Winter warmth.

Warm winter sun falls across my skin

as blue skies reign above, soft white

clouds dancing a slow waltz. Moon

river melodies floating merrily

upon the morning breeze.

The days chill leaves and

the winter warmth fills my soul.

Karen Hayward ©2015.

List ten songs that you’re loving right now. 30 day writing challenge.

Okay guys this is day 7 of the writing challenges. You can find my original post here. This is an interesting question because my music tastes are dependent on my mood and the mood I want to be having! I can absolutely love a song and will listen to it on repeat for days, weeks even, and yet i’ll not like the artist or the album. For me it is all about that one song that is playing to me. It’s about the beat, the sound and mostly the lyrics. I like music that sings to my soul, I like music that dances through my soul.

Oh music, music music. Ten songs that i’m loving right now. I’m a very indecisive kinda person and I’m not always fully aware of myself, so, I decided I would ask hubby and my daughter what songs they felt I listen to a lot….”the same song, over and over, seriously it’s like you get up pick a song and whack repeat!”…ooops!!

Okay so this mornings ‘repeat’ song, this was also yesterdays repeat song, in fact this song gets whacked on repeat at the very least once a month. She’s always a woman to me. Fyfe Dangerfield.

 

and next in line is…the lazy song, because in life we all need that one song that say’s fuck you world today I swear I ain’t doing anything :).

 

Song number three is…oh dear God I gotta go check my youtube history!

Okay, I love this song, I absolutely love the cheesiness to it, I love the beat, I love the concept.

 

Okay song number four! It’s getting difficult now. It would seem everyone is right, I just listen to the same songs over and over and over again! On youtube I have a playlist that I use for when I’m writing, I created a couple of years ago when I was doing nanowrimo, so let’s have a quick look through that and see which songs I always go back to.

 

Song number six! I almost forgot this song, Iris, Goo Goo dolls. I love this song beyond words.  For me this is the ultimate love song and I love the video!

 

 

Song number seven, no reason, just simply loving the lyrics to this song.

 

Okay, actually this might be the best love song ever. This is such an intense love song. I love it, I love the words so much. Song number eight!

 

Song number nine!

 

and number ten! So hard to choose which Cyndi Lauper song though because I love them all, but this one, for some reason has always held a special spot for me.

 

I always find it a little odd to sit back and take a closer look at my music tastes as I don’t feel they reflect me, they do obviously they do, but I often find people are surprised by my tastes and mainly by my love of love songs. I actually love all things love related, especially love songs!

 

Karen Hayward (copyright 2015)

 

Songs of lazy past.

I woke up this morning with this song drumming away in my thoughts. It’s been festering there for a few days now, softly humming away in the background of my chaotic thoughts. I don’t listen to music no where near as often as I should. I’m too lazy. Too lazy to switch the TV on and find a music channel that is pleasing to my ears, too lazy to sort through my CD collection and hunt out the tunes that my soul wants to hear and too god damn lazy to switch on the radio. Even Youtube is unable to entice me into its simple notion of a world of music. In a world where technology is at our fingertips I find myself becoming lazier than ever. I’m patiently waiting for the technology of the future to become the present. I long to be able to sit and think about a song and it simply appears there playing in my ears, then it’s gone as my desires slip into a new thought, a new image, song, movie.  However it’s a laziness that does nothing for my creativity. As I sit here now listening to the songs that got me through my teenage years, the songs that held me as I cried tears of a broken heart and the tunes that carried me bravely into un chartered territory, I feel stronger than ever. I feel my mind creatively exploring a depth of emotions that have laid dormant for many years, and like the words on the pages that I escape into I can feel myself escaping into the words sung, the music played and the memories held that only I can know like a secret dance between only myself and the universe. It’s just like that, a secret memory between myself and the universe.

A place where I can escape to anytime I need to, anytime I want to and there in my mind as the songs of my past play out I relive those days, those nights, those stolen kisses, those moments that can never be taken away from me.

A little, tiny bit of freedom.

Utter freedom,
When the house is empty,
And i’m sitting drinking coffee,
Radio on high,
Watching the sky,
Toes tapping,
Ideas lapping.
The time goes so fast,
And i
Know
It
Cannot
Last.
So i’ll savour the seconds,
And multi task i reckon,
Wash all the dishes,
And dance with my wishes,
i’ll sing from my heart,
Whilst i play this part,
With the radio on high,
I’ll tip toe to the sky.

A freewriting, free mind.

Today, whilst laying in a glorious bath I decided to simply stop, and write, not a poem that I am scribbling down as I scrub the kitchen floor, or even a short story that has been developing in my mind for months. Nope. Today I just want to write about the things that are wandering around in my mind.
It’s not often that I get the time to just stop, and it’s a sacrifice of my time that I will need to pay back at some point throughout the day. But for now, I just want to watch as my words flow onto the page, I will deal with the sacrifice later. It always amazes me how little time I have, and I rarely stop to think about it. I am a housewife, an unpaid slave to domestic chores. My day starts around stupid o’clock, if I am lucky I get a few minutes to enjoy the peace or watch the sun rise above the trees in our garden before I become mum, although playing mum is my favourite role within this shell that I live in. I spend the rest of my day holding together the home, single handedly. Yesterday alone, I played a million roles, dry cleaner, chef, builder, painter, gardener,butler, maid, these are just some of them. Between making everyone else’s lives tick along with an edge of perfection, I sat and scribbled words onto paper, escaped into another world where I was alone.
I dreamt last night, sporadically and with fierce strength, of death, hatred and betrayal. All such horrible emotions that I would normally refuse to allow my mind to settle on. I woke, alone and aware of my weaknesses. Yet at the same time, I was so aware that even then when my mind was completely relaxed when my sub concious was screaming at me, I controlled it all. I’ve controlled my emotions and thoughts for as long as I can even remember, a defence mechanism that stops me from feeling. Anything, sometime’s. But other times it allows me to feel everything with out weakness, it allows me to see the entire picture clearly. I can see the loop holes, the faults and all the rusty words, I can make choices based on truth.Then I can accept them, accept it…the picture as it’s meant to be. But so much control takes energy. And perhaps it is because we can’t go two seconds in this house without singing ‘Let it go.’ or perhaps I am simply curious, but a small part of me wonders, what letting go truly feels like. A small bit, hidden at the very back of my mind, wonders if I will ever, look at the smaller picture, rather than the bigger. That’s not to say that I haven’t or don’t, because I do, I can separate everything. But what happens if one day my mind takes over, and I can no longer make the separations. Feelings may scare me, but it’s my stubborn ability to never run from them, and a promise I made myself many years ago, to never hide from them, and to tell them, to tell everyone how I feel, in complete honesty that scares me more.
When I discovered a couple of years ago, that I had a world of words inside my head that could en-capture a tiny piece of my soul each time I wrote them down, I felt relief, now as I write each word, each thought, I feel strength. Single strands of thoughts that spill across the page…it’s just another way to control what I feel, in control I find strength. But in reality it is just weakness, a weakness that mirrors the physical weakness that I feel. And I do feel so very physically weak and incapable. But, I am outside my bubble, no longer looking down, perhaps I will retreat, the flames are hot, hotter than I thought, and thorns sharp.
So as I write i’m listening to music, we all have those songs that we go back to don’t we? The ones that get us through the dark nights, that remind us to stay strong even when we cannot see the light. I’m listening to Greenday, Boulevard of broken dreams. I sometimes think I like walking alone, i’m so entirely stubborn that I refuse to accept help, I will stand alone, as I always do.
Anyway as always the clock doesn’t stop ticking and I must endeavour to make up for my sacrifice of time. Perhaps i’ll scribble some words as I load the washing machine, and clean the dishes and cups that I have not used.

Blossom666 x