Cidar chasers and bong in hand.

Do you remember? I was ninteen you were twenty one. UCAS letter in hand,
I had the world at my feet.
Dole check in your pocket,
you were already beat.

Lost souls we met in the dark,
Cidar chasers bong in hand
Sexual energy flowed between,
Whilst I called all the ones
You walked the miles
To meet me beneath the sun.

Escape for you was futile,
Your kin my kin,
Deprivation their everyday,
So when it came that I should leave,
together we packed for an adventure,
You see.

UCAS letter in the bin along side my forgotten dreams,
Mystery became secrets are darkness fell,
My body became flesh disconnected from spirit.
My beauty lost, I could see no light,
As you ripped apart my fragile belief,
and stole away my strength to fight.

I worked, you slept, I cleaned, you searched,
Eyes wide open identity broken,
you sat on that couch and he uttered the words,
and I never understood, but for the thrills,
Dysmorphic belief,
the soft tender eyes captured in stills.

But to wander and wonder and despair at the love,
the anger that reigned
the lies that fell true,
you begged and plead
and you told me a lie,
I asked that you be the thing that I need.

I see you sometimes, you came back to this place.
You live a life of pretance where i’m the mistake.
I wonder still if strength found you at all,
did you admit to yourself,
or did you let yourself fall?

Karen Hayward ©2016.

Apologise.

Apologise? You want for me

to go down on bent knee

and apologise for what I believe?

You think that my ‘soft bleeding

heart.’ is the problem to this crisis

helping others increases economic prices?

Let me know how it looks up there

on your high fucking horse chair.

Go get your papers and feed your fucking mind

but careful, don’t ever question what you find.

Here, sheepy sheepy, come follow me

i’ll show you only, what I want you to see.

But of course it’s truth I have photo’s as well

and a clever little caption that really sells.

Go stereotype yourself along with the other clones

sit in your houses and do nothing but moan.

My opinion doesn’t count and neither does yours

we don’t get to choose when we fight in these wars.

I know i’m a minority, and I stand mostly alone

but at least I don’t believe, i’m worthy of a throne.

Apologise? For what? That I  believe that hate

breeds hate. I’m not willing to sell my humanity at the gate.

I discredited your words and gave you some facts

sent a storm right in to the middle of your pack.

I questioned your photo’s and laughed at the meme’s

yet still you scream, really you can’t see!

I don’t want to see what it is you believe

when constantly you say look please and see

and I wonder who it is that your debating alongside

the name callers I think must all run and hide.

Apologise? Never. My belief is my humanity.

I gave it before, now, it lays crumpled on the blood stained floor.

A promise made in haste,

to avoid such waste.

Lies built on words,

and nameless numbers,

as the world around

is deep in slumber.

Chances have come,

chances have gone,

and again you do

the thing, that is wrong.

Forgiveness was given

this time is different.

You severed the cord

because you were bored?

I care no longer…

the last time made me stronger.

The battle is lost,

my love?

…the cost.

The fucked up tales of fairys.

Fuck the world in all its glory,
This ain’t no fairy tale story.
There’s no happy end,
Or love to send.
It’s a fantasy built upon bullshit words,
Sung in the tree tops by fucked up birds.
The light is for the weak,
The dark is what I seek,
Truth in the actions
Of the fucked up reactions.
This ain’t no fucking fairy tale,
Life isn’t pass or fail.
Show me a truth, i’ll show you a lie,
Everyone does it, no matter how hard they try.
A fantasy of words created in awe,
Like it’s some kinda fucked up law.

Homosapien reactions.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
I want this poem to have beat,
But can’t find a rhyme,
To match your crime.
I gave you my everything,
Now i’ll watch as you fucking sink.
Will she save you?
Probably not,
Lets hope she’s fucking hot.
What a sacrifice to make,
Now eat the fucking cake.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
You have no clue,
For what you’ve lost,
For what your roaming eye has cost.
I paid the price, day after day,
Now its your turn to pay.

Rusty words.

Do you know,
i don’t believe a single word
A person says,
I never have,
I’d rather guess,
Do they tell the truth,
or lies,
Are they stuck
With their head high
Up in the skies.
It’s a battle
Of my own,
Been there every
Day that I’ve grown,
I look for the holes,
And nobody knows.
It’s not that i do not trust,
I simply know that words,
can so easily,
Be covered in rust.