Oh how we love… 

I love the snow,
gloves, scarf and wooly hat,
Extra socks and a jumper or two
Squeals of delight and a Snowball fight
Cold toes begin to hurt cold hands
radiate heat, tingling fingers,
Heat rises and I feel snug
warm and glowing…

She loves the snow,
Hates, coats, gloves, scarf
and wooly hats, no extra socks,
sandals please, no jumpers mum
she begins to scream. Squeals of delight, snow on bare skin, fingers wet
cold, glowing eyes and
smiling lips, her heart
skips a beat.

We love the snow,
but hate your stares
muttered disbelief to
pretend you care. Ask,
and we’ll happily talk,
don’t stare, whisper,
and slow your walk.

She loves the snow
but she hates heat, a second
passes and she is faint,
a second more and it’s
breakfast paint. Just pause
a moment close your lips,
watch, listen truly see
I’m not about to let her
freeze, look closer,
See me touch her
arm as I wander past
see the coat across my arm…

… But mostly,
See the smile across
her soul, hear the laughter
of a spirit free and happy,
Look closly at
those pools of blue…

The problem isn’t us,
the problem is you.

Karen Hayward ©2017

I love you so…


To my gal xxx

Have I told you, in the last hour, that I love you?

I do. I love you from the essence of my core, 

From the blood in my veins, the flesh of my heart,

The pain in my soul the love in my aura. 

I love you in the entirety that is me, I love you. 

I love all that you are, your giggles that spread, 

The love you give the kindness you are,

The beauty you see, the soul you possess, 

the fire that burns at wrong doings

 (sorry you get that from me). 

Your whispers of courage and roars 

Of strength. God I love you so…xxx
Karen Hayward ©2016

Like musical chairs with beds instead.

image

It’s like musical chairs
only with beds
and wet sheets
and calpol
and stomach aches
and tears.

It’s like musical chairs
only with beds,
Doubles to singles
and a pissed off mum
because the nurse
had to know best.

It’s like musical chairs
beneath the stars before
the rising sun,
with sobs and comfort
bears and cuddled
feet and belly aches.

It’s like musical chairs
and sleeping lions
without the music
the giggles or the
laughter.
Just tears of confusion.

It’s like musical chairs
Only with antibiotics
or seeing an doctor not a nurse,
that reads her file
fucking first.

It’s like I said to the nurse
We’ll back mid week
the infection worse.
Guidelines.
Guidelines.
Guidelines.

Karen Hayward ©2016 (image and words)

Journey.

Two rucksacks,
One for each.
Four sleeps.
Smellies for you,
smellies for me.
A laminated route,
for you
A laminated map,
for you.
An itinerary,
for you.
I know this journey,
like the back of
my aging hands.
Two hands free,
for you.
Reassurance;
the train will stop,
three trains,
not a race,
the underground…
oh the underground.
One rucksack,
Favorite clothes
full bodied for
the anxiety…
baby, I know.
A nine year old teddy,
a unicorn teddy
and a full sized tiger
teddy,
monopoly, without the
box.
Pens, paper, books.
Kisses and cuddles.
Two rucksacks,
I’ll go without,
just clean undies
and PJs,
there’s room in my bag,
bring what you need.
Baby, bring what you
need.

Karen Hayward ©2016.

Taking my gal to visit Grandad today, by train, alone, for the first time since she was a baby, two bags only so my hands are free for her. Two bags and I’m pretty sure she’s bringing her entire bedroom. Her anxiety is up, way up. Her SPD is triggered she’s a bundle of nerves…she’s gonna do just fine….cos she has all those teddies..right lol especially that huge full size tiger!!!

Melting down in the split of a moment.

Why didn’t you tell me why didn’t you say?

Please don’t change my plans that’s really not okay.

Why was the cat there? It gave me such a scare

my body went and jumped and my heart got all fast

and I didn’t know how long that feeling was gonna last.

Please mum, stop it, stop it, stop it.

My feet are stuck mum I cannot move my legs

and it feels like an explosion going on inside my head.

Please mum, please, I can’t hear you through my tears

I need to block the sound that’s coming to my ears.

I do not understand i’m feeling all too much

and these things are moving fast they’re in such a rush.

Please mum, please, i’m pleading with my eyes

I cannot say the words for I cannot stop the cries.

Shhhh;

let’s calm that beating heart,

mummies here let’s make a start.

I’ll pull your hood above your head

and hold you tight upon that step.

I’ll whisper to you now so listen if you please,

i’m gonna need you baby to bend those lovely knees.

Come now my sweety listen to my beat

let’s get you over there sat upon a seat.

I’ll hold you as you cry i’ll knead away the pain,

I’ll take away the noise and sing a song to you.

We’ll slow the constant beat and make you feel all blue.

Shh now baby mummies got you.

We’ll walk in the rain and feel the cooling air

i’ll hold tight your hand so you know that I am there.

You cannot hear me yet but you see me with your eyes

I do not hear your words but I hear the pain in your cries.

The noise is coming down and the heat is feeling cool

a little more time baby and you’ll be right back under rule!

Walk in my shadow.

SS850746

I only ask that you listen;

I only ask that you hear,

these things may seem tiny,

but, they create so much fear.

I only ask that you look;

I only ask that you see,

stop looking for disruption

not all kids up and flee.

I only ask that you touch;

I only ask that you feel,

put your feet in my shoes

and know that it’s real.

Karen Hayward (Copyright) 2015.

The rainbow spectrum.

A room full of faces with stories too tell,

children that crash, children that yell.

Some of them tired, some of them beat,

there’s coffee to sip and cake to eat.

Each story the same, each child so different,

battling parents, ready to implement.

A moment each month to stop and share,

surrounded by people that actually care.

The sun is too hot, the sky is too blue,

finally people that know this is true.

In a world full of face’s where nobody see’s,

I sit in a room, and finally feel free.