When patience run amok

Got an advert you want to share?
A great opportunity, money off
something to sell, promotions to
promote? No time to waste, slap
it here..there…everywhere,
kerching!
Boom, boom, boom, boom
same post in different rooms
On to a winner!
Bad spelling? Who cares!
Spamming.. Brings in the money
I mean the pennies
I mean… Damn I’m banned.
“This time next year we’ll
be millionaires”
Why does no one care!
I’m only trying to share!
My crap… Every bloody where,
This is so exciting…
Boom, boom, boom, boom
All from deep in my squalor room,
The moneys gonna roll in
real fucking soon…
Boom, boom, catch
Boom, catch
Catch
Damn banned again
for being a twat
and your wallet still ain’t
growing fat…
So, go, away with ya
you vermin, you rats
You spam.. We catch.

Karen Hayward ©2018

Image found via WordPress library

Narcicist .

I recently had the pleasure of sharing private messages with a narcissist. By pleasure I mean soul destroying energy draining horror. I wouldn’t normally choose to communicate with such a person but in this case my eye was off the ball and before I knew it he was under my skin. I blocked him. Yet his presence has continued to annoy me. The fault lays entirely with me my intuition screamed at me that there was something wrong about this person, but this clashed with my beliefs that we shouldn’t judge a person on first impressions….what the fucking hell was I thinking!  I communicated with him for just under a week and in that time he shared anger, gas lighting, manipulation, obsessiveness, a desire for power and control as well as an ability to wield that power and control. All of these emotions convert to energy as an empath I pick up on that frequency of energy….the problem with this is that most other people can’t , so his public posts just appeared to them as harmless, quirky as us writers are, but harmless. Of course in his pm’s he was able to explore my vulnerabilities with more vigour, but it was also there in his public posts and replies. I should have been able to shake him off but the reality is his clear disrespect toward me has highlighted my vulnerabilities and taken me into a place of questioning. Amazing how quickly a narcissist can get in and fuck with your head. In short he disrespected me as a female writer, us females are already fighting enough stereotypical crap as it is we don’t need individuals to play along too. He did this in a number of ways, covertly communicating in such a way that he expected me to not notice. I did notice. The vulnerabilities he highlighted have been dominating my mind and pushing me into a corner to clearly stand up and define who it is I am as both a person and a writer. I guess in a way the situation has made me question whether he didn’t take me seriously as a writer, because up until this point I haven’t taken myself seriously as a writer.

Over the next few weeks I plan to explore the different ways in which this person was able to disrespect me as a writer. I could of course sweep it under the rug, shrug it off and pretend it never happened, but why the fuck should I, my writing style pushes the boundaries and I often explore topics that allows society to stereotypically label me. This is the problem.. I am who I am, I am not the words on page I am the spaces between them and for that alone I deserve respect.

Karen Hayward ©2016.

You’re the player i’m the fool,

You have the perfect life and that’s cool.

You’re insincere, your words are fake,

I’ve taken all that I can take.

 

A shallow crack that grows so deep,

I will not let it stop my sleep.

Your words were lies,

I will not cry.

 

The end has come,

you had your fun,

never was I number one,

Never was I number one.