Even the Devil doesn’t want you!

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Breathe in.
Deep.
Deeper.
Take the mornings
fragrance
into your soul.
Own it.
Know it.
It is the scent
of shame.
Never
forget it.

God, God’s
Deities, cosmos,
Angels, Gaia,
Science, Atoms
Spirits, nothing.

Breathe in.
Deep.
Deeper.
Feel the moist air.
Celestial tears
for the fallen.
Own it.
Know it.
It is the tears
of shame,
never
forget it.

God. God’s.
Deities. Cosmos.
Angels. Gaia.
Science. Atoms.
Spirits. . .
Nothing.

Breathe in.
Deep.
Deeper.
Listen. Listen
to your inner guide.
Hear the universe
as she speaks.
Karma has a voice.
The angels speak
in whispers.
God talks through
pray.
The earth screams
through leaves.

Our fallen,
angel wings
leave a trail of
shadows to
heaven’s gate.

God. God’s.
Deities. Cosmos.
Angels. Gaia.
Science. Atoms.
Spirits. . .
Nothing. . .
Stand guard.
Delivering.
Returning evil.
Waiting at the
gates of hell.

There is no glory
In blood
stained hands,
even Satan,
refuses to open
his gates.

Karen Hayward (c) 2017

Image and words

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Today I shall call you petal,
the delicate bloom of beauty
I will tell you, your eyes are
radiant, oceans of love, you
will giggle and say, we have
the same eyes mum and I
will smile. I will not tell you
that the depth in mine is
a lifetimes scars and yours,
your depth of blue is the
skies, innocent and pure.
Today I will call you petal,
my gentle blue blossom
peeling away layers your
heart atomized into
a fragrant love that
disperaes upon the suns
rays. Today I will call you
my petal, my love, my
favourite flower whispering.
into each day with silken
pleats of beauty. Yes,
today my darling gal,
I will call you my petal.

Karen Hayward (c) 2017
Image and words

School echoes on the last of the summers breeze.

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My dearest child the days have come

and passed and summers end is upon us.

School lingers, the mornings darken

as I fold away your uniform

let me tell you of my thoughts…

You are the calm between the beats of my

heart, the pride that swells every time I see

your smiling face.

Do not forget this.

Do not ever forget this.

This world can appear topsy turvy,

 your soul is oh so sensitive but know this,

you are the product of me,

inside of you,

inside of me,

is a ferocious lioness,

let her be your strength.

And when the lights shine too bright

and the noise screams

too loud, and when everything

is too hard, remember this,

You are my proudest accomplishment,

my heart skips a beat at every breath you take,

butterflies swarm through me every time

you calm your raging heart

and let that whisper out into the universe.

You are all that you are meant to be.

You are perfect, you see.

Karen Hayward ©2016

 

I am officially the proud owner of a degree with hons…free writing. :-)

So, I have something to share. I’ve kinda kept this under wraps for a few days because, well, i think i needed time to process it. On Thursday I got my final module result for my studies with The Open University, i am now the proud owner of an open degree (English Lit and Lang) with Hons. :-).
When I got my result I was hit by a surprising amount of emotions, and have spent a few days trying to figure them out.
I’ve spent six years rewriting in my head what I would say to all of those people that didn’t believe I could do it. Six years worth of day dreaming, mumbling to myself…and now,  i don’t actually have a single word I want to say to them. I simply don’t give a flying fuck! I think this annoyed, just a little, now was my time to prove i was better than them….so why the hell didn’t i want to rub their noses in it…oh that’s right, because i am better than them.  
I realised on Thursday that the journey had always been mine, I needed to prove to myself that I was better then the handful of GCSE’s I left school with, I needed to prove to myself that I was capable of greater things.
Six years is a long time, at the beginning it felt like an entire lifetime with no shoreline and no horizon. I squeezed in studying the same way other Open University students did, with sheer determination. I avoided extensions like the plague and just pushed forward. I tore my back muscles more times than i’d like to remember from a combination of doing too much, heavy books and long periods sat in front of a blank computer screen. But I always did it for me, it was my journey.
I made new friends, people I hope will still be there in ten, twenty, thirty years. People that understood, people with open minds, people that I never felt a need to prove myself too, for they were on their own journey too.
So yeah, that step of my journey is done, i did it, i showed myself,and myself alone that I was capable….If you can dream it, you can be it.