Measurement in Spiders

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Last week
you froze mid hall
screamed, cried
and shook, till
broom in hand,
you heard the book
slam hard against
the ground.

Last night, you
peered up, paused
and pointed to
the ceiling,
that’s the one
you killed last
week, right?

Right, I said,
praying to every
God I’ve ever
read about,
Do not let that
spider move,
not a leg, or arm
not a sneeze
or yawn….

Ok you said,
and went about
your business,
and for a moment,
brief as it was,
I felt my lungs
breathe.

Karen Hayward ©2018
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Power in silence.

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There is power in silence,

it echo’s through the soul

shattering the crevices of existence.

Weaving a cage of dysfunction,

unspoken words become haunting

thoughts lingering beneath rocks

of the mind bleeding into the

essence of being.

There is power in silence.

Karen Hayward ©2016

Learning new stuff.

So for those that know me well, they know I’ve always got something going on, well this weeks something is this. So firstly what is it, it’s cousera a great place to study at no cost, the courses are provided by many, many global universities, and shall I say it again, at no cost! You can of course pay to have a certificate sent out to you £32 for the UK, so depending if you want the certificate, me personally I just enjoy filling my head up :). The course I chose this time is Soul Beliefs: Causes and Consequences-unit 1: Historical foundations. Which in my opinion is absolutely perfect for where my thoughts are at the moment :). So anyway, yeah just thought I would be kind and share the link, in case anyone else fancies some free learning. 🙂 I think if I remember rightly they have a creative writing course too :).

Karen Ann bread and jam!

I remember a time when all I could cook was toast.
At the very most,
Toast and jam,
Which pleased my elders,
As they flew down memory lane,
Karen Ann bread and jam,
It’s all she ate then,
It’s all she eats now.
I remember a time when
It was you in the kitchen,
Bitching,
Cos it was never me,
I used to run and flee,
When the pans came out,
And dad did shout.
I remember calling you up,
To find out,
How to bake a potato,
Yep,
A potato,
Cos i didn’t know.
And how to make
Cup cakes.
At first, she, would make me
Rhubarb crumble to take home,
I certainly never moaned.
Dad fed me, at every opportunity,
Always ringing, to see
Whether i was free.
Then I realised I missed
real food,
I missed dads dinners,
I missed vegetables, bolognaise,
I missed bolognaise the most,
Dad made one, of which to boast.
So I set out to cook,
Didn’t use a book,
There was always the chip shop,
If it was a flop.

I remember a time,
I tell my daughter
As i take the fruit strudel
Out from the oven,
and turn the cheesy scones,
A quick stir of the thick tomato sauce speckled with basil ,
I remember a time, when Grandad let me be, so I could play, till the day that I was ready. I remember a day when I couldn’t cook,
not even with a book.

Memories.

When was the first time (outside of school) that you discovered you had a natural skill at something?

Mine was when I was twenty and working as a retail assistant in Watford, Herts. A huge post office where i spent all day working the till, filling displays and chatting to customers. Until the boss decided he wanted to branch out and open a little photo booth. There were five of us, and I prayed to every god they would choose anyone but me to be trained up. The idea of working on a big machine that whirled and twirled and was filled with chemicals filled me with dread, more than dread. It kept me awake at night. Did my manager sense my fear? Was it a scent that followed me around? Who knows but two weeks later i was sitting beside him in a training centre…shaking. Eight hours, that’s all they give you, just eight hours to become trained…it was lost on me. However back in the shop i was thrown in at the deep end, here have a booth, some chemicals and a black bag to change papers. I screwed up more than once, the machine screwed up constantly, as the sun disappeared from sight and everyone stopped to look i was elbow deep in chemicals…it was not good.
Across the road, directly, was a Snappy Snaps, now they knew how to produce photos, i didn’t. The boss man, would come over and pretend to buy a drink, i’d see him watching me, smirking as i cocked up, again, watching as irate customers shouted at me, as work colleagues hid in corners letting me take the fall. Then, one day, one of his girls just appeared, in front of me, handed me a form ‘Here fill this out.’ Was this a joke? ‘Nah’ she said, he’s been watching you, and we have a vacancy come up, he wants you…to this day i have no idea what he saw in me, but am thankful that he saw something.
He didn’t show me how to do things, he told me why we do them. The result was i learned,  no more mistakes. Whilst i learned to tame these machines, i made friends…more importantly, i discovered, i discovered i could see colours, i discovered chemicals weren’t so scary, i excelled…i excelled, i was head hunted as senior printer at another store, the entire lab was mine :-), i explored Photoshop,  i fixed the machines, i gave instructions…all because that one man, that one day, saw something in me, that i didn’t know was there. :-). I was head hunted further, back to my home town, trainee assistant manager…the store was almost mine.