Breathe and repeat.

 

I’ve counted to ten a thousand times since

waking to the gloom of another day filled

with yesterdays problems. The air is sucked

from my lungs, the deep niggling desire is

rising. Frustration sits in my throat, heart

beating, beating, beating. My muscles have

transformed into rock and I wonder if I

smash them open will I find crystals

gleaming back at me or just stone and more stone.

Fuck and fuck again i’ll continue to mumble this

beneath my breath as the suns rays burn into me as

I stare blankly into a solid blue sky whilst the world

continues to crumble around me. Dead rose petals

blackening at the edges reflect the mood inside my

heart. The fragrance lost, the depth highlighted,

life draining from them. Transparent the veins

an array of purple lines scribbled across the petal.

Defeat weighing heavy on my shoulders and I

despise that I have shoulders capable of carrying

these burdens. I despise what you have made me,

despise what I have become. Despise the multitude

of faces you force me to wear as you sit back watching.

Watching as I hold together the strings.

My fingers are bleeding, they’re ripping through

the palms of my hands, frustration clawing at my

throat.

Ten,

Nine,

Eight,

Seven,

Six,

Five,

Four,

Three

Two,

One….. breathe and repeat!!

 

And breath :)

Shake of the atrocities of a fucked off mind

these are never the thoughts I seek to find.

All eye’s peering and thinking and blinking

and all I wanna do is a little bit of winking.

Please..show me yours and i’ll show you mine

oh I know, I should wait till i’m drunk on wine!

I’m sorry, I forget the way to talk

and cannot find my thoughts.

If expressive language were a form of communication

then fuck me baby, would cause you elation.

Everything’s changed but the one at the start

and oh god do I know that you are so far.

Thoughts and ideas…take my hand

and show me that I can.

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.

and suck

suck

suck.

 

Karen Hayward ©2015