What is forgiveness.

What is forgiveness? I’ve spoke those words a thousand times over and still I search for peace. I’ve forgiven your knowing spiteful tongue, i’ve forgiven your chosen ignorance. I’ve worked tirelessly to hold together the slipping strings as you have pulled and pulled demanding respect for your title alone. I have shed tears in the darkness on the balance of your belief. I have stood alone day after day because you refuse to accept her. Pride, my pride was swallowed down the moment I became.Standing alone in the darkness with my pride, you have danced holding it up as though a trophy of my defeat, I forgive therefore I am naive, I am weak. I am without bitterness, I am without hate.I am beginning to wonder at what point I should close the gate. You are blinded by your own selfish beliefs. You are blinded by fear. Perhaps, forgiveness is meant for me, I cannot make you see, perhaps this time, forgiveness is meant for me.

Coke and wine.

I hear the wine flowing and the glasses chink

as you miss the table and hit the sink.

Mother and daughter addictions together

thrown in the garden whatever the weather.

You talk above the same old songs, and I wonder

if you know that your behavouir is wrong

or that there’s a rat in your kitchen running a mock

it’s a matter of time, tick fucking tock.

As predictable as the sun that moves the dial

smeared face and blood shot eyes is your style.

Mother dearest your spirit is broke

I saw this in your face the moment we spoke.

Fuck this and fuck that ‘cos the world is so screwed

but you never consider that the problem starts with you.

Ten green bottles sitting on the wall

every single night I hear them fall.

A knock at the door and the bed springs go

Daughter dearest, do you think we don’t know?

You sing as it moves to cover the sound

to hide the white powder, another round?

Your a tight knit unit all full of love

broken souls that are fucked up and stuff.

Excited greetings and laughing galore

filling the glasses who wants more?

Voices go up voices go down

I can actually hear when you’re wearing your frown.

The music begins and everyone sings

till the spiteful tongue brings out its sting.

Tears are falling and the mask no longer fits

true colours shining none of you give a shit.

The lamp is broke, the glasses shattered

not that any that truly mattered.

You scream you push, so much pressure

you lose the very thing you pretend to treasure.

Flashing lights and a friendly face

an easy call for them to trace,

again today, again tomorrow

mother and daughter full of so much sorrow.

30 days writing challenge. 3 Pet peeves.

Three pet peeves. I’m writing this today rather than tomorrow because we have quite the storm raging through at the moment, which means I wont sleep well tonight because storms scare the hell out of me and I will spend the entire night imagining the tree in the garden coming smashing through my bedroom window 🙂 and also tomorrows a busy day, so in case the wind takes out the internet I will post it now and forever be a step ahead on my 30 days writing challenges 🙂

Three pet peeves. Wow the first one really should be the fact that you’re only letting me choose three! Okay so this question needed a lot of thought. I am a really patient person and I will forgive people in the bat of an eye lid and yet I actually have a whole long list of pet peeves. However, my top pet peeve has to be rudeness. If I side step on the path to let you past, I didn’t do it because you are more worthy of that space than me, I did it to be polite so you know what?look up and bloody well say thank you it doesn’t hurt, there wont be any sparks or fireworks just because you acknowledged that there are others in the world besides yourself. This kind of rudeness annoys me at the best of times and the only people who I expect nothing from are the elderly, those that have a blank stare and the flustered mum that is attempting to keep control and can just about manage a weak smile that screams please help me! But seriously if you wander past me with your nose stuck in the air and you got your kids at your side then you need to be ashamed, but more than that, you need to know that in ten years time when you are screaming at the top of your lungs that your kid has no respect for you or anyone else, then you need to know that you created that. If you go around believeing that you are more worthy of that space than others, you teach your children that this behaviour is both normal and expected, so when they come of age they behave the way they saw you behave. Good luck with that and until that day comes yep, you did hear right when you went waltzing past me.

Second pet peeve. Please, I beg you, do not ignore me. If you want to see a calm delicate flower go bat shit crazy on your arse and start throwing plates then by all means ignore me. But I promise when I blow, I truly blow and I will bring your whole entire world crumbling around your feet. All I ask is that you have enough respect for me that you verbally answer me, that’s all.

Ok so trying to dwindle down what my third pet peeve is going to be and I am going to go with, people who judge other people. You see a little pattern here? I’m not a huge fan of rude people. Okay, judging. What on earth makes a person think that they can judge someone based on how they look, so fucking what about how they look, how somene looks does not make them a good or bad person, their fucking personality does that! Okay i’ll let you into a secret I have two sides to my personality, I have a ditzy i’m gonna ask all the stupid questions cos yo knowsomeone has to and it may as well be me, and then I have the side that is educated and can and will debate my arse of and most probably beat you…only those closest to me know that I have a good level of education only those closest hear me using that education and I do this for a few reasons firstly its good fun being ditzy it allows me to relax and be a more free spirit, but also, those people who judge me according to my knowledge or educational level have usually made up their minds that i’m dumb within the first few minutes…thank fuck for that! Cos I don’t need no obnoxious, patronising know it fuckheads wasting the precious air I breath :)…okay that’s probably a little judgy on my part, but hey I never said I was perfect :).