From this angle, she see’s the universe,
the infinite promise of light in dark
and ponders if believing is perverse
Like the damned wishing on eternal stars.
likely soon he’ll skin the flesh from her soul
bleed her dry till she’s tender on the tongue
shelling the carcass upon an old knoll
ripping at rotten scars where life had stung.
And she’ll tumble, doe legged into headlights
the scattered remnants of one’s own soldier
fettered to the darkest skies of twilight
falling nude at the hands of her poacher
Perhaps we pander to the passing planes
Thinking them stars, just spectators of shame.
We grew up on the sharp edge of poverty rebel with a cause of our own repelling authority, society, reality followed a path of wildness sown. They said, we had perfect hips Was good for nothing but having kids One dad, two, three, maybe four Poverty cycle, repeating the poor. We succeeded at failing, came top of our class, Sipped on cider from our childhood flasks. No need to worry, no need to fret, At sixteen we become part of Britain’s great debt. Teachers never bothered, the head didn’t care, No one even noticed when we stopped going there. We wore indifference across our lips prostitute red, layer on layer, glossy and slick. And when time suddenly came, exams taken, Sixteen went past, future forsaken Some of us fell, hips wide and bearing, New life created in a career of caring. Some of us paused in a psychedelic dream Locked between worlds with adulthood to fear.
Me? I had failure at hand, expectations to break, So I picked up the books and read by the lake. They said I couldn’t, I was all hips and blue eyes, that’s all, I accepted their words, I’d most probably fall. I didn’t aim for the top, just a life with a view, A place where I’d happily dream skies of blue. They said “You’ll work in a shop, and not a thing more” And soon I was a manager, they were right for sure… But I kept going forward had stereotypes to destroy, Whispered through days kept my dreams coy. I climbed and rose, walked on painted tippy toes, No place for the poor done good, I wrote my own life show.
There’s a glass roof for women unbreakable you see, An etched line for the men, a reality, not a battle of wits, wisdom or intelligence, No, its a line that demands female defiance…
But poverty has no glass, just hips and glossy red lips, No succeeding, just expectations of failing, You either fail at school and fight for a life, Or fail at babies and become no-ones wife. My roots are seeped in the stench of poverty, Skyscrapers, someone else’s reality, They set a standard, the poor girls target, dreams are only for the rich they say use the gifts God gave you that day…
They said I was good for nothing all blue eyes and hips for kids to bring…
My Dad said, girl, do you see that star? No I said, we ain’t taught to look that far… He said, keep walking till you have that in sight, That my girl, is your glass ceiling, that, is your light…
I suffocate in the silent notes of a forgotten orchestra as it drowns me in its melodious song, the ancient whistle of Pan and his nymphs dancing to an unheard tune as I lose Sight of skies of blue. Dressed in topaz silk skimming bare knees, purple ribbons toes skipping on marble floors, I hear the devil call as he lands upon my shore… All air is sucked from my lungs Life drained from my veins Tears milked from the shadows of my heart as the walls tumble, As the ceilings crumble, As the chandelier shatters…
… fragmented diamonds, sparkle in the darkest hours, Light in life’s void, beauty in It’s shadows…
I could drown in the monochrome whispers of fantasy, lost, suffocating in my reality…
Give to me a life of laughter Smiles, silly faces and random noises all submerged into an existence where *adults look foolish* Lend to me days and seconds and weeks and minutes where the foolish look (as) adults traipsing through the playground of growing up in a world governed by Pan and designed by Tink. I am suffocating beneath the corruption of adult expectation, too quirky to grow old gracefully and to delicate to survive Neverland and the endless swings and roundabouts. My toes tingle when forced into heels, my hips twitch, my fingers rat a tat tat my eyes crawl across the landscape looking for adventure, but alas all I ever find is greyscale billboards declaring, “Do not play on the equipment of life, else stuffy adults look foolish” and I sigh, imagine myself a cherry pie, lay back and dream of clouds floating by.
A am a speck Star dust. An atom. A mass of atoms. A form created into structure. Biological evolution. I am a gender. A stereotype. Flesh, bones and grey matter.
And for the longest time the world’s axis stopped spinning at this realisation.
I am a speck. An atom among atoms. Star dust with an ancient soul, I am my reality Living within another’s surviving in a country among countries on a planet, among planets Within a universe… I am a speck.
We were Sat in utter darkness
just the orange street light
bleeding through the curtain edge.
We argued, as sisters do
Silence interrupted by voices
and her face is alight.
I ponder the doors existence Till I am stared down…
And the dream slips and moves.
Beyond the open door
I hear the tinkering of tools
sitting on the top step
I prepare to say sorry
A voice becomes voices
and the door is swung open
I’m smiling for a moment
Till I hear the clinky rattle
and the hand snaking though.
He is up the stairs, my stairs
his eyes angry, he is ranting
and screaming, a hammer
swinging… A sudden deep
tonight I will feel the deep
wounds of a hammer smashing
Into my body…
The seconds ascend
across the broken
scent of bleach,
And forgotten cutlery
fantasy. Caged in
the realm of
Bird sings here, no mice
no pumpkin carriage.
The fairies Godmother
has long vanished
into the ethereal
taking with her
the Ill fitting glass
slippers. And so it
is I sit here bare foot
as the seconds ascend.