Post about your zodiac sign and whether or not it fits you. 30 day writing challenge.

Soooo, I was born on what they call a cusp. this means (for me) my birthday falls on the change between Scorpio and Sagittarius. November 22nd, some horoscopes mark me as Sagittarius and others as Scorpio, although mainly Scorpio. Many years ago just after my first real relationship broke down after a few years together I went to see a medium, at the time I was feeling very lost and this wonderful lady correctly identified (no info was given at this point) that I was a cusp baby and correctly identified which two signs. She then took a moment, smiled and said Scorpio is your dominant sign but people should never underestimate the Sagittarius in you. This was back in my early twenties, 21/22 I think, and now having aged, developed, grown and become I can say with confidence she is right. I am a Scorpio but I will always surprise you with my Sagittarius wandering.

So how would I describe myself according to my zodiac sign?

So I googled personality traits of these two signs and this is what I found. Scorpio and Sagittarius.

Scorpio’s are strong willed and know how to grab the limelight effortlessly!!!…no comment :).

Sagittarius, optimistic and always look on the bright side of things. Hell yeah 🙂

Scorpio, magnetic charm that cannot be ignored….lol again, no comment!

Sagittarius,  speak the brutal truth, and they always mean what they say. Their comments can, however, sometimes be too harsh and may hurt other people. This is sadly true.

If a Scorpio-born has decided on something, it’s almost impossible to divert them from their path. Yep, t’is very true.

Sagittarius, they are intelligent and enthusiastic people, always interested in different kinds of subjects and can easily impress others with their conversation. What can I say to this, I am simply amazing :).

The Scorpio-born will never lose their sleep over disruptive times and failures. The Scorpio will take it head on regardless how difficult the situation may seem. This one I would say is only partly true, yes I will always take things head on, but that isn’t to say that i’m not affected by them, cos I am, cos I am human after  all. 🙂

The Sagittarius-born people are philosophical and have a strong sense of right and wrong. Oh God yes!!! I do have a strong sense of right and wrong and this often leads me into trouble because I rarely agree with the majority and I refuse to follow the herd if I believe them to be in the wrong.

The Scorpio-born are jovial and passionate. I’m not sure it’s my place to say whether I am like this, it seems a little big headed to suggest that have these types of personality traits. But yes, I am a very jovial (happy and cheerful) person and I do loves me a bit of passion!

Large hearted, these people are very generous. Hmm again not sure it’s my place to say.

The Scorpio-born are trustworthy and faithful. It’s great to have a faithful Scorpio around. He will always stand by you if he has promised he would. Okay so I will be honest here, it all comes down to that promise. If I promise something, then I can whole heartedly be trusted on it, i will do everything within my means to keep that promise. But, if I never promised and you never asked me to then that’s a different thing.

The Sagittarius-born people are adventurous. They will never shy away from taking risks to keep the excitement alive. This one is interesting as it really depends on what you see as adventurous. Will I go on a roller coaster with you…hell fucking no!!!

Power, position and money are the key motivators for a Scorpio. The Scorpio are an ambitious lot. They will aim for the stars and will ensure that they reach there. This is interesting trait that I often feel battles alongside the Sagittarius element of my personality. Power means nothing to me, although every job i’ve had I have very quickly climbed the ladder which suggests power means more than I realise.

The Scorpio-born are lead by their instincts and they take the right decisions at an opportune time. They are so intuitive that they can easily read the mind of other people. Yep, just yep.

Negative traits, what the hell there’s a section called negative traits, this must be wrong I am sure I have no negative traits! Okay here goes into the darkside!

Sagittarius, Their careless approach to life attracts criticism from everyone. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ….Whatever!

The Scorpio tend to be extremely possessive and jealous. And the jealousy more often than not disturbs their relationships and affects their peace of mind. Hmmm, maybe sometimes, although I think thanks to my Sagittarius traits I can keep jealousy at bay…sometimes.

Sagittarius, their honesty can sometimes be too brutal, which hurts others. Okay, this is true and to all those people that I have brutally hurt over the years seriously I am sorry. But the thing is if someone doesn’t pull me up and say to me that was brutal then I wont see it and cant fix it. The truth is I never mean to be brutal and i never mean to be hurtful…so please if my words have caused an achey, tell me so I can fix it.

They find it extremely difficult to trust people and are therefore very secretive. The Scorpio will not let people easily know what’s going on in their mind or life. Oh that’s too funny! Whatever!

Sagittarius, restless and impatient. Maybe a little.

The Scorpio are very sensitive and can get hurt easily by negative treatment and comments. This one unfortunately is very true, I take more to heart than people realise :(.

Manipulative and domineering as they are, Scorpio-born have a knack of getting things done their way.…is giggling!

Okay so there you go, I am a combination of two, but as with all things in life we are whoever the hell we choose to be.


Karen Hayward ©2015




Something that you miss. 30 day writing challenge.

Are there not a thousand things each day that we in some way miss? I miss the warmth of home. I miss going out drinking, stumbling home and sitting chatting whilst perching on the corner of that brown cord fold up chair! I miss being young and so very full of energy. I miss mountain dew, it never really picked up over here in the UK. I miss lay in’s. I miss the freedom of being able to sleep until my soul felt healed. I miss werther originals and the moments that came with them and cherry kisses. I miss the summer, already! I miss the snow that the clouds above the UK forget to spill each year.

But right now, I miss the relaxation, the calm of mind and the unsaid knowledge. I miss the soothing way thoughts could transport me, I miss my thoughts being clear and concise. I miss not wearing the mask.

Right now I miss the liberation of being able to spill words onto the page without this mental block that seems to be constantly screaming at me.

I miss the exclusive knowledge of shared thoughts that are now being spilled across the universe.

I miss having that knowledge of knowing how to speak to you.

I miss the beach…I only live a ten minute walk from the beach, i’m just being dramatic! I miss the beach on a warm day with the sun sweeping across my back and the grains of sand searching my feet. I miss the golden star dust that sprinkles itself across the ocean. I miss the soft hush of the ebbing tide as it licks at the shore.

I miss the stars as the sky becomes light and they disappear from view. I miss the moon and her luminous glow. I miss the emptiness of a clear, dark night. Nothing inside of me can ever feel as empty as the universe.

I miss all the thing that make me feel a step closer to myself.


Karen Hayward © 2015.

Bullet point your entire day…I want to cry!

  • Search for my broken headphones, only one ear works which is perfect as my daughter talks to me constant and its important that she always knows i can hear her.
  • The girls are happy, I have the next lot of jobs to crack on with but i decide to pause and watch a video someone has shared with me. I get a couple of minutes in and the girls want to go into the garden. I agree to have a coffee break then get out of my pjs to take them in the garden. My daughters anxiety means she wont go out there alone.
  • I stop for a giggle with my daughters besty, she is a sweety, we make up songs about cheeky smiles, and rhyme words, she is great.
  • I don’t get a quite coffee. In fact it went cold again. I give up and drink a glass of water.
  • I realise I should probably brush my hair! Ha ha!
  • Gave up on the video for now and decided to listen to a couple of songs on youtube, that was ten minutes ago, still haven’t heard a whole song though.
  • Still thinking about ‘fit for purpose.’
  • 2:24 pm    I love this song.
  • Am hugely aware at this point that I have the least exciting life ever. In fact I think bullet proving your entire day is bat shit crazy!!
  • Okay took girls into the garden, we all went down the stairs on our bums 🙂 can’t lie that was fun!
  • Once out there I decided to sort the fall fence panels and stuff that had been blown about in recent storms. I managed a couple of panels before the girls realised I had been right and it really was very cold and very windy outside. So we all went back in doors again!
  • The girls are now playing. So housework again! How the hell do 2 adults and one child make so much washing up? I ask myself this question daily. In fact a few times now I have considered hiding all but one each of everything, that will teach people to reuse and wipe up themselves!! Ha ha who am I kidding, just means i’ll be given cups of tea in a cup that is an inch deep in grime…yeah hubby i ain’t silly, i know you don’t use a clean cup!
  • Listening to some Green day, it’s a Green day kinda day.
  • It’s only just after 3 in the afternoon and already darkness is falling on us. The lights are being switched and switched off again in that awkward well, the light don’t help kind of way. The wind is really picking up and beginning to howl through the tree’s and slam into the windows.
  • 3:30 pm am feeling tired now. I want to go sleep. In fact I want someone to come make me food and then I can go sleep 🙂
  • 3:38 pm Hubby has awoken and agrred to give me a few minutes to finish writing a poem, with head phones on and music up loud. This for me, means cutting the world out completely so I can hear the words :). Best get writing then!
  • I managed to 3:45 pm the poem I wrote was good, im happy but it needs more work.
  • I grab dinner out the freezer and stick in on then do my third washing up load and grab the washing from the machine and stick another load on. I need a pinny to wear so I can truly fit into this marvellous role of housewife!
  • Dinner is cooking, the girls are playing I work a little more on the poem. Whilst stopping to sweep the floor and change the cat litters.
  • The besty has to go home now 5:00pm so I help her to gather her stuff together and get her boots on. I want to steal her pink furry monster style hat.
  • We do the stairs on our bums again and I think about how wonderful children are.
  • Dinner is served and I clean the table down.
  • We all sit at the table, it’s nice.
  • Hubby and daughter watch Man of Steel so I can have time to myself. I do the online food shop and spend a few moments finally watching the videos shared to me, i’m glad I watched them :).
  • Spend some time thinking.
  • Decide I need to speak to a friend, so ask him for advise.
  • wash up, again!!
  • Tidy away ems toys. It’s now 7:36pm. i’m tired, tiredness is kicking in, I keep resting my head on my hands and closing my eyes for just a second. I can’t sleep yet.
  • I still need to put the girl to bed, then we have her routine then story time, then snuggle time.
  • I still have to tidy up the living room, iron clothes and put them away, tidy her room, and clean a a couple of other rooms.
  • I want to be sat in a room reading.
  • I want to be exploring the suggestion.
  • I want to be listening to music.
  • Daughter will settle around 10-10:30pm by which point I will be exhasuted, but finally able to sit down and know i wont be distrubed. Hubby is working again tonight.
  • Once as daughter is sleeping I will try to grab a few minutes to myself.
  • This post idea is shit.
  • I hate seeing how non stop I am!!
  • I need to read the book I got on mindfulness!
  • I need a hot drink.
  • Think I need to get a life!!
  • Am starting line dancing in a few weeks 🙂 ha ha

ok writing this post as sent me a little crazy, I need to do something. That was a really pants kinda post, I know already what a bullet point of my day is like lol but I can see how it made me think a little deeper about my surroundings, so maybe a good thing 🙂

  • Have had to remind the daughter that I cannot be shouting from room to room, she has tears in her eyes and my heart is breaking cos i used the tough girl voice, but its one of the few times i have to put myself first. Can feel jaw tightening from the mornings hallway screams as a form of communicating!! lol
  • Girls want pizza, I agree to look in the cupboards.
  • The girls want to swap toys. I say no, it causes to much upset.
  • They ask again.
  • And again.
  • I go stand guard at the toilet door. Daughter has realised if her friend cant see then she doesn’t to close the toilet door I make a mental note to have a chat about this.
  • Make coffee again, pour the old cod, cold again into the sink.
  • Start writing this post.
  • Become aware that my ears are really burning.
  • I stop to read a message. It makes me think.
  • I go back to the post, my mind wanders to the sunrise.
  • Asked about another toy.
  • Had to shout down the hall again, am feeling a little annoyed, it’s automatic for me to respond, I know i’m as much to blame right now.
  • Asked about teddy clothes. Have to get the teddy clothes box down and open.
  • Then have tears as a change of plans to what toy to take, I remind them I can say no.
  • Asked again about pizza.
  • I agree to pizza toast.
  • Write some more of this.
  • Get another message, pause for a moment to read them.
  • Am aware that messages can sometimes sound so very cold and distant. I wonder what it is they really think.
  • See to the girls.
  • respond to a message.
  • write some more of this.
  • stop and read again. respond.
  • 12:44 pm I post the first section of this.
  • I respond to one message.
  • Have to tell daughter again not to shout me from another room.
  • Girls appeared at kitchen door, starving! Pizza toast is cooking.
  • pretty sure i have hit repeat on youtube about ten times now, still not entirely sure what song i am listening to.
  • Asked for the millionth time to find a box for a toy pony with no horn or wings.
  • Wants to curl up in a ball and make the world stop for five minutes.
  • 1:26 pm. The girls are eating ♥.
  • Need to eat myself, but have no energy to make something. Haven’t eaten yet today. Usually would grab a bowl of cereal, but gave the last to daughter this morning. I think about whether I could just eat a bowl of avocado. Am still, pondering this thought.
  • Am still thinking about the messages. Wonders where the distance came from, on both sides.
  • Thinking about responding, wondering if I should eat first, or get more coffee. Decide to just sit and listen to music for 5 minutes.
  • Start thinking about pain killers. Bleurgh will have to eat something so i grab a handful of grapes.
  • 1:33 pm I got 7 minutes.
  • I see to the girls, go wee, then pop into the bath room and flash blast the bath. I’m still thinking, the last part has got stuck on repeat in my head and I wonder what my purpose has now become.
  • 1:45 pm. And I m hating this blog post.
  • The girls are hungry still. I make them fruit and drinks!

List ten songs that you’re loving right now. 30 day writing challenge.

Okay guys this is day 7 of the writing challenges. You can find my original post here. This is an interesting question because my music tastes are dependent on my mood and the mood I want to be having! I can absolutely love a song and will listen to it on repeat for days, weeks even, and yet i’ll not like the artist or the album. For me it is all about that one song that is playing to me. It’s about the beat, the sound and mostly the lyrics. I like music that sings to my soul, I like music that dances through my soul.

Oh music, music music. Ten songs that i’m loving right now. I’m a very indecisive kinda person and I’m not always fully aware of myself, so, I decided I would ask hubby and my daughter what songs they felt I listen to a lot….”the same song, over and over, seriously it’s like you get up pick a song and whack repeat!”…ooops!!

Okay so this mornings ‘repeat’ song, this was also yesterdays repeat song, in fact this song gets whacked on repeat at the very least once a month. She’s always a woman to me. Fyfe Dangerfield.


and next in line is…the lazy song, because in life we all need that one song that say’s fuck you world today I swear I ain’t doing anything :).


Song number three is…oh dear God I gotta go check my youtube history!

Okay, I love this song, I absolutely love the cheesiness to it, I love the beat, I love the concept.


Okay song number four! It’s getting difficult now. It would seem everyone is right, I just listen to the same songs over and over and over again! On youtube I have a playlist that I use for when I’m writing, I created a couple of years ago when I was doing nanowrimo, so let’s have a quick look through that and see which songs I always go back to.


Song number six! I almost forgot this song, Iris, Goo Goo dolls. I love this song beyond words.  For me this is the ultimate love song and I love the video!



Song number seven, no reason, just simply loving the lyrics to this song.


Okay, actually this might be the best love song ever. This is such an intense love song. I love it, I love the words so much. Song number eight!


Song number nine!


and number ten! So hard to choose which Cyndi Lauper song though because I love them all, but this one, for some reason has always held a special spot for me.


I always find it a little odd to sit back and take a closer look at my music tastes as I don’t feel they reflect me, they do obviously they do, but I often find people are surprised by my tastes and mainly by my love of love songs. I actually love all things love related, especially love songs!


Karen Hayward (copyright 2015)


Write about someone who inspires you. 30 day writing challenge.

Okay, someone who inspires me. Can I write an entire blog post about myself? Ha ha probably best not too!

I’m not sure that there is one single person that inspires me. I find inspiration on a daily basis here on wordpress through the amazing bloggers I follow and also over on my  g+ page. I also find inspiration through my friends, my daughter…oh my daughter inspires me, she inspires me to be amazing and to smile and laugh but most of all to simply be brave, she is one of the bravest children I know (she has a neurological condition that makes her scared of movement! Seriously if it moves it scares her!) and yet there she is every morning with huge massive cuddles and kisses for me! She inspires me to love openly from the very center of my heart, just the other day we were listening to Sandi Thom, I wish I was a punk rocker  and she turns to me at the end of the song and says, “Mum, you put flowers in my heart!” My goodness I love that girl :).


The author Alice Walker, The Color Purple inspires me. This amazing author took hold of the theme of abuse and she pushed it too its limits and truly explored the depth of abuse, relationships, gender, so many things. And she wasn’t scared. She wasn’t scared to use vulgar language, or to explore sex or physical abuse, or racism. Alice Walker inspires me to write what I want to write, not what society believes women should write.


Karen Hayward (copyright 2015)

30 day writing challenge-Write something that somebody told you about yourself that you never forgot

Apparently I cannot read or understand the basics of math. Day two of the writing challenge should have been “Write something that somebody told you about yourself that you never forgot” and day three should have been pet peeves. Oh well, wouldn’t have helped anyway, as I still have nothing for this question, at least nothing good.  I really want to tell you that at some point in my life someone stopped me and whispered words of wisdom to me that gave me strength and courage in the darker days. But the truth is this has not happened, people didn’t believe me, they couldn’t believe in me I gave them nothing to believe in. Don’t get me wrong, my dad has always been a huge believer in me and I know growing up there are a million things he told me that I will never forget and at the same time never remember because he did it in such a way that he whispered these things into my spirit and soul. So instead I choose to tell you about those people that told me I was worthless; those people who could not look me in the eye and even acknowledge my existence, those people that gave up on me long before I had even considered giving up on myself. There was a time when I did it for you, to prove you wrong so that one day you might stand and see what it was that you walked away from, and then I realised I was no longer doing it for anyone other than myself. I became what you believed I never could and still it isn’t enough for you.

The question “and never forgot.” suggests something that has been said to me many years before and as I’ve thought this question over time and time again I keep falling onto the same person, but it’s not something they said that I will never forget, it’s something that they saw. They saw past all of my darkness and still liked what was left. That is something that in the future, when our year becomes years, I will never forget.