I want you to hurt, the same way that you hurt me.
I want your world to fall apart the same way mine did.
I want for you to question it all; the seconds, the moments,
those intimate words spoken and the soft tender kisses once felt.
I want you to know how that feels.
I want it all to turn a muted shade of grey. For the pain to be
so deep inside your soul that each new sun causes you agony
and each new moon brings you ever closer to the loneliness I felt.
I want you to explore the emptiness, like I did. I want you to
walk along those paths that no light reaches, to feel it against
your skin as it worms its way through you. As your eyes become
accustom to the shadows and you face the darkness. I want you
to become the dark nights, like I did. I want you to learn to drink
in the despair and let it intoxicate your life supply blackening
your heart to any future love, like it did mine.
Once there I do not want you
to wallow in self pity.
I do not want the dark soldiers
to devour your soul,
I simply want for you to see, like I did.
See what I saw.
I want you to understand like I did, understand the hurt, like I did,
the emptiness you left me with.
I don’t want you to be forever wondering
what was real,
what was not,
like I did.
I want you to know it is real, as I wish I could know
this for myself. I want you to let go of that past, like I did.
Leave it behind in that dark room filled with questions and lacking in
happiness. Leave it behind and clear away that slate. To understand
is to clearly see, to see with trust to see with honesty, I want you
to understand the minutes, the days the years without you are a blur
of knowing, I want you to understand like I did.
What I want doesn’t matter and never has. I want it to matter.
I thought I did, I thought I didn’t then I did and then I didn’t.
I want you to know how that felt.
The uncertainty, those whispers that hid away the words of truth
I want you to see the damage they have done,
I want you to see the damage they can do,
I want you to understand why that path was not for me.
I want you to feel the importance of completion, like I did.
I want for you to understand, like I had to learn to.
I want you to hear the words not said and feel the kisses
not given. I want you to believe in what you cannot see and
cannot touch, like I did.
I want you to hurt, like I did. Then I can I know it was real.