I am officially the proud owner of a degree with hons…free writing. :-)

So, I have something to share. I’ve kinda kept this under wraps for a few days because, well, i think i needed time to process it. On Thursday I got my final module result for my studies with The Open University, i am now the proud owner of an open degree (English Lit and Lang) with Hons. :-).
When I got my result I was hit by a surprising amount of emotions, and have spent a few days trying to figure them out.
I’ve spent six years rewriting in my head what I would say to all of those people that didn’t believe I could do it. Six years worth of day dreaming, mumbling to myself…and now,  i don’t actually have a single word I want to say to them. I simply don’t give a flying fuck! I think this annoyed, just a little, now was my time to prove i was better than them….so why the hell didn’t i want to rub their noses in it…oh that’s right, because i am better than them.  
I realised on Thursday that the journey had always been mine, I needed to prove to myself that I was better then the handful of GCSE’s I left school with, I needed to prove to myself that I was capable of greater things.
Six years is a long time, at the beginning it felt like an entire lifetime with no shoreline and no horizon. I squeezed in studying the same way other Open University students did, with sheer determination. I avoided extensions like the plague and just pushed forward. I tore my back muscles more times than i’d like to remember from a combination of doing too much, heavy books and long periods sat in front of a blank computer screen. But I always did it for me, it was my journey.
I made new friends, people I hope will still be there in ten, twenty, thirty years. People that understood, people with open minds, people that I never felt a need to prove myself too, for they were on their own journey too.
So yeah, that step of my journey is done, i did it, i showed myself,and myself alone that I was capable….If you can dream it, you can be it.

Blood related rant!

Blood tests, you either love them or hate them, right? nah, didn’t think so, you see people make these assumptions that if you fall into the hate group it’s gotta be because you’re needle phobic, and out come all the little, perfectly kind (but wasted on me) lines about how it’ll only be a little prick…No, no seriously just no. You ever seen a grown girl cry? scream? Ha ha reckon i’ve even sobbed on ocassion. It is not just a little prick, it is a stab, a forceful stab that cuts deeper than any other pain i have ever known. But it only hurts for a second….that’s another favourite line, again no. As a girl, i’ve endured a handful of blood tests over my time and i’ve learned a few things, never, ever let an inexperienced nurse or doctor anywhere near my veins. They simply have no idea…arm strapped, they look, turn my arm, look some more, suck in some air, tap, tap somemore, relax your arm, tense your arm and finally without even a single idea of where abouts that lovely elusive purple line of mine is they stab, hard. Rarely do they get the vein, so they try again, and again, then we get to swap arms, needles too sometimes, nothing like a butterfly needle to make you feel like a grown up! And then the killer line, that makes me want to shout and scream, oh you don’t like needles? Why don’t they ever see that my issue isn’t with the needle, christ i sit and watch, i watch as they prepare the needle i watch as they pierce my skin, and when they finally get the vein i watch as my delicious crimson red blood fills the tube…ok so i actually feel a little sad when my blood goes into the tube, that is me, my blood after all :-). 
Oh and the stinging, no one mentions the stinging as they suck away your blood, a deep burning sting. So yeah i geuss i’m in the hate group, jus not for the reasons every one thinks, i’ll give myself a week, maybe two too mentally prepare for the torture that is needle pain, and who knows perhaps in that very small amount of time, someone, somewhere will discover a pain free way of extracting blood.