Till the ink becomes blood.

Photo

If I could. . .

I would spend all day writing
And all night reading
Ideas evolving
And concepts breeding.
I would watch every sun setting
and see it as a new day seeding.
True soul nourishment breathing
My psyche feeding.
Beneath moons we’d sit kissing
the violent rush of our hearts beating
My pencils scribbling
Ink of need my pens drawing.
With time true art would begin thawing
an explosion of thoughts all storing.
An implosion of life breeding,
Happiness evolving,
I would spend all day writing
And all night reading.

Karen Hayward ©2017
Image and words

Sensuality of a blank canvas.

There’s no space on the page where my words can settle without burning
the sheet to ash. Speckles of ash that are lifted into the breeze, thoughts
carried away into the universe.
There’s no way to spill the calm of chaos into a logical sentence that can
be read and understood, rarely can the light walkers understand the dark.
There’s no way to create form with a desire that walks on the edge of
nothingness, no perfect Haiku to whisper in code, or sonnet to bumpily
rhyme away sinful thoughts.
Perhaps if I had an invisible pen i could write of the desires, I could tell of
the thoughts that would make even the devil blush.
I could explore the page with a fresh energy, words trailing, thoughts
wandering as do fingers or eye’s or the passion that sits on the
lips of a lover.
Or perhaps, I can write in rhyme safe in the knowledge that the beat will
hide from sight my continual need for you.
Trivialization of such thoughts feels like a form of infedelity to myself, to
the empty space in front of me, to the blank page that can become so
much, yet begs me to not make a liar of it.
Perhaps the emptiness is better than being compliant and trying to force
delicious chaos into some form of normality.

Karen Hayward ©2015

Narnia beckons.

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Knit one, knit one, knit one

I ponder when the world will stop

spinning so I can breathe.

Knit one, purl one, knit one,

people ask is it hard,

I say yes,

It’s a lie.

My…piano fingers, artists fingers,

oh whatever,

my long bony fingers make

light work of the needles.

Purl one, purl one…

what row am I on? What does it

matter, like all things in my life

this will become a chaotic flow

of mistakes lovingly crafted

together.

Knit one, purl one, knit five

I don’t use a pattern, I don’t need

a pattern the image is super imposed

inside of my mind and analytically

broken down, I see it as it needs to be

created, as I do all things.

Knit five, purl two, knit five

from this angle I can see world

peace on the horizon.

My mind scrambles to create a pattern

for the Narnia wardrobe, hopeful

I could slip through and be met by

the lovely Mr Tumnus.

 

Karen Hayward ©201

 

 

 

The Black veil.

The creation of distance an elaborate wall of defense indestructible, impregnable. The seeping residue of desire eliminated on sight. Just the slip of the tongue an inkling of fun, in the harshest of lights I find this new sight.  Freedom of sorts exploration of thoughts, no tie to reality my speciality. Follow me into the depths of despair, in the shadows you’ll find someone to care, a troll a monster or darkness itself. Walk with me through the hollow shells, where once sat a heart that often did swell. Let me use you and take you I promise it’s true. The honesty found in the erective salute and the white flaming juice that you’re able to shoot. Play the strings, strum them, listen as their melody fills the air and know for a moment that you are there. Hope for a moments recognition in the blinking of an eye,  see the emptiness recognised by only the sky. Sheets covered, sticky and wet, a moments pleasure you might try to forget. It follows you around in the depths of your mind, a curiosity of what creature you’ve found. Emotive humans slave to their thoughts always seeking what they believe to have sought. Spiteful words, indignation to the free soul that constantly needs out for an elaborate stroll. Walks filled with passion, fingers that roam, thoughts that are free to imagine,  yet blinded in the caves of repression. A divide, a sliver of time where darkness hides. A slip of the foot, a slide of the toe changes the results of the black lace show. Bodies hanging from the butchers hooks desire congealed in realities nook. Flesh and blood and bone, alone. Alone. Aesthetically pleasing until the flesh will rot, bones will crumble, blood will dry and no one will utter goodbye.

 

Karen Hayward ©2016.

liebster award, big thanks.

award

So, I was just nosing through the spam folder and I found this hiding away in there as though it had no importance in my life. Oh my goodness, how wrong, such a big surprise though. Thank you annoymous !ndian for nominating me for this super fantastic amazing award.

The rules for this very prestigious award are as follows:

1. Display the Liebster Award badge on your blog.

2. Thank and link back to the person who nominated you.

3. Answer the nominator’s 11 questions.

4. Nominate 11 other new bloggers.

5. Draft 11 new questions for the people nominated by you.

6. Notify your nominees.

So, annoymous !ndian gave me these lovely questions. I’m actually looking forward to answering these, as it’s been a while since i’ve really reached out and interacted on the blog.

1. If you could choose a superpower, what would it be?

Oh Jesus Christ, I want them all. Lets start with Superman, now I love this guy, he can fly, is super strong and always comes swooping in to save the day just in time. I’d love to be able to just fly out of my window and float up there in space amongst the stars. Super strength would also be a great asset, and speed too, oh imagine how fast I could get the housework done, it would be good. As much as Superman is my real life super hero, and I do love my superman pjs, and jumper, seriously the man rocks my boat. But I think I saw on X-men one of the mutants had the power to change super powers, all he had to do was touch them and he took on their super power…power absorption…yeah I want that, I want a little teeny tiny bit of everything. Guys go check out this great page on super hero powers :).

2. Which book/movie character can you relate yourself the most with?

Oh this ones a toughy, i’m not entirely sure that I feel like I can relate to any characters. I think I often read to find escape, escape from me and my world, to explore how life could be or is for other people. However, there is a character in The Color Purple, Alice Walker. Mary Agnes, Squeak

‘Harpo say, I love you, Squeak. He kneel down and try to put his arms round her waist. She stand up. My name Mary Agnes, she say.’

This is the point when Mary Agnes takes control over her own life, she’s just raped and beaten. This simple line shows so much strength, it also shows the importance of a simple name, it is who we are, and who we refuse to be. I do have a thing about my name, it is the name I was given at birth, it is who I am, it is my strength and my power.

3.What inspired you to start blogging?

Nothing. Nothing inspired me to blog. I was completing my English degree and as part of my course I decided on a whim to choose an easier module (creative writing), I needed a rest and wanted to study something less intense and more enjoyable. I wasn’t expecting to be any good at writing. We were advised that we needed to be writing every day, a blog, it was advised, is a good way of doing that. So blindly I set up my blog with no idea of how or why. Like most things in life it soon became apparent what the purpose of my blog should be as I learned to write and explore different modes. Poetry came naturally to me in a way I never could have even have dreamed. It took a good year or so, for me to find my feet and truly start to bloom.

4. What is the most breathtaking sight you have seen?

Ok deep breathe, here I go;

  • my daughter, covered in slime and blood, wrinkled and crying, looking at me, looking at her for the first time,
  • my cat giving birth! seriously that stuff is crazy cool,
  • the moment my daughter and her besty managed to resolve a quarrel between the pair of them for the first time…they’re growing up!
  • I live at the seaside, and a few times a year we have a super massive high tide with waves crashing well over the sea defences. It is an amazing sight to see as this ferocious wave crashes down to earth followed by a seconds echoless silence.
  • Italy, such an amazingly unique creation.
  • A swarm of Dragonflies that kept visiting my garden in the summer last year! To see one is amazing, but too see a swarm of them dancing for you, breathtaking.

5. Books vs Movies? Which one do you think is better? Why?

99% of the time it is books.  The thing I love about books is that so much of the visualisation of the story is based upon your own life experiences. This allows us to connect to the story and truly relate, it gives us release and exploration of our own thoughts.

Sometimes, the film makers get it right though, sometimes. Game of Thrones I think is a great example of a book turned tv programme that has worked, and worked fantastically.

6. How would you describe yourself in one sentence?

I wouldn’t that’s just crazy talk, one sentence? Ain’t gonna happen…but i’ll try.

I’m a good soul with a wildly fierce spirit. 🙂

That wasn’t so hard!

7. What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

Another toughy. I guess its gonna have to be, not to judge another person and when and where you can offer support and understanding. I mean who really cares, aint my place to care. If someone is happy then we should celebrate that happiness, not try and tear it down. We could all do with caring a little less about the opinions off others, life is for living, your way. There is no happiness to be found by waking up each morning and hiding behind a mask that you just don’t want to be wearing. People will except you, or not. Those that don’t, most likely have nothing productive they can offer you anyway, so really there is no loss.

8. What’s your favourite colour?

Yellow…like daffodils and daisies. Red…like wild passion and crimson blood. Purple..I actually have no reason for loving purple and yet I find it every where in my life, I suspect purple may be a colour that my soul loves. My favourite colour can change from one moment to the next depending on my mood.

9.  If you could travel anywhere in the world and money was no object, where would you go? Why?

America, route 66. Why? Intrigue I think.

10. Have you ever believed in ghosts?

Yes. As a kid I believed that ghosts were every where, hiding, waiting to scare me. As an adult my beliefs and knowledge have advanced. I don’t not believe in ghosts, but I am forever looking for proof, not ready just yet to blindly believe in something that I cannot see, and I think this is a good thing, I think that when we finally accept something like this, we stop searching and advancing, and instead accept blindly what we are told.

11. If you could live your life in a fictional world (like Panem, Hogwarts etc.) which one would you choose?

Narnia…no, no, no down the rabbit hole….no, no, no Hogwarts. Fuck it i’d be a fictional world hopper, diving between worlds as and when I wanted too!

Oh that was fun!

So who do I nominate….YOU. Yep that’s right, did you stop and read this, yep? Then you is nominated! So show me some love! The questions are as follows;

1. Odd socks? Love them or loathe them? When was the last time you wore odds?

2. It’s late at night and you’re peckish, what naughty food do you crave?

3. What does your dream home look like? (if money were no problem)

4. Elsa or Anna and why? (Frozen)

5. What are your secret reading habits? (I like to read old ladies magazines at the doctors surgery!)

6. What’s the funniest joke you know?

7. What is your fave book and why?

8. When the zombie apocalypse happens, what’s your plans for survival?

9. What is the toughest lesson you have had to learn in life?

10. Real book or e-reader, and why?

11. What are your plans if over night the entire world loses internet connection?

Ha ha have fun guys!