How’s you?

I wanted to say broken

but you wouldn’t understand.

I wanted to say lonely

no ones there to hold my hand.

I wanted to say so much

but, there are so few I trust.

So I did the best I could

and simply said,

‘Hey, i’m good’.

Karen Hayward ©2013 – Edited 2020 Image and words

Rain drops washing away our cares

We laughed from deep within our souls,
Rain falling soaking our clothes,
Splashing in puddles a raucous of sound
and right there in that moment,
we were finally found.
Big dollops of water dripping off noses,
flooding the drains and drowning the roses.
Rivers of water racing down hill
Just watching its power offers a thrill.
Exchanging lame jokes about getting us wet,
and the car that whizzed past us… Yeah we lost that bet!
Soaked to our skin, we look like drowned rats,
No coats, no jumpers and no rain hats,
Just us, our souls and our soaking wet clothes
and a moment in time, when our energy flows.

Karen Hayward ©2018

Image found via WordPress library

Old man up my road
owns a white
Siberian husky.
He pounds along
the path chasing
cats, pulling old man
here, there
His bark is fierce
splits atoms
demands attention.

Old man up the road
pauses at our gate,
for Husky blue eyes
searches for his
Princess blue eyes and
he finds her.

Husky stands tall
with his front paws
perched atop the
Black iron gate.
Head bowed.
He does not bark,
jump, skip or
dance with
He patiently waits.

Small girl squeals
with delight
‘our friend, mummy’
she looks to me
for permission.

Permission granted.

Small girl walks steadily
to the gate leaving
behind her fears
and anxiety.
Husky holds his position.
Pausing a foot away
she reaches out small
tender fingers…

Husky smells, a small
dance in his back paws
as her fingers delve
deep into his fur
they rub heads for
a split second
then husky is calm
blue eyes searching
blue eyes, she smiles.

Old man tells me
he ain’t never seen husky
like this with no one…
She must be special he says.

Old man knows.
Husky knows.
I know.

One day she too will know.

Karen Hayward ©2018

Image found on pinterest

A moments reprieve as you sleep.


At dawns awakening
the world screeched
upon the etched carvings
of a spiteful tongue,
hates essence
suffocating my light.
Drowning in yester-
years ocean of
delinquent blood.
The hours owned
by the devil, wiped
clean by the angels
beating wings.
The merry go round
of existence. Dawn
becomes day, day
becomes noon,
noon leaves too soon.
After drowning in
evening’s promise,
night begs for

Tired eyes and stinging
mind, I walk the halls
to you, no calls for mum,
no echo of media.
I pause about your feet,
and take in life’s splendour.
A gift . . . the soft hum
of sleep already arrived,
the whisper of a moment’s
promise. I pause now with
freedoms time upon my hands,
and stare into the heart
of twilight skies. your
gentle sleep, a melody so

Karen Hayward (c) 2017
Image and words

Modern Bedtime Story…



Do not judge without pause…

Our twilight hours are illuminated by blue screens

and chuckles of delight,

for you see…

my body does not know day nor night.

Atypical regulation is absent

my mind does not close at the dimming of light.

So I ask of you please,

stop and look…at our daily fight.

A pillow for one with two joyous heads

because I don’t like going to bed.

When I close my eyes what happens then?

And are certain our dreams are just pretend?

There’s no song my Mum can happily hum

that doesn’t hurt my ears,

No classic tale she can tell

that will settle down my tears.

I need her here, but, she must not touch,

Oh, I love my Mummy so very much!

Beneath the covers I feel her warmth

she does not move…for that can cause a storm!

I watch a vid and another too

but none of them are ever new!

That would be too scary




too SCARY.

I like to know exactly what comes after

this ensures the echos of my laughter.

It calms the beating of my heart

my tablet, you see, plays an integral part.

I went to bed at seven and now the clock says twelve,

My Mum, she is reading, facts in which she’ll delve.

I know that she is tired I see it in her eyes

and all throughout the night she dreams of starless skies.

I know when time has come, she tells me one, two, three

then pulls the covers up and we cuddle…but just our feet.

And now i’m feeling safe and now I’m feeling tired

and contrary to belief I do not wake feeling wired!

My Mum, she does not hum a song or tell me of a tale

instead, she falls asleep each night, with the world

telling her she failed.

Karen Hayward ©2017

Image used via photoprompt (Maricris Cabrera)



Bullet point your whole day! 30 day writing challenge.

Okay, i’m already well into my day so I will have to catch the morning bit up first :).

  • 2:23 am wake up. Go toilet and wander around.
  • 4:44 am wake up, I try to roll over and go back to sleep again. I can’t. Daughter is in  the bed with me, she takes up the entire space. I am sleeping along the edge. Kitster (The cat) is asleep on my stomach. I have no cover and my body is hurting.
  • I go into the kitchen and grab pain killers and wash them down with a glass of water. I am awake. Completely awake. I plug the kettle back in and switch it on to boil. I contemplate sweet sugary tea of coffee. I choose tea.
  • I feed the cats.
  • I pop for a wee.
  • Make my tea and sit down.
  • The flat is quite. I like it.
  • I just sit thinking for a few minutes, letting the sweetness of tea hit my taste buds.
  • Write a poem (4:49 am), Literally only 5 minutes have passed. I feel deflated that it’s another day that I have started so early, knowing that there is no chance of me getting a rest or sleep at any point. The day will be extremely long.
  • I respond to other people’s comments and read through other poetry. I like this.
  • 4:59 am I post a sunrise picture into the picture challenge focus forum on g+ I’ve been meaning to post that for a couple of days. I’m aware I am disorganised and need to try harder to stay on top of everything.
  • 5:08 am I post another into the same group, this time a sunset, from last night as I walked into town with my daughter. I spend a moment thinking about how lucky I am to be able to get such a great pic from my front door.
  • I switch the kettle back on and decide that coffee is a good idea. I change my mind and see if there is space in the bed for me (hubby is working over time again this weekend, so its just me and my gal, which is why she is in the bed) There is, barely. I climb back in.
  • 5:45 am I wake again. I’ve been dreaming. Vivid dream of standing on a shore. The beach is local although clearly an image dragged from memory as it has now changed. I am standing there at the edge of the water. It’s calm, so surprisingly calm, barely no movement and i’m not even sure there is sound either. It’s misty and the weather has a soft warmth to that, under my coat hat and scarf. There are men (young) they run past giggling fully clothed and seemingly run into the sea to surf…they have no surf boards, they use there bodies. On the beach a collection of old treasures is building up and there are some men seemingly working at collecting these things. I ignore them at first and they ignore me, although I can hear them discussing me. My daughter is also with me at the beach. She is content playing. I look down at the sand I see shells. They get bigger the more I look until finally I am excited to have found the shell I have always been looking for. The shell is big, so big and I cannot believe my eyes. Then I woke up!! I get up again.
  • I decide I will have that coffee. so switch the kettle on to boil again.
  • 6:12 am Whilst I wait I look at g+ notifications, I come across and share this post about the personality of a Scorpio. I like the words and choose to share.
  • 6:28 am Hubby get’s in from work. I take a deep breath as I hear the door closing, knowing there is nothing gentle about the slamming action and hoping my daughter sleeps through it, I want a few minutes longer before my day officially starts.
  • Hubby tells me about his night at work, whilst I sip on coffee.
  • 6:45 am I can hear the rustling of covers and pounding of feet. She heads straight toward my voice and finds me in the kitchen. ‘Mummy i’m going to miss you too much, please don’t go.’ I hug her. Whilst walking into town in the dark last night she lost a dolly hand (Monster High!!) I promised her at first light I would walk back and see if I can find it. Right now she isn’t able to accept the idea of me leaving the house without her. I tell her it’s her choice and she doesn’t need to decide yet as it’s still dark outside anyway.
  • She asks me to walk her to toilet and stay.
  • We chat!! lol
  • I make her breakfast and a drink and she sits at the table.
  • I respond to comments and people on g+ Check facebook and check twitter.
  • I start two poems, and close both not liking either.
  • 7:00 am it starts. How long till besty gets here?
  • We look at time and talk about how to fill it.
  • She decides she doesn’t want the doll hand. She doesn’t want me to leave the house without her.
  • I cut her an apple and grapes.
  • I look out of the window and can see that the sky looks like she is on fire as the morning sun creeps up. It is beautiful. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I grab my coat and pop outside to take a few pictures. Whilst out there my cat Emmet comes to me for cuddles and kisses. I take a couple more pictures from up stairs as the sun turns the sky red.
  • 7:30 am. We run over to the shop for a paper, we’re in our pjs :).
  • I ask hubby to hoover for me.
  • I collect any washing up.
  • I go into my daughters bedroom and collect dirty washing and clear the floor, strip her bed, re-make her bed and clear away any toys on the floor (her besty is blind, so floor needs to be clear and accessible)
  • Grab another coffee!
  • 7:59 am listen to this
  • 8:04 am. I ring my Dad :). I ring my Dad early every single Saturday. We chat for an hour. Daughter also speaks to me for the entire hour, so I spend the entire phone call trying to hear two conversations whilst walking from room to room.
  • 9:05 am I wee!!!
  • I sweep the stairs, clean the handrail and tidy the shoes to ensure stairs are clear.
  • I stop and put the radio on so I can dance along.
  • I put on a wash load.
  • Chat to my daughter for a while. We giggle and laugh, this makes me feel good.
  • She starts again on the how long, she cries, we talk, I reassure.
  • I go around opening windows to blow away the cobwebs.
  • 9:45 am. How long mum, how long, we discuss what her besty might be doing too.
  • I wee then put the kettle on again, I’m feeling tired and achey.
  • I try a little writing again, but still it wont come.
  • I spend a few minutes just thinking.
  • 10:00 am. The knock i’ve been waiting for. I get half way down the stairs to the door before my daughter screams she wants to open it. I come back up and help her so that she can answer it.
  • I help the besty to put away her coat and shoes and I sit and chat for a moment asking how she is doing.
  • The girls are sent to her bedroom to play, I am sent to make drinks, I realise we have no juice, we’re a mainly water household. I grab Orange and mango fresh stuff from the fridge and hunt for a bottle to put them into. I take it too them.
  • Walking back I grab a little more dirty washing and look into the living room and see hubby is asleep on the couch, the entire couch, I remind myself I need a big tub so i can sort the clutter out.
  • I have to pee. I also have to remind myself to lock the door.
  • I put this song on to youtube, i’m feeling wishful.
  • I clear the kitchen counter and put the washing up together.
  • I lean on the washing machine and hear the beeps that tell me I pressed a button, I randomly press them again hoping i’m getting it right, i’m probably not.
  • I’m called by my daughter too look for a toy kitten.
  • called again to look for her teddy whiner.
  • Again I am called to look for the kitten.
  • I find a kitten and give it to her, now she has lost the other one. I’m asked to look for that.
  • The girls want food, apples, cheese grapes and black currants, I have no black currants, they moan.
  • I make the girls food and clear the sides.
  • I realise my last coffee is cold and still full, so I tip it out and boil the kettle again.
  • I don’t get back to the kettle for  20 mins. I boil it again.
  • I read a few pages of Keats as I wait for the kettle to boil then grab some other books and put them away with the others.
  • I make coffee si it burn my lip and put it down on the heater, at least on the heater I have more chance of catching it still warm.
  • Wash load has finished. I think about where to put it to dry, it’s too rainy looking outside.
  • I decide to write again. I decide not too. I listen to the radio.
  • The girls want pizza, i have no pizza, they ask me five times.
  • They sulk!
  • They come back and ask if I can make a pizza. I tell them I will look if I have the ingrediants.
  • I go wee, again.
  • lol oh dear god it’s still only early!!
  • I’ve no longer got any idea of the time.
  • I start sweeping the kitchen floor, I have to stop about ten times to answer daughter calls.
  • Hubby pops his head in he is going to bed now.


That only brings us up to twelve O’clock!!! Dear God, how the hell am I meant to do this for the entire day!! Ok will do a seperate post for the next lot!

A mothers voice in chaos.

♥ For Emily-Rose, always I will be your voice.


Dear Teacher,

They tell me to empower you to show you the way

to tell you the things that you really should say.

They tell me to stay calm and use positive words

but surely you know the definition of these terms.

Individuals you say you treat them the same

a contradiction of words your excuses are lame.

But you know best, you learned from a book

and just a few years is all it took.

You’ve seen it before you’ll see it again

these kids to you are simply a pain.

They need this, they need that

and fidget constantly where they are sat.

They’re calm, they’re a whirlwind, a tornado of sorts

and no one really knows what’s in those thoughts.

So hard to reach

so hard to teach,

so listen now to a mothers speech.

Listen to me and you’ll hear her voice

anxiety is not her choice.

She doesn’t choose to with hold

or do exactly what she’s told.

She isn’t all smiles and happy and love

why can’t you see she finds school tough?

Open your eye’s and watch how she flies,

can’t you see how much she tries?

she mimics the world but the clues are there

please, just show her that you actually care.

Do as you tell and look as you see

be the person you want her to be.

Don’t tell her you will, you can and it’s done

her fears are real not a bit of fun.

I know she’s a mouse in a black hole of silence

but the anxiety she feels is an internal violence.

Stop looking past, over and through

show her that she can trust you.

Each day I stand back and watch her walk

knowing she’s spending another day unable to talk.

You’ll utter across her avoiding her eyes,

‘why didn’t tell me? Why?’

Your tone has gone up, your body has moved

gone is the voice all tender and smooth.

She did wrong, she did wrong and doesn’t know why

her tears are swelling she just wants to cry.

But you hold that stare, the one filled with fear

waiting for the answer to suddenly appear.

The answer to what? The why’s and the hows

forgotten by the now’s?

Why am I telling you this

you trained for years to become their Miss.

Why every few months are we here once again

whatever I tell you, it ain’t gonna change.

So I take a deep breath and think of glitter

trying to push back the emotional bitter.

I smile and talk and go through the list

hoping to God there’s nothing I’ve missed.

You’ll nod and agree and say you can see

this is reality, the way it will always be.


Karen Hayward ©2015


Diamonds falling from the sky.

The one time of year when glitter falls from the skies.

I huddle by the fire that burns so very high.

My fingers are cold and my sight filled with gold

and everyone’s here the young and the old.

A penny for the guy that burns up in flames

and I whisper goodbye to the one that I named.

Orange flickers, sizzling sparklers and flying ash

the wood begins to cackle and suddenly crash.

It’s dark and i’m scared and feel all alone

and I wonder if it’s time for us to go home.

I reach for his hand, look for his coat

a sob is caught there in the back of my throat.

The crowd is so big and I am so small

I slip on the mud and i’m scared I will fall.

A hand reaches out and touches my arm

and suddenly I feel an overwhelming calm.

I’m up on his shoulders having a rest,

‘So we don’t lose you again.’ he says in jest.

I look to the dark as silent diamonds fly

such beauty, I simply cry.