A phantom

celstialtears

Sometimes I ponder
what you are.
A mirage perhaps,
my body starved
from thirst, a mere
hallucination
of the mind.
A phantom, maybe.
My souls need for hope
a self made vision
in a world of dark
shadows kissed
by the crescent
moon.
Or perhaps you’re a
dream, a universal
symbol coated in
star dust, your essence
a mellifluous whisper
from my slumber.
But what are you?
Reality? No.
How can reality
feel this way. My
reality. How can my
reality feel this way,
A fantasy then?
You must be.
A fantasy of love.
Of acceptance.
We were never
meant to be.
Or perhaps,
we are the definition
of serendipity.

Karen Hayward (c) 2017
Image found on pinterest

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Today I shall call you petal,
the delicate bloom of beauty
I will tell you, your eyes are
radiant, oceans of love, you
will giggle and say, we have
the same eyes mum and I
will smile. I will not tell you
that the depth in mine is
a lifetimes scars and yours,
your depth of blue is the
skies, innocent and pure.
Today I will call you petal,
my gentle blue blossom
peeling away layers your
heart atomized into
a fragrant love that
disperaes upon the suns
rays. Today I will call you
my petal, my love, my
favourite flower whispering.
into each day with silken
pleats of beauty. Yes,
today my darling gal,
I will call you my petal.

Karen Hayward (c) 2017
Image and words

Iron key.

I used to spend hours wishing you would remove the cast iron shackles

under the black clouds of doubt that spiraled through me.

I could see them visibly holding me down. Linked through

my dusty wings tearing if I dared to move. I could feel the iron

key that locked the door to my mind, it hung there teasingly

day after night after year.  I walked on tip toe to avoid the

black shadow of death and one day I looked and saw,

I had nothing left.

You had taken my belief. You had taken my soul

and all that was left was a gaping black hole.

I used to wish you would take away this cage

that you solemnly refuse to accept that you made.

I used to wish so many things and now I wish no more.

For the darkness has lifted of that I am so sure.

Those iron bars were not so tough to break to create a space

big enough for only me to see the sky and stars without a trace.

And the tears in my wings will surely heal as I spread them far

and I know that in my life I played that part

and those iron keys that once hung there

they’re gone now without a care.

I used to wish you would remove the iron shackles that held me

now I see, I found the answers that I needed and they were always inside of me.

Karen Hayward (copyright) 2015.

Red Sky in the Morning.

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Red sky in the morning is a shepherds warning but all I see is beauty.

As pink skims across the clouds kissing the world all I see is beauty.

As pink turns to orange and orange turns to yellow, all I see is beauty.

The rose quartz of the universe, all I see is beauty.

All i never wanted.

I never wanted children.
I wanted late nights and plenty of sleep.
I wanted to work.
I wanted to eat,
I was selfish, I see.
But not entirely.
I just wanted to be.
I wanted more,
Wisdom at my door,
So I lived and loved,
Till I knew the score.
I had a dream,
I have a dream,
I wanted to look after the mean,
the broken the unwanted, awoken.
I wanted to love
The rough
And the tough.
If only for a moment,
to show them
They are enough.
I wanted to foster,
Not bear my own,
The broken seeds
That were sown,
the souls dealt
Life’s harsh hand,
I wanted to show them
they were more than
Grains of sand.
That slipped through
The fingers of
Unknown faces,
The cracks in the paper,
The educated carers
Without their own life
Bearers.