Liebster award. :)

Soooo, big thank you’s to the amazing  Just a Girl Lost 2 for nominating me for this wonderful liebster award. Thank you, it’s a truly beautiful honor to be nominated by an amazing writer as yourself ♥ ☺

Monique, over at Just a Girl Lost 2 has set these super eleven questions.

1. What do you love/hate most about writing?

I love…

  • the inspiration process, you know, you’re sitting there making a cuppa and all of a sudden words are swarming around in your mind and the excitement is fluttering away and you know in that split second that the world has to stop so you can write. It’s an amazing feeling for me, a story in rhyme will play out on replay, the emotions flooding me until I hear the scraping of lead on paper or my fingers tapping away at the keyboard or screen.
  • I also love the confidence writing has given me. I’m sure as writers we can all relate to that time when we would question every word we placed on the page, well I never did that, I was never brave enough to even place the words on the page until a few years ago and by this point I had a better understanding, I could see that for every poem I write, one person might love it, one person might hate it and this is just simply okay. I don’t write to please anyone. But what i’ve learned along the way is that all those things that I thought were too crap to be good…actually they are good, in their own rights, not compared to another persons, just alone, created by me. 🙂

2. What is your biggest phobia?

My biggest phobia, hmmm …roller coasters/ rides that go upside down, easily. I mean I’m not a fan of spiders but I can cope, I don’t like bee’s again I cope, I hate thunder and the dark, but I pull up  my big girl pants when I have too….never, ever again will I go on a ride that goes upside down. I’ve tried twice, first time I was a kid, second time an adult. As an adult I truly panicked i’ve never panicked like that before. I went on this tiny little ride thing that went upside down and then just kinda dangled you there for an eternity whilst rocking you back and forth. I swear the bar that came down was disintegrating, my body was slipping from under it, gravitiy was sucking me down head first, my screams were actually deafening me, but no where nearly as much as my own heartbeat. What was worse about this was that , there were three of us on the ride, me, my fella at the time and some random kid…yeah whilst i’m screaming like a fucker this little boy is just sitting back loving it. Fucking stupid rides. I feel pretty sure that this was the day where it all started to go wrong between me and the fella,  I was never able to forgive him for not breaking free of the metal pull down bar and jumping out to stop the ride with his own fucking teeth!!

3. Are you superstitious? If yes, give example(s)

Yes but only when I wanna be. I actually have a very logical mind and it constantly is searching for ‘reasons’ behind things, for example it’s easy to see why walking under a ladder is considered bad luck and any superstitions I find interesting I go and research because it fascinates me the way our minds work. However, having researched this a gazillion times I should be saying no, superstitions are not real…..bollocks lol This is one of the funnier ones I have read ‘A swarm of bees settling on a roof is an omen that the house will burn down.’ ….well hell yeah, obviously, cos if a swarm of bee’s be settling on my roof then i’m gonna take a blow torch to them!!!  🙂 (If you are reading this and you’re a bee lover, please know I am joking, everyone knows Bee’s only attack when attacked, I ain’t stupid enough to attack a Bee, trust me!) The truth is I have loads of little superstitions, you know my wonder woman knickers when I need an extra dose of courage, feathers mean angelic messages…symbols actually mean alot to me, pink sky at night and all that…there are lots more but they are the essence of me and if I told you them all I would have to destroy you afterwards…but my biggest superstition is ‘goodbye.’ goodbye means forever…I never say, at least never on purpose, i might say bye or laters or just avoid it altogether, I never say goodbye, because it means forever.

4. Would you read someone’s diary without telling them?

Hell yeah!! I would read, i’m sorry. However i am great with secrets and I would never ever use what I had read in a negative way…but yeah I would grab a coffee, biscuit and a blankie and settle in for a lovely long read 🙂

5. What is your guiltiest pleasure?

oh my god…chocolate…walking dead…criminals mind…Spencer Reed, God that character makes me weak at the knees. NCIS…..blankie times, naps…I have more but they might make you blush :)!

6. Have you ever been in a talent show?

Noooo lol you have to have talent for talent shows :). Does karaoke count? Does a talent show in the living room with my brothers and sisters count? Hmmm i should stick with no.

7. Ever have an imaginary friend?

Yep. When I was a toddler I pulled around a apiece of string, at the end of the string was an invisible dog called spot. He went everywhere with me lol !! My aunt has a picture of me in the garden with my piece of string :)…sigh, I miss my piece of string, I lost him on a bus, me and my Dad searched everywhere we even went to lost property, but he was lost forever :(….my Dad is bloody amazing lol

8. Push elevator buttons more than once?

Ummm maybe.

9. What’s your most hated smell?

Raw meat, you know butcher shops…raw turkey omg it makes me gag…vomit…this will make me vomit everytime, blood,

10. If you could meet one person, living or dead, who would it be?

My Grandad. I was a baby when we died and everyone else has memories of him except me. I want to meet him, I want memories of him, I want to feel his hands, see his smile hear his wise words.

11. Team player or Lone ranger?

Totally a team player…so long as i’m in charge of the team 🙂 nah I can do either within reason, I can work in a team but if I am working with a dickhead I will happily up and walk away and work on my own.

Huge thanks once again to Just a Girl Lost 2….seriously guys and gals give her a little looksy her writing is amazing.

Usually I like to set these little babies free to disperse into the world and I m doing exactly that, please, I nominate you all take this award with pride. I’m also going to hold onto it for a while though, so that when I come across a blog and I think wow I love this, I can just slap bang a liebster on them, just like that.

Fear.

I truly fear only two things:
The dark.
Thunder storms.
Both of these are capable of of bringing me to my knees and trampling on my soul as my spirit disintegrates into atoms. Atoms that cause the charge that cause the sky to illuminate with a red and blue hue. Atoms that crash together hurtling a growling rumble across the rain filled sky. As a child I watched my gran and mother darting room to room switching off lights, TVs anything electrical. This was to stop the lightening from choosing our house to strike.  We were plunged into darkness as flashes scarred my mind. Between the brief moments of light I stared into the pits of blackness  where shadows sit in wait, where every nightmare that has ever been dreamed, begins. There in the shadows, between the wardrobes, behind the doors, behind curtains. Across the floor, beneath the bed, creeping along the landing it’s icy cold fingers grasping the door handle …..

We have a thunderstorm….:-(

Karen Hayward ©2016

A battle of anxious proportions.

Dear Mr anxiety,
You ain’t ever gonna get me.
I know you wait and stare,
You think it’s only fair.
You make my body ache,
you make my limbs shake,
my heart beat faster,
But, dear Mr anxiety, you ain’t my master.
Did you see me on the swing last week?
Laying back in that big round seat?
You wanted out to play,
but my Mummy whispered,
‘it’s all okay’,
her voice was like a light,
as you battled for the fight.
Did you see me on those stairs?
it was my biggest dare,
just you and me.
my mummy said,
Eyes up, look ahead.
But you whispered in my ear,
My body shook with fear,
you said, i cannot do it,
the stairs will break,
i will trip or miss,
Mummy just gave me a gentle kiss then whispered ‘baby you have this.’
Dear Mr Anxiety, I know your wings are big, they help you spread your fear,
but my mummy always knows when you are near.
Her wings are only small,
But they catch my every fall,  they light my every dark
And calm my beating heart.
So come watch me as I play,
Block my path,
I’ll find a different way,
Freeze my body still
blood pumping like a drill,
Make my body shake
And my muscles ache.
Your strength is mighty,
This is true,
But my mummy is
Mightier than
you.