Tinker tailor soldier… 

Sometimes you can bite a tongue too deep,
Awaken a dormant sleeping beast,
A scorpio was never born to be meek
Her protective stance is her sleep…

But scales must be aligned, to be fair
You ever wondered how she got there?
A Lone walker, she needs no one to care
Self destruct, from a single source they share.

Now silence echoes as the future calls
A blip on the radar she will cut the cord
Pull at the lines and break her own fall
At best it will leave her just a little bit sore.

For meekness was never her skin
and respect not given where dues
Is the strength it now brings
as she wanders away,
to forget about you, for the loss
of respect, where respect was due.

Karen Hayward ©2018 image and words 

Fires burn and ashes float.

Can you see through the desire?

Do you see I am more than a raging fire?

I can be the flame that dances to the flute

my truth is not under dispute.

But I am whole and that is not

do you see the bit that even I forgot?

Karen Hayward  ©2015

 

 

Blind trust through the driftwood of life.

cropped-the-naze-040.jpg

 

When you first came into my world you were a muse of delight,
you inspired me to write,
Of the beauty I see,
Of the scars that are me.
You breathed light into the dark,
and dared me to reach up to the stars.
Your presence whispered in the shadows,
where the deep desire grows.
I connected with ease to the reactions of chemistry,
there lays,
always truth in desire,
And that i can trust,
The reactive words of lust.
And you do not lead the way,
Or tell me to stay,
Rooted to the spot,
You wander on ahead,
hoping instead,
That i’ll find my own way,
Intrigued by the prospect of play.
We can’t see our path,
it’s obscured from sight,
Sometimes clearing throughout the night.
I trust in the steps and not the journey,
I trust that as I grow,
The darkness will let go,
The path will clear,
As we get near,
And as we walk along
The battered trail,
I’ll succeed, i’ll fail,
I’ll learn,
And i’ll earn
Truth and trust
A lesson, that I know,
Is a must.

Memories.

When was the first time (outside of school) that you discovered you had a natural skill at something?

Mine was when I was twenty and working as a retail assistant in Watford, Herts. A huge post office where i spent all day working the till, filling displays and chatting to customers. Until the boss decided he wanted to branch out and open a little photo booth. There were five of us, and I prayed to every god they would choose anyone but me to be trained up. The idea of working on a big machine that whirled and twirled and was filled with chemicals filled me with dread, more than dread. It kept me awake at night. Did my manager sense my fear? Was it a scent that followed me around? Who knows but two weeks later i was sitting beside him in a training centre…shaking. Eight hours, that’s all they give you, just eight hours to become trained…it was lost on me. However back in the shop i was thrown in at the deep end, here have a booth, some chemicals and a black bag to change papers. I screwed up more than once, the machine screwed up constantly, as the sun disappeared from sight and everyone stopped to look i was elbow deep in chemicals…it was not good.
Across the road, directly, was a Snappy Snaps, now they knew how to produce photos, i didn’t. The boss man, would come over and pretend to buy a drink, i’d see him watching me, smirking as i cocked up, again, watching as irate customers shouted at me, as work colleagues hid in corners letting me take the fall. Then, one day, one of his girls just appeared, in front of me, handed me a form ‘Here fill this out.’ Was this a joke? ‘Nah’ she said, he’s been watching you, and we have a vacancy come up, he wants you…to this day i have no idea what he saw in me, but am thankful that he saw something.
He didn’t show me how to do things, he told me why we do them. The result was i learned,  no more mistakes. Whilst i learned to tame these machines, i made friends…more importantly, i discovered, i discovered i could see colours, i discovered chemicals weren’t so scary, i excelled…i excelled, i was head hunted as senior printer at another store, the entire lab was mine :-), i explored Photoshop,  i fixed the machines, i gave instructions…all because that one man, that one day, saw something in me, that i didn’t know was there. :-). I was head hunted further, back to my home town, trainee assistant manager…the store was almost mine.