great place to study at no cost, the courses are provided by many, many global universities, and shall I say it again, at no cost! You can of course pay to have a certificate sent out to you £32 for the UK, so depending if you want the certificate, me personally I just enjoy filling my head up :). The course I chose this time is Soul Beliefs: Causes and Consequences-unit 1: Historical foundations. Which in my opinion is absolutely perfect for where my thoughts are at the moment :). So anyway, yeah just thought I would be kind and share the link, in case anyone else fancies some free learning. 🙂 I think if I remember rightly they have a creative writing course too :).

I just do not know.

 

 

You see, I don’t know if

I believe in God.

But I do believe in hell.

Here among these faces

my heart does begin to swell.

I don’t know who drives my life,

or who carries me when

I am filled with strife.

I do know

that we am not alone.

 

I don’t know if life is fate,

or if I will stand at those pearly gates,

or perhaps, that Satan will be my final date.

I just do not know.

 

And I don’t know who is right

and who is wrong.

I don’t know if I can believe in

one single thing,

but I do believe in the power

of the words written in hymns.

I’m not sure if I believe that God

loves all,

but I do believe that people love,

even those that fall.

 

I don’t know if life is fate,

or if I will stand at those pearly gates,

or perhaps Satan will be my final date.

I just do not know.

 

I don’t know how to trust

what I can only feel.

I am unsure whether it was God

that created,

or whether evolution should

be celebrated.

I don’t know if Eve took the apple

because Adam couldn’t,

or if actually it was the start

of a list should and shouldn’t.

 

I don’t know if life is fate,

or if I will stand at those pearly gates,

or perhaps, that Satan will be my final date.

I just do not know.

 

I don’t understand why we must

be all dressed up and look our best.

Doesn’t God see all? Hasn’t he

seen me looking smart?

and how do my clothes reflect

what lays in my heart?

I don’t understand who has

more rules, God or man.

It is here that I struggle

to truly understand.

 

And I do not know how to believe

in what I cannot see,

and yet, I do believe that

those who do, are truly set free.

 

Karen Hayward ©2015 image and words.