Whispers from within the shadows.

chaos

Dear shadow whisperer, in deaths ungodly hour.
Go hither yon this soul you cannot devour.
Come search the recess of my mind so fair
for I have dwelled at the devils lair.
I do not quake in damsel fear
when the dark essence of despair comes near.
I have danced in the caves of hell
(where even the strongest Angels fell)
to the inconsolable rhythm of survival,
Oh dark Lord, you are no rival.
I have sold all my wares,
In deprivation of my cares
an Ice Queens heart,
I’ve played that part.
Shadow whisperer take heed and walk away,
I am no longer yours so do not delay.
You cannot corrupt shadows of the broken
When through it all souls long awoken.
Shadow whisperer hear me as I call unto you,
darkness resides within is true but I have stopped
worshiping the darkness that is you.

Karen Hayward* ©2017

Image found on Pinterest.

Once Free.

What is it that you see,

when you look down upon me

from your almighty throne

with your heart made of stone.

What is it that you see?

What is it that you see,

when i’m down on my knee’s

with tears in my eye’s

are you wishing I would cry.

What is it that you see?

What is it that you see,

when I fall down to the ground

soul broken open, I utter no sound

and you watch and you stare

wondering for a moment whether you

even care.

What is it that you see?

Can’t you at least tell me,

of the girl that flew high

through the blue emerald sky.

What is that you see

when you look down upon me

the cage and key?

or a soul once free?

A risk for he that did once exist.

In the back waters of reality I know it don’t exist

illusions whisper in the night, that it is a worthy risk.

So many dreams to spoil in a day

just with the words I so need to say.

I stop and I think and I turn away

and wonder who is it, that I truly betray.

In the back waters of reality I tell myself this,

you are an image that no longer exists.

The pretence of the truth of a forgotten kiss,

is that really worthy of the risk?

I Want You to Hurt.

I want you to hurt, the same way that you hurt me.

I want your world to fall apart the same way mine did.

I want for you to question it all; the seconds, the moments,

those intimate words spoken and the soft tender kisses once felt.

I want you to know how that feels.

I want it all to turn a muted shade of grey. For the pain to be

so deep inside your soul that each new sun causes you agony

and each new moon brings you ever closer to the loneliness I felt.

I want you to explore the emptiness, like I did. I want you to

walk along those paths that no light reaches, to feel it against

your skin as it worms its way through you. As your eyes become

accustom to the shadows and you face the darkness. I want you

to become the dark nights, like I did. I want you to learn to drink

in the despair and let it intoxicate your life supply blackening

your heart to any future love, like it did mine.

Once there I do not want you

to wallow in self pity.

I do not want the dark soldiers

to devour your soul,

I simply want for you to see, like I did.

See what I saw.

I want you to understand like I did, understand the hurt, like I did,

the emptiness you left me with.

I don’t want you to be forever wondering

what was real,

what was not,

like I did.

I want you to know it is real, as I wish I could know

this for myself. I want you to let go of that past, like I did.

Leave it behind in that  dark room filled with questions and lacking in

happiness. Leave it behind and clear away that slate. To understand

is to clearly see, to see with trust to see with honesty, I want you

to understand the minutes, the days the years without you are a blur

of knowing, I want you to understand like I did.

What I want doesn’t matter and never has. I want it to matter.

I thought I did, I thought I didn’t then I did and then I didn’t.

I want you to know how that felt.

The uncertainty, those whispers that hid away the words of truth

I want you to see the damage they have done,

I want you to see the damage they can do,

I want you to understand why that path was not for me.

I want you to feel the importance of completion, like I did.

I want for you to understand, like I had to learn to.

I want you to hear the words not said and feel the kisses

not given. I want you to believe in what you cannot see and

cannot touch, like I did.

I want you to hurt, like I did. Then I can I know it was real.