Flowers in the attic where do you hide!

The feeling creeps in slowly.
Panic, as I flip through once, twice, three times. I search the normal places, beside  the bed, the couch, at the top of the stairs, by the window in the kitchen next to the heater, the window that shows me the sun as he wakes and the moon as she wakes. It’s not there and not even the sparkling stars in the clear skies can make me feel better. I search inside bags and tucked beneath the mattress, I pull out the bed and feel my heart sink, my eyes prickle and for a moment I question my sanity. What if. What if I didn’t own that book, what if I just borrowed it, that would certainly make sense and suddenly it feels like my world is crashing, I just want to read the book, now, I search some more determined to be sure that the book is at least not here. Emptiness envelopes around me, darkness falls upon my heart, I feel a great void where a story should be, not any story and certainly not a recall from the many times I have read it before, a void created through the lack of pages to turn, the lack of worn out paper in my hands. The emptiness has become me.

Karen Hayward 2015. ©

Fading Memories and Forgotten Wishes.

Hey guys (and gals). Sorry I’ve been missing in action recently, I promise I have still been writing and have lots and lots of new poems to share. When I created this blog a few years ago I didn’t imagine for a moment that people may actually stop and read my words, it’s a journey I never dreamed I would take. Along the line, I’ve made some super friends and been lucky enough to experience some super amazing writers, I thank every single writer/blogger that has chosen to follow my blog, thank you. So, why have I been so super busy lately? I got too thinking a while back about how we are in control of our own lives, we decide the paths that we wish to walk down. So, I am excited to say that I decided it was time to take my writing to the next level and have created an e-book that can be purchased on amazon here. This first poetry book uses poetry to explore the amazing journey of love, from adolescence through to adulthood.

I feel passionate that poetry should be accessible to everyone,

it is an expression of language,

of life,

and everyone should get to experience and share in this.

Fading Memories and Forgotten Wishes.

Karen Hayward.

 

liebster award, big thanks.

award

So, I was just nosing through the spam folder and I found this hiding away in there as though it had no importance in my life. Oh my goodness, how wrong, such a big surprise though. Thank you annoymous !ndian for nominating me for this super fantastic amazing award.

The rules for this very prestigious award are as follows:

1. Display the Liebster Award badge on your blog.

2. Thank and link back to the person who nominated you.

3. Answer the nominator’s 11 questions.

4. Nominate 11 other new bloggers.

5. Draft 11 new questions for the people nominated by you.

6. Notify your nominees.

So, annoymous !ndian gave me these lovely questions. I’m actually looking forward to answering these, as it’s been a while since i’ve really reached out and interacted on the blog.

1. If you could choose a superpower, what would it be?

Oh Jesus Christ, I want them all. Lets start with Superman, now I love this guy, he can fly, is super strong and always comes swooping in to save the day just in time. I’d love to be able to just fly out of my window and float up there in space amongst the stars. Super strength would also be a great asset, and speed too, oh imagine how fast I could get the housework done, it would be good. As much as Superman is my real life super hero, and I do love my superman pjs, and jumper, seriously the man rocks my boat. But I think I saw on X-men one of the mutants had the power to change super powers, all he had to do was touch them and he took on their super power…power absorption…yeah I want that, I want a little teeny tiny bit of everything. Guys go check out this great page on super hero powers :).

2. Which book/movie character can you relate yourself the most with?

Oh this ones a toughy, i’m not entirely sure that I feel like I can relate to any characters. I think I often read to find escape, escape from me and my world, to explore how life could be or is for other people. However, there is a character in The Color Purple, Alice Walker. Mary Agnes, Squeak

‘Harpo say, I love you, Squeak. He kneel down and try to put his arms round her waist. She stand up. My name Mary Agnes, she say.’

This is the point when Mary Agnes takes control over her own life, she’s just raped and beaten. This simple line shows so much strength, it also shows the importance of a simple name, it is who we are, and who we refuse to be. I do have a thing about my name, it is the name I was given at birth, it is who I am, it is my strength and my power.

3.What inspired you to start blogging?

Nothing. Nothing inspired me to blog. I was completing my English degree and as part of my course I decided on a whim to choose an easier module (creative writing), I needed a rest and wanted to study something less intense and more enjoyable. I wasn’t expecting to be any good at writing. We were advised that we needed to be writing every day, a blog, it was advised, is a good way of doing that. So blindly I set up my blog with no idea of how or why. Like most things in life it soon became apparent what the purpose of my blog should be as I learned to write and explore different modes. Poetry came naturally to me in a way I never could have even have dreamed. It took a good year or so, for me to find my feet and truly start to bloom.

4. What is the most breathtaking sight you have seen?

Ok deep breathe, here I go;

  • my daughter, covered in slime and blood, wrinkled and crying, looking at me, looking at her for the first time,
  • my cat giving birth! seriously that stuff is crazy cool,
  • the moment my daughter and her besty managed to resolve a quarrel between the pair of them for the first time…they’re growing up!
  • I live at the seaside, and a few times a year we have a super massive high tide with waves crashing well over the sea defences. It is an amazing sight to see as this ferocious wave crashes down to earth followed by a seconds echoless silence.
  • Italy, such an amazingly unique creation.
  • A swarm of Dragonflies that kept visiting my garden in the summer last year! To see one is amazing, but too see a swarm of them dancing for you, breathtaking.

5. Books vs Movies? Which one do you think is better? Why?

99% of the time it is books.  The thing I love about books is that so much of the visualisation of the story is based upon your own life experiences. This allows us to connect to the story and truly relate, it gives us release and exploration of our own thoughts.

Sometimes, the film makers get it right though, sometimes. Game of Thrones I think is a great example of a book turned tv programme that has worked, and worked fantastically.

6. How would you describe yourself in one sentence?

I wouldn’t that’s just crazy talk, one sentence? Ain’t gonna happen…but i’ll try.

I’m a good soul with a wildly fierce spirit. 🙂

That wasn’t so hard!

7. What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

Another toughy. I guess its gonna have to be, not to judge another person and when and where you can offer support and understanding. I mean who really cares, aint my place to care. If someone is happy then we should celebrate that happiness, not try and tear it down. We could all do with caring a little less about the opinions off others, life is for living, your way. There is no happiness to be found by waking up each morning and hiding behind a mask that you just don’t want to be wearing. People will except you, or not. Those that don’t, most likely have nothing productive they can offer you anyway, so really there is no loss.

8. What’s your favourite colour?

Yellow…like daffodils and daisies. Red…like wild passion and crimson blood. Purple..I actually have no reason for loving purple and yet I find it every where in my life, I suspect purple may be a colour that my soul loves. My favourite colour can change from one moment to the next depending on my mood.

9.  If you could travel anywhere in the world and money was no object, where would you go? Why?

America, route 66. Why? Intrigue I think.

10. Have you ever believed in ghosts?

Yes. As a kid I believed that ghosts were every where, hiding, waiting to scare me. As an adult my beliefs and knowledge have advanced. I don’t not believe in ghosts, but I am forever looking for proof, not ready just yet to blindly believe in something that I cannot see, and I think this is a good thing, I think that when we finally accept something like this, we stop searching and advancing, and instead accept blindly what we are told.

11. If you could live your life in a fictional world (like Panem, Hogwarts etc.) which one would you choose?

Narnia…no, no, no down the rabbit hole….no, no, no Hogwarts. Fuck it i’d be a fictional world hopper, diving between worlds as and when I wanted too!

Oh that was fun!

So who do I nominate….YOU. Yep that’s right, did you stop and read this, yep? Then you is nominated! So show me some love! The questions are as follows;

1. Odd socks? Love them or loathe them? When was the last time you wore odds?

2. It’s late at night and you’re peckish, what naughty food do you crave?

3. What does your dream home look like? (if money were no problem)

4. Elsa or Anna and why? (Frozen)

5. What are your secret reading habits? (I like to read old ladies magazines at the doctors surgery!)

6. What’s the funniest joke you know?

7. What is your fave book and why?

8. When the zombie apocalypse happens, what’s your plans for survival?

9. What is the toughest lesson you have had to learn in life?

10. Real book or e-reader, and why?

11. What are your plans if over night the entire world loses internet connection?

Ha ha have fun guys!

50 Shades of really you think the whole of society is so dumb that we need to start censoring topics in literature?

Rar….Have spent a few hours on here blogging, writing poetry and catching up on the blogs I follow. Every other blog seems to be griping on about 50 Shades of Grey, it’s driving me potty. Firstly IT IS FICTION, yep the story is fiction, and anyone who reads and thinks wow this is a great biography/autobigraphy is stupid. Fiction means a few things, firstly it’s a pretend story, it’s all pretend, made up. But also fiction allows an author and a reader to explore a concept beyond what is usually found in reality, but really people it is fiction, really, no lies it is made up. At first though I did think wow that’s a little insulting to assume that everyone that reads it is too dumb to realise that the story is crap the lead gal is crap and the guy is a complete twat, but hey ho, not my place to judge. However, having now read through some very convincing arguments I think I am now starting to see what they are saying. We really do need to stop authors from writing about certain subjects, I mean really censorship is the way forward, censor everything, we are too dumb to have uncensored literature in our society, we are a society of sheep, seriously I read that in a book, so it must be true. But, everyone seems to be missing the bigger picture, whilst everyone is griping on about 50 Shades of Grey and how it is going ejaculate itself into our poor impressionable gals, books like Divergent are going completely unseen. I mean seriously this is a concern, this book is a young adult book, the story is aimed at the young impressionable minds of our future, the book encourages you to jump on and off trains to show your fearlessness, it is only a matter of time before we see an increase of teenagers and young adults jumping from buildings, or worse still, studying, or becoming truthful or hippyish, seriously this stuff needs censoring too!!!!!

Divergent, Veronica Roth.

‘I have something to tell you.’ He says

I run my fingers along the tendons along his hand and look back at him.

‘I might be in love with you’ he smiles a little. ‘I’m waiting until I’m sure to tell you, though.’

‘That’s sensible of you.’ I say, smiling too. ‘We should find some paper so we can make a list or a chart or something.’

I feel his laughter against my side, his nose sliding along my jaw, his lips pressing behind my ear.

‘Maybe I’m already sure.’ he says, ‘and I just don’t want to frighten you.’

I laugh a little. ‘Then you should know better.’

‘Fine.’ he says. ‘Then I love you.’

Divergent, Veronica Roth.

It’s only when I read, when I lose myself in a page of words, in another world, a creation of the imagination, that I realise what a complete sucker for love I really am. No story is complete with out love, true love, real inspired love.