write about five blessings in your life. 30 day writing challenges.

Write about five blessings in my life ūüôā

  1. Oh my number one blessing is my daughter. She’s a child with needs and I could sit here and whack a label on her and most people would sit back and think oh yeah, I get that, i’ve read about that she must be like this or that…but I wont, because she isn’t. Instead let me tell you why from the second she was created inside of me she has been my blessing. Firstly it took over two years to conceive her, she was very much a wanted child and I discovered I was pregnant a couple of weeks after celebrating our one year wedding anniversary. You know within the first day whether you have given birth to a sleeper or an awaker, I had myself a sleeper, 23 hours a day for the first week, each week she slept less and i got to enjoy her even more. As she grew, I grew along side her, because for the first time someone needed me to be more than I believed I could I be. I did it for her not because she needed me to be the best mum I could be, I did it because I needed to be the best mum I could. She grew and grew and grew some more and on the one side the older she became the more obvious it was that she had extra needs (she barely spoke for the first five years…now you cannot shut her up!) People often ask me if I am aware of how different she is, no, not really, everything I do for her is a natural response to her. Sometimes though when it’s been a long day and she’s called me into her bedroom for the hundredth time because she needs a blankie that is right there next to her, I do think dear God, somebody please help me! But otherwise no. But the truth is she is eight, and still needs the same level of support and guidance you might give a five year old. She has to be prompted every step, every instruction has to be broken down, and I am constantly on guard for the type of language used around her (she takes hings literally!) just the other day we had a funny moment,

Me “You only ate a couple of mouth fulls, I need you to eat more.”

Her “You little liar!”…she then bursts into tears!

The reason for the tears was that she thought I had been calling her a liar, she thought (and rightfully, as it was a bad choice of words) that I had said she had only eaten two (a couple) mouth fulls of dinner!

She has something called Gravitational Insecurities (yeah I know I said no labels!) it basically means she has a fear of movement, if it moves it causes her extreme anxiety. Just take a moment to look around you and think about how much movement occurs naturally and constantly around you, just stop and think about the very beating of your heart, the constant drumming the constant movement. Everything causes her anxiety. And yet every single day she comes pounding along the hallway with the biggest smile on her face as she bravely faces each new day. Yes the world might scare her, but no she isn’t ready to admit defeat. She is braver than any adult I know.

She is amazingly innocent. She has a heart that is capable of so very much and constantly she is able to see good and happiness around her. She smiles even when inside she is breaking, she sings when her entire body is screaming in fear, she tries even when the mind is pleading with her that she can’t. She has shown me more beautiful things in this world than any body else. She is my blessing.

  1. My family, yeah I know, I know we all say it our family is a blessing. ¬†But the reality is a I had a childhood that could have been very different to the one I had. The choices made when I was a toddler ensured that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I often think myself lucky now as an adult when I see people around me declaring they hate their mum or dad or sibling. You see yes we argue, but we are always there for each other. Yes we disagree but we always have each others back and yes sometimes words get slung around but we never stoop so low to actually be spiteful and hurt one another. It seems to be a rarity these days. I am blessed to have my family.
  2. I am blessed that somewhere along the female genetic maternal line there is this huge streak of female creativity. A streak that comes more natural than anything I have ever felt, and although growing up outside of the maternal home I didn’t get to experience it growing up I have now discovered it and I am blessed because of it.
  3. I am blessed to live in a society where my opinions don’t get me arrested. I sometimes wonder I would survive living in a society that dictated her I should be, this thought scares me.
  4. I am blessed that along the paths I chose to take when growing up I clearly had an angel or two watching over me. Without them I do not know where I would have ended up. Thank you.

Karen Hayward ©2015.

Haiku. The bridge of paradise.

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Hear silent whispers

beneath the bridge of paradise

an eternal beauty.

 

Karen Hayward © Image and words 2015.

 

Fires burn and ashes float.

Can you see through the desire?

Do you see I am more than a raging fire?

I can be the flame that dances to the flute

my truth is not under dispute.

But I am whole and that is not

do you see the bit that even I forgot?

Karen Hayward  ©2015

 

 

Something you always think…what if about? 30 day writing challenge.

This is a toughy of a question. I generally try to think of life without regret. Regret is no good for anyone, which means I spend very little time thinking about what if, what if is very much in the past. However there are a number of situations that when I consider what if, they make me appreciate that without doubt throughout my life there has been a greater force steering me in the right direction. So, I guess my what if question would start all those years ago in Scotland, what if my Dad had never discovered where about’s we were? What if cuddling up against my Dad on that long, long coach trip home had never become a memory. How different would I be now? Religion (Catholic) would without doubt be a driving force in my character, my accent would be harsh and coldness would be the only weather I knew! What if people’s decisions had been different, I could have known what life in the system was like, what if sacrifices hadn’t been made, I would have known a deep and resentful loneliness.

What if none of this happened, what if I had never misbehaved as a teenager, never known alcohol, never kissed a boy till marriage, never lifted my head up high enough to see the world. Would I still have become a poet? What would I write about? Would my words be an educated form of letters strung together by the grey and glued to the page with innocence? Where would my passion be? My desire to live? What if I had never discovered the joys of odd socks? Or the liberation of living a life where by my aim is to impress no one but myself?

I don’t want a life of what if’s. Those days have passed and become memories. It is always our choice how we recall the days gone and if we are in a constant state of what if then we are living in the past, one toe in the future filled with dread and fear. That is no life for anyone.

 

Karen Hayward ©2015.

 

 

Mother and daughter, in a single second.

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In a single second I have a thousand thoughts.

I visit a thousand places

and see a thousand faces.

I see a thousand sights,

my feet walk a thousand miles

and I see a thousand smiles.

I touch a thousand hearts

and see a thousand stars.

In a single second

I am everywhere but here.

Then in a single glance I see you,

and I know I have found home.

This home has no walls

and it has no floor.

This home is not a place

but a response to your face.

A journey, an honor placed upon me

and when I look upon your eyes I see my destiny.

And in the beating of our hearts i know;

that every path I took,

every darkness bestowed upon me,

every tear that fell,

was for you.

In a single second I am everywhere

but here,

in a single glance I am always near.

Karen Hayward ©2015. Image and words.

Release.

The finger tapping sound of frustration constantly drumming in my blood.

My body stings for the release of these non negotiable feelings that

hinder me so.

Locked inside a cage, flaming red spilling down the bars as they vibrate on a personal frequency.

Let me out of these restraints. Come closer let me feel you there.

This need just keeps on growing a distraction of the mind.

To make up to feel to touch to see to have us be.

To utter nothing but the screams of passion. To feel nothing

but the pounding throb of satisfaction. Empty me, empty my

thoughts and replace them with your touch. Peel away my tiredness

and replace it with your sensual energy. Take away this need that

I have to devour you, give yourself to me. Lay naked with me beneath

the dying stars. Trail the moons loving light across my skin with

with your soft and tender lips. For a moment, a moment in time

that cannot be taken, a pause between the worlds. Gently guide

my thoughts through this mind field of destruction. Take me, take

me there to that place where I can scream as waves of pleasure

release me from these chains of life. Take me, take away what I

cannot do and replace it with what I can.

 

Karen Hayward ©2015.

 

 

 

 

I see it now, I never did

the reason why I never hid.

It’s more than bodies

it’s pent up¬†release.

The things I hold the things I tell

they need a place for me to yell.

Naked skin and deep raw sex

works for me the very best.

Screaming words and pleasant pain

so much to lose so much to gain.

But take it slow, lead me in

make it pure, pure as sin.

Remove my clothes remove my thoughts

show me yours, it’s what I sought.

Then take my hand, place it there

and use your tongue to show you care.

 

 

Karen Hayward © 2015