Turbo rabbit.

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I’m too tired today to care about the ripped condom on the tarmac by the swing yet still I envision some spotty teenager going at it like a turbo rabbit blowing his load and tearing the magic rubber straight in half. I can’t see the other half and i wonder if his condom courtesy goes as far as throwing it into the Blue painted wire bin along side popsicle wrappers, pop bottles and empty cans of Stella.  I look at the metal chain dome swing, this brings a whole new meaning to swinging.  I think about what kind of people fuck in a park and suddenly wonder at what point I grew up as I realise I myself knew the kind of people that escaped into the park after dark to drink, to smoke, to get stoned, back in the day to slip LSD on the tip of our tongues and become lost in a haze of hallucinations and to get the much sought out privacy of an unlit playground. Still I look at the condom as it proudly stares back at me and I stare back, to tired to give a fuck.

Karen Hayward ©2016

A battle of anxious proportions.

Dear Mr anxiety,
You ain’t ever gonna get me.
I know you wait and stare,
You think it’s only fair.
You make my body ache,
you make my limbs shake,
my heart beat faster,
But, dear Mr anxiety, you ain’t my master.
Did you see me on the swing last week?
Laying back in that big round seat?
You wanted out to play,
but my Mummy whispered,
‘it’s all okay’,
her voice was like a light,
as you battled for the fight.
Did you see me on those stairs?
it was my biggest dare,
just you and me.
my mummy said,
Eyes up, look ahead.
But you whispered in my ear,
My body shook with fear,
you said, i cannot do it,
the stairs will break,
i will trip or miss,
Mummy just gave me a gentle kiss then whispered ‘baby you have this.’
Dear Mr Anxiety, I know your wings are big, they help you spread your fear,
but my mummy always knows when you are near.
Her wings are only small,
But they catch my every fall,  they light my every dark
And calm my beating heart.
So come watch me as I play,
Block my path,
I’ll find a different way,
Freeze my body still
blood pumping like a drill,
Make my body shake
And my muscles ache.
Your strength is mighty,
This is true,
But my mummy is
Mightier than
you.

Hold my hand, no one understands.

No one understands,
I cant always
Find my hands,
Or my feet, arms,
legs
Or knees,
I’d really like to climb trees,
Or even a wall,
But I always fall.
I wanna go down the slide,
With pride,
I want to climb to the very top,
To not have to stop.
I don’t want to freeze,
Or locked knees,
Or the rush of heat,
Or the buzzing bees.
This is not behaviour,
Please don’t bribe me,
Don’t you see,
You make me feel worse,
About me.
Hold my hand, calm my rapid heart, cool the breeze, wait whilst i freeze,
Please.
When i cannot believe,
Believe,
In me.