For Metatron I savour the perfect moments.

I have a jar up high on a shelf somewhere deep inside my mind,
I fill it with the perfect moments that I find.
Kisses that should have been, fingers tracing as they pull apart, that knowing look that says I want, I need but I cannot. Love, my jar is filled with the love I have for a thousand things. My jar is filled with perfect memories. Untarnished by reality a picture of emotions captured through a crystal lens. When my jar is full I shall fill another and another and as my final breath leaves my body and I  ascend into death, Metatron will smile upon me as I give to him the gems of humanity I have savoured.

Karen Hayward ©2016

If people knew what they leak.

If people could see what they leak,
the way their emotions flow through
the atmosphere. The tears they
refuse to cry.
The lies.
The pain they lock away for
a darker day.
It all leaks.
It skips across the breath of some,
dances through the mind of others.
Seeps into me.
If people could hear what their eyes say,
what the pause between their words tells me.
If people knew what they leak.
The excitement that flutters in my stomach with an unknown cause,
The heart that breaks over and over,
pain caught in my throat.
The fear, oh the fear that fills our souls that seeps from the psych invisible to
the naked eye.
If people knew what they leak.
They’d understand why I seek solitude,
why my mind is so very open
to the possibilities.
If people knew what they leak they would know why it is I am open and closed in a single heart beat.

Karen Hayward © 2016.

Emotional Descent.

Nothing comes, whilst it all is there

I never thought that I would care.

A chemical reaction and skin that is bare

and that bit of you, that you’d readily share.

But i’m without claim and freedom is yours

so take her if you please, do it on all fours.

Body to body it’s an action of lust

has nothing to do with emotional trust.

So why…

Why did nobody say that the lines become blurred,

that you’ll see emotions written in the words.

Excitement of touch falls to the page

and in that moment I hear what you say.

Words for another

as you explore a new lover.

And perhaps it makes sense

my emotional descent.

It’s more than the skin, the touch and the feel

it’s spirits that touch a connection so real.

And I did not expect didn’t know it was there

but the response that I got, was to be shown that

I care.

Melting down in the split of a moment.

Why didn’t you tell me why didn’t you say?

Please don’t change my plans that’s really not okay.

Why was the cat there? It gave me such a scare

my body went and jumped and my heart got all fast

and I didn’t know how long that feeling was gonna last.

Please mum, stop it, stop it, stop it.

My feet are stuck mum I cannot move my legs

and it feels like an explosion going on inside my head.

Please mum, please, I can’t hear you through my tears

I need to block the sound that’s coming to my ears.

I do not understand i’m feeling all too much

and these things are moving fast they’re in such a rush.

Please mum, please, i’m pleading with my eyes

I cannot say the words for I cannot stop the cries.

Shhhh;

let’s calm that beating heart,

mummies here let’s make a start.

I’ll pull your hood above your head

and hold you tight upon that step.

I’ll whisper to you now so listen if you please,

i’m gonna need you baby to bend those lovely knees.

Come now my sweety listen to my beat

let’s get you over there sat upon a seat.

I’ll hold you as you cry i’ll knead away the pain,

I’ll take away the noise and sing a song to you.

We’ll slow the constant beat and make you feel all blue.

Shh now baby mummies got you.

We’ll walk in the rain and feel the cooling air

i’ll hold tight your hand so you know that I am there.

You cannot hear me yet but you see me with your eyes

I do not hear your words but I hear the pain in your cries.

The noise is coming down and the heat is feeling cool

a little more time baby and you’ll be right back under rule!

Wet, cool mist of life.

Standing alone on a sandy shore,
Cold water lapping at my toes,
Sinking, slowly,
Rough grains tickling,
Sun beating me down,
Cool, damp mist
Sweeping in,
Licking my skin,
Engulfing me,
And yet some how,
It frees me.
Thick, wet cloud hovering around me,
A barrier
Between me and the world.

Mr Sandman, hear my plea.

Dear Mr Sandman,
Bringer of my dreams.
what happens next
If i accept?
Will you give me back
my dreams of nothing,
Of a still and untouched
World, of books and trees
And a glowing moon,
besides a shining sun?
You’ve plagued my
Sleepy thoughts
With another world,
Shown me things
i do not see,
Whispered that
One day i will be free.
If i accept, if i see,
Mr Sandman,
Will you leave me be?