Even when…


Even in the battlegrounds of the devil’s soldiers,
beneath the iron shackles of your indiscretions
and purpose led assistance.
Even when hope is lost and the sun fails to rise
and darkness holds me hostage.
Especially on the days you think I’m broke,
with grey eyes that refuse to look up
as my voice is just a whisper on the breeze
and you’re not even sure if I spoke.
And even as I question my future abilities to love and be loved,
when I reflect on the damage,
and I question my sanity.
And even when you glance at me with eyes that cannot see.
Even when my shoulders can no longer take the weight
and my heart has nothing left to break.
Even then,
when reality ties a noose around my neck
and binds me to the dirt…
no matter much the hurt.

I don’t know how to
not get back up again. I don’t know how to stay down, or how to spend the day with a frown. I don’t know how to not defend myself…or protect myself. I don’t know how to whisper when I need to shout. I don’t know how to not love myself or how to not see beauty in my soul, I don’t know how to be like you and let the world crush my spirit and leave me empty. I don’t know how to not get back up.

Karen Hayward ©2016

World domination in a tiara and sparkly crown.

Your biggest mistake,
And there have been many,
was to under estimate me,
My strength when I am down,
My ability to rise through the darkest mist,
My desire to survive,
My desire to be happy,
To feel happy
To live happy.
Your biggest mistake,
Was that you never saw me.
Now my wings out spread,
Ready to fly,
The materialistic creatures
mean nothing to me,
I’ve left those dreams behind,
I’m ready,
to make

Chaotically dancing through the morning sun.

It feels like a million
Thoughts are swimming
In my mind,
Each one searching,
And happy with the find.
Awake and aware,
Ready to share,
So full of care.
deliriously drunk on
Silent freedom.
My beating heart is calm,
My frantic mind is
Chaotically dancing
Through the morning sun.